Chirpings of a Kricket

Rockies Rant

2011-09-02T19:38:00.003-04:00

I remember going to Rockies games when my family moved back to Colorado after a few relocations thanks to dad’s duty to Uncle Sam whilst in the Air Force. I was nine when we returned back to my state of birth, and I feigned to be bored with the game at first, but it grew on me. I remember watching the Blake Street Bombers and singing Crazy Train every time Larry Walker came up to bat. Todd Helton was still around then too - although a leaner, beard-free version of the man he is today. Although my fanaticism died a bit throughout my adolescence, a resurgence of Rockies pride was awakened when Chris and I started to go watch games together while we were dating. We both then became on the verge of obsessed. I love the Rockies. Deeply. And that is what makes it so hard to see them struggle every season. Well, here we are again, nearing the end - and I'm pretty much done caring about this season .

I know, in the realm of baseball that the Rockies are one of the newbie teams, so I really have no right to whine about no world series championship; however, because I love the Rockies, I know how truly talented a team they are and have been in recent years. They are so much better than how they play - and that is what makes it so disheartening to watch them fall into a deeper and deeper slump, which they inevitably will attempt to climb out of when it's just too late. I don't know why we got rid of Ubaldo - that was a mistake and Dan O'Dowd is going to regret it severely in the future. I also don't know why we constantly leave runners in scoring position. If even half of the players we left on base actually made it home, we would have one of the highest run counts in the league. But, boys, hits mean notta if you can't turn them into runs.

It's just so frustrating to watch them play these days. The joy of it really gets sucked out when they play the way they have this season, when you know they're capable of so much more. There are far less talented teams (cough, the Giants, cough), who somehow get lucky and win games and even, yes, the World Series - even though they really don't have as much talent as the Rockies do. It feels like all odds are against the Colorado team sometimes.

And so, as another season winds down, I care less and less since I know in a couple of weeks the Rockies will be done until next April. Come April 2012, I will again put all my hope & energy into my Colorado team - let's just hope the result is finally different.

Silence

2011-08-17T21:09:00.002-04:00

I apologize for the delay in posting. Life has been pretty hectic. Quick recap since…April…oy.

May - Nothing too epic to report (at least that I can think of). Just work. Work. More work. (I’m sure Chris would corroborate).

June – Chris and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary – and we did so in our old stomping grounds: NYC. It was, in a word, AMAZING.

I truly miss New York with all of my heart. I knew as soon as I stepped out of the bowels of Penn Station and into those lights that I was home again. Even though we hadn’t been back since two days after we got hitched, it felt like we had never left. Walking the streets of our old neighborhood felt so normal and right.

We also got to see many familiar faces – including my dearest Daniel and Drew who were both in our wedding, so to see them both made our trip even more special (especially since Drew was visiting at the same time from American Samoa). It really was the perfect trip, full of reminiscing, laughs, some tears, great food, and wonderful people. I can’t wait to visit again!

July – We spent another Fourth of July with my family this year, which was nice. Although, since it fell on a weekday, we had to leave early to get ready for work the next day and only got to watch fireworks we could see from I-25 as we drove back home.

July was also SUPER HOT and HUMID. NOT a typical Colorado summer at all. It made me a bit peeved since I thought I moved away from that…but, no.

At the end of July, we also welcomed a new little one to the family. That’s right – cat number 3. People probably think we’re crazy. My friend Holly was fostering this adorable 3-month old, long-hair, dilute tortie that was abandoned on the streets, and of course, my heart broke and, after some of me begging Chris, we took her in. In keeping with our gothic literature theme, we named her Annabel Lee.

Chris and I also decided to stay put where we are. We thought we were going to move to a new apartment, but after looking for 3 months and not finding what we wanted, and tempted by the idea of actually staying in one place for more than a year (which we both haven’t done in 8 years or so), we signed our lease for another year. Instead of paying a for all those costs that go into a new place, we got a new mattress and bed instead. I will trade a new place for a good night’s sleep any day.

August – That brings us up to this month, which is already half way through. This summer has FLOWN by. I think that once you’re not in school anymore, summers really don’t mean anything, and they kind of just pass you by before you can really stop and enjoy it.

A couple of weekends ago, I was lucky enough to escape the heat of the city and head to the mountains with my college girlfriends. It was lovely to spend some much needed time with just the girls and get away from the city for a couple of days. Before summer officially ends, Chris and I need a weekend in the mountains too. It’s so rejuvenating and makes me feel so blessed to live in such a beautiful state.

And here we are. All caught up. Now I just have to post more often so I don’t have to do this all the time. It’s like trying to catch up with an old friend you haven’t seen in years, and there really is SO MUCH that has happened, but you can’t really think of it all or even where to start.

So, old friend, I shall try to be better about keeping in touch (and about being more interesting).

Wish List

2011-04-11T21:46:00.000-04:00

In case you didn’t know (which I’m sure most of you don’t), tomorrow is my 26^th birthday. I will officially be closer to 30 than 20. Scary.

Anyways, I thought I might provide a few last minute gift ideas in case you haven’t gotten me anything yet. Don’t worry – I will take belated gifts. I’m not that picky.

I’m getting really tired of loud neighbors, lack of a yard, lack of storage, lack of space, not having my own washer & dryer and all of the inconveniences of apartment living. So, I would really love a house. Nothing too fancy – I’m thinking 3 bedrooms, a good-sized yard and some character. Not a fixer-upper, please. I’m the one who had the tools before Chris and I got married if that gives you any indication of our remodeling skills.

This one won’t cost you any money (maybe) - just some ingenuity and creativity. I would love love love an outing with Johnny Depp - dinner or coffee or some other sort of get together. That would be awesome.

Before I have kids or a career I can’t escape from, I would really love to travel. A lot. Unfortunately, I don’t have those means right now. So, cruises, European tours, a Disney getaway, or really any trip to somewhere interesting would be gladly accepted (although overseas is preferred).

A unicorn. What girl doesn’t want a unicorn?!?

I hear the new VW Beetle is coming out soon, and I do love VW Beetles. That would be a wonderful gift.

Since this post doesn’t allow much time for procuring a gift in time for my big day, I would also gladly take money – cash or check is fine – to put towards the above items…or maybe towards rent, cat food, gas, electricity, water, internet, cable, food…man, growing up stinks. Sigh. Oh well, I can still dream.

What Dreams May Come

2011-01-27T18:41:00.002-05:00

I've had some weird dreams the past couple of nights - and since I RARELY remember them in the first place, I thought I would recount a few here...

1) Johnny Depp in a Jail
I have had numerous Johnny Depp dreams throughout my life. The sad thing about this is, they are always super realistic. My subconscious knows that I could never be anything more than just random fan x to Johnny, so I always only have fan dreams - random encounters with Mr. Depp. We're never best friends, or related, or lovers, or anything cool like that. No. My subconscious is too realistic. In the most recent dream I went to tour an old jail (which is TOTALLY something I would do...and have done) and my mom was with me (which is TOTALLY something she probably would never want to do). And lo and behold, in our tour group is none other than Johnny Depp. I spend most of the tour talking to my mom about what I should do. I mean, it's Johnny Depp - I have been in the same room as him, and waved at him and he waved back - but words weren't exchanged. My mom, of course says I have to say something. So - whilst we are all sitting in some portion of this old jail, I happen to sit next to Johnny Depp and make my move. I say "Excuse me, Mr. Depp..." (yes, Mr. Depp. I'm SO polite like that). I go on to say all sorts of things about how wonderful and talented he is, and he is very obliging and polite and I think we took a picture together or something. Would I love for this to happen in real life??? OF COURSE I WOULD. But in a dream??? I can do anything in a dream and this is it?!?!? What's wrong with me?

2) Mrs. McGregor
I've been watching a documentary lately about Ewan McGregor and his friend Charlie Boorman embarking on a motorcycle journey from Scotland to Cape Town, South Africa called "The Long Way Down" (the sequel, I guess you could say, to "Long Way Round" where they travel east from London to NYC). Point being, I've been watching a lot of Ewan, so of course he ends up in my dream. Now, in this case, realism went out the window on many levels. First of all - apparently right before Chris and I got married in my dream, he cheated on my with someone else and so, we broke up. However, for some reason I had already changed my last name to Jones. Weird. Anyways - shortly thereafter, I meet Ewan McGregor (who in real life is happily married with 3 kids). In my dream, he is single and childless. So - we decide to get married. I don't know? Blame my subconscious. The rest of the dream was basically us just hanging out and discussing how to go about changing my name again. And whether I should go back to Taylor or go to McGregor or hyphenate it. I think I decided just to go with McGregor. Kristi McGregor. Meh. I prefer Jones. It was a pretty good dream - except for the Chris cheating on me thing. That wasn't cool at all. But dream-hanging out with Ewan and his Scottish accent was pretty brilliant.

3) Professor Hoppus
This kind of came out of no where. I haven't been thinking about or listening to Mark Hoppus at all lately, but he decided to make an appearance in my dream. I was taking some sort of class here in Denver - couldn't tell you what kind of class at all. But, Mark Hoppus was my professor. Not just a guy who looked like him - the Mark Hoppus. I don't think it was a music related class at all...who knows. BUT apparently I went up to talk to him after class about something - class related, I'm sure - and it came up that he came to Denver to teach this class all alone (without his wife) and was staying in some huge hotel room somewhere and had nothing to do. So, being the kind neighborly person I am, I invited him to come hang out with Chris and I, and we'd go to dinner and a show and it would be lots of fun. He was SO excited about it, and I assured him Chris would be so elated. I even recounted to Mr. Hoppus that Chris met him once and they took a picture together, but Chris no longer had the picture. He laughed and little and we left the building together and went to the apartment....and then I woke up.

Maybe it's best that I don't usually remember what goes on in my head while I sleep.

Just Watch It.

2011-01-11T16:24:00.004-05:00

Remember that last post about Joaquin? Remember how I mentioned a little film he narrated called Earthlings? Well, well, well..

Guess WHAT? You can watch it for free online. So do it. Now. (Or when you have some time to spare.) It's educational and powerful and everyone should watch it. Including you. And now, you have no excuses :) Or you can just live in ignorance - which doesn't sound like a very smart, respectable option.

Watch the trailer below and/or just click on the link to the website and choose "watch feature film". You'll be glad you did. PROMISE.

Make the Connection. EARTHLINGS.com

Changing My Top 5

2011-01-05T18:03:00.003-05:00

This is a very serious post. VERY serious.

I'm making an alteration to my top five list, which is kind of a big deal, since it's been the same for years and years. What top five list am I referring to? My top 5 celebrity crush list - very important stuff, folks.

Why five? I owe the creation of my own top five list to Friends:

And thus, my top five list was born. As aforementioned, it has been the same for quite some time now. In kind of particular order (the first one matters the most):

1. Johnny Depp (duh.)
2. Adrien Brody (he's more sexy than hot. i just love him and his huge nose.)
3. Christian Bale (he had me at "Newsies".)
4. Ewan McGregor (he's scottish AND he can sing! love.)
5. Jim Sturgess (he's the most recent addition. he got added after across the universe.)

But, my friends, it is time for some changes to my top five list. I have a potential new addition...but it's not a top 6 list, so someone will have to get booted and may the best man win. It's not a decision to be taken lightly.

My new addition is Joaquin Phoenix - for more than the shallow reason that he's pretty darn handsome. I have always thought he was a very good-looking guy - even in Gladiator in which his acting was so good I thought I would hate him in everything he was in thereafter. But, on the contrary, I have found his performances to be quite remarkable and he's a presence I am always happy to see on the big screen. So a) he's easy on the eyes and b) be's a good actor.

In addition, he's committed to his work. I mean, look at how the film he did with Casey Affleck, his bro-in-law, (I'm Still Here) had everyone all a twitter for over a year thinking he had actually gone insane. He gained tons of weight, grew a crow's nest on his head and a beard, and threw himself into this project, and this project only. Commitment, baby. And you can see this commitment in all of his films. Also, everyone thinks of him as this serious dude who does serious roles - but he's actually really funny, genuine, and kind-hearted. So, c) committed to his art and d) funny & genuine.

And lastly - he's a vegan. A passionate vegan. He refuses to wear costumes in his movies made of any animal product and is a PETA spokesperson. He also narrates a very powerful documentary about animal welfare called "Earthlings" and is always a proponent for change in the animal welfare arena. Seeing as my New Year's resolution for 2011 is veganism, I feel it fitting to have a vegan, who is truly doing so much to promote the ethical treatment of animals, on my top 5 list.

Here's one of the PETA PSAs Joaquin has lent his talents to...
(warning: this video gets pretty graphic)

So, Joaquin is now on the top 5. Unfortunately, this means someone else has to move down the ranks. Who will it be?

I have decided that the most recent addition is getting the boot: Jim Sturgess. Sorry, Jim. :( Maybe if you become a vegan you can get back on the list. Maybe.

This means I will be running into Jim Sturgess in the very near future, no doubt.

What Would Jesus Eat?

2010-12-22T19:15:00.001-05:00

What Would Jesus Eat?

Yes! Believe it or not, you CAN be a Christian and a Vegan/Vegetarian!!! Click on the link above... this is pretty darn awesome. My extended family needs to keep up to date with this series. Maybe they would stop harassing me about not eating meat every time I see them if they opened up their minds an inch and read this.

Way to go - yet again - Peta2!

Try,Try Again

2010-12-22T18:47:00.003-05:00

I guess it's not really a matter of if I succeeded or not. I got good grades. I did the work. It's just that it's not the right fit for me.

I'm moving on from my vet tech idea - since it was just an idea. Yes, I am passionate about animal welfare, but I didn't really know if I was passionate about venipuncture and physiology of the renal system and what the names of all the cranial nerves are. Turns out, I'm not so passionate about the latter.

I tried. I really, really did; but when it comes down to it, I am still a creative, artsy, humanities kind of girl. I can do science and math - but that doesn't mean I like doing it. It just sucks that I spent all that money on school - at least my parents can breathe a sigh of relief that they didn't have to spend a penny on this go-'round. Yet, had I not tried it, I wouldn't have known it wasn't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Honestly, I think a lot of why I dove into school was because I was so, so, SO unhappy and stressed out at my current job at the time and it seemed like an easy way out, a good excuse - and it was. When you tell your employer you're leaving to go back to school and pursue a new career, they really can't argue too much and bridges aren't burnt. However, "I am completely miserable and stressed here and it is completely ruining my personal and professional life, my love of theatre, and making me go insane" might have an adverse reaction. So, I went with school.

I just hate saying "I'm quitting". I am NOT a quitter. But, honestly, I'd rather be happy than have another degree in something I could really care less about. I may not know what path I am going to go down next, but for the first time since I graduated college, I have a stress-free job, no school to worry about, a calm, happy personal life, and I finally have the time and sanity to actually think about what I want out of life both professionally and personally. It's nice. I'm excited to enter into 2011 with a clean slate, a new outlook on life and a huge realm of possibilities in front of me.

I used to be so scared of not living up to others' expectations and not having a strong career plan figured out - but honestly, I really don't care anymore. I am still scared about the future, but as for the present, my life is pretty sweet. I have a wonderful husband, a loving family, a college degree, a good head on my shoulders, and I will figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life. Sorry mom and dad - I'm not going to be a doctor or a lawyer...or probably rich at all...but I will be happy and I will end up doing something that is perfect for ME - and that's who I need to make most happy, right?

I have some ideas in the works - some research to do and creative juices to get flowing again - but I think there's something pretty awesome that just might work out.

So, here's to another new chapter. This is what the 20 somethings are all about, right? Figuring out life? I'm always game for a new puzzle to solve.

Humane

2010-12-02T19:01:00.002-05:00

As far as school goes, I have always been a very good, compliant, obedient student. I do the work, I read the chapters, I study for the test and I write the paper expected of me. For probably the first time - in a non-English, non-writing class - I have strayed a bit from the parameters in order to get my point across.

I am in an Animal Agriculture class and we were to write a paper based on an interview with someone involved in "animal production" (as it is called in the class -they also call murdering an animal for food "finishing" the animal). If we didn't want to do an interview, we could write about reproductive technology as applied to farm animals or some other aspect of animal production. I decided to write about Humane Certified Farms. I think technically it still fits into one of the alternative paper topics, but I might have been a tad bit influenced by my own opinions. Oh well. Why should I not say something when this whole semester of this class has been hard to stomach? Let's just say that the textbook supporting this cruelty is even appalling!

Anyways, here's my crazy vegetarian paper on Humane Certified Farms. And to all the meat-eaters out there, please take this to heart and think about what you are REALLY putting into your body.

I am approaching three years as a vegetarian and have been gradually making a change to a vegan diet and lifestyle; therefore, studying animal production this semester has been quite difficult for me. However, the material presented in this Animal Agriculture course has only reaffirmed my decision to lead a cruelty-free life. To align with both my own personal ideals and the course’s goals, I decided to research about humane animal production, as I personally encourage individuals who continue to eat meat, eggs and dairy to do so as humanely as possible. My research centers on the American Humane Association’s American Humane Certified Program which deals with the animal welfare of farm animals. This paper will outline a brief description of what the American Humane Certified Program is, what the program entails and my own opinions on this aspect of farm animal production.

The American Humane Association’s American Humane Certified Program has been in existence in some form ever since the development of the Association itself in 1877. The association and program began as a gathering of various, smaller humane organizations who came together to help improve the conditions and treatment for farm animals across the nation. Since then, the organization and the Humane Certified Program – which was officially created in 2000 - have continued to evolve and improve in order to best serve the farm animals of America that sustain our livelihoods, diets, comfort and economy.

The program as it stands today uses independent, third-party substantiation that producers voluntarily seeking humane certification or who currently have such certification are meeting or exceeding the scientifically based raising, handling and care standards of American Humane. These standards have been compiled from various sources, including veterinarians, animal science experts and values from the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The core values of the program stress that animals are: “free to live and grow in a humane environment under conditions and care that limit stress, free to enjoy a healthy life, benefiting from injury and disease prevention and rapid diagnoses and treatment, free to readily access fresh water and a diet that maintains full health and vigor, and free to express normal behaviors and live in an appropriate and comfortable environment that includes sufficient space, proper facilities, shelter, a resting area, and company of the animals' own kind”. Producers who pass the certification are allowed to use the American Humane Certified label on their products, which allows the consumer to choose a humanely raised, handled and cared for product, rather than the animals that are treated with less than the most base level of care and kindness.

Currently, the American Humane Certification program is protecting the welfare of more than 50 million farm animals and it is rapidly growing. The program operates via its True Humane Tracking structure. This is a three-tiered audit of producers which includes on-site audits (which may include up to 200 checkpoints per animal species), continuous updates and ongoing monitoring via online applications and web-based video feeds to provide 24/7 footage which also incorporates instant alerts should something go awry and action can be taken as soon as possible. The American Humane Certified producers cover quite a variety of animal products including beef, buffalo, chicken, dairy products, eggs, pork, veal and other producers who create products with materials derived from animals, such mayonnaise and pastries.

I fully support this program and the values and ideals it upholds; however, it is not only because I firmly believe that every living being, including farm animals should be treated with the utmost care, but I also think the program benefits the consumer and producer as well. It is apparent that the American consumer is becoming more and more concerned with their diet and where their food is sourced from, so why shouldn’t our meat, eggs and dairy be accountable to the highest of standards, and why shouldn’t Americans be allowed to choose the safest and highest-quality of meat, eggs and dairy? Just take a look at the number of Whole Foods’ popping up around the country or the documentaries and reports of what is really going into the animals we eat and the conditions they live in; Americans are leaning towards a more natural, organic product, free of the chemicals, waste and horrible treatment, or at least the opportunity to choose which type of meat or milk to buy. Yes, this usually comes at a higher cost to consumers, which is a con to humanely raised animal products, but if more producers adhere to these standards, it will become more mainstream, and thus the prices will eventually drop. Also, consumers who support American Humane Certified producers are supporting – for the most part – smaller, local, family-owned farms, not the giant corporations who mistreat more than just their product. The big corporations’ meat, eggs and milk may be cheaper at the supermarket, but at what cost?

The American Humane Certified program is also a smart choice for producers and retailers selling animal products, such as grocery stores and restaurants. There is a shift happening in what consumers want, so it would benefit producers and retailers to notice the importance of food choice to consumers and take part in this program either by becoming a certified producer or by selling humane certified products. I understand that all animal producers have to pass inspections, but are they meeting the highest possible standards or just good enough to pass? I think the American consumer deserves more than good enough, even though it may come at a higher financial cost for the producer, retailer or consumer. With the only con being money – which American Humane even provides education and ways to allow producers to become certified in the most economic way possible – I see this program as an extremely positive movement in animal production and hope that more and more producers seek certification and maybe one day even our government will adopt such standards to provide the best quality of life for both the American people and the farm animals that are an integral part of our lives.

References
"The Humane Touch." 2010. American Humane Association. 30 November 2010. http://thehumanetouch.org.

“American Humane Certified: Farm Animals” 2010. American Humane Association. 30 November 2010. http://www.americanhumane.org/protecting-animals/programs/farm-animals.

Obsessed

2010-10-22T16:41:00.004-04:00

I have an obsessive personality. I know this. It's not something I am in denial about at all. In fact, I embrace it. Anyone who really knows me at all also knows how true this is. People would probably site Johnny Depp as my number one obsession. This is true. Very true. It is a bit much and perhaps a tad sad - but I am okay with that. I love Johnny Depp and the fact that I know way too much about him, see all of his movies on opening day, and once paid 100 dollars to attend a party I knew he would be at is just normal for me . It all comes with the territory of being obsessed. As they say, go big or go home.

Now Johnny Depp is a long-time obsession... (so is my love of Burton films, Gogol Bordello and interest in serial killers). I also have little spurts of obsessions as well - things I REALLY get into for a while, but the obsession usually dissipates a bit. Here are a couple recent obsessions...

Dexter.

I always get obsessed with TV shows. Some past TV obsessions include The Office, Gossip Girl and Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I still like all those shows and watch them, but at one point that would be ALL I watched. I worked all day long just to get home to watch that show. I bought the DVD for the next season as soon as I would finish the previous season. And now, it's Dexter.Lately I have only been able to think about getting home, studying right away, and then throwing on some Dexter. Chris and I also went as Dexter and a victim for Halloween this year. So obsessed. I just finished Season 4, and we don't have showtime (yet) to watch season 5. I'm sure I will cave and pay the extra 10 bucks a month just so I can stay up to date on Dexter Morgan and his dark passenger.

The Animals / PETA.

Yep. I have become one of THOSE people. I am starting the switch to veganism, I'm part of the PETA 2 street team, protesting, fostering a kitten and of course working on dedicating my career to animal welfare. I'm happy to debate the ethical treatment of animals and no longer think PETA is crazy anymore. Chris and I - along with some friends - were even featured in a blog on PETA 2 for our circus protesting efforts. I love the animals and want to see nothing but the best for them - and so I am just trying to do my part to see that that happens.

I'm sure another new obsession is just around the corner to add to the list. Although it is way to hard to be obsessed with something when work and school keep interfering. It sure would be helpful if I were obsessed with work and school instead...

The Rules of Vegas

2010-10-05T18:32:00.002-04:00

Wow. It has been a while. I hate when I don't write a blog for forever. Fail.

So - I am going to write a blog that is a tad overdue (about a month or so), but I wanted to write it last month...just never got around to it what with school and work and yada yada yada.

Last month Chris and I decided to FINALLY take honeymoon of sorts - because 3 days driving across the country in a u-haul with 2 cats and staying in crappy hotels really doesn't allow for a relaxing and romantic experience. So after getting settled into a new place and new jobs, we decided to take a short, not-so-expensive trip to finally get away from everything and relax for a while.

We chose Las Vegas. We went there together a few years ago and decided it was time for a return trip. It was lovely. And based on our experiences last time we knew more about what to do (and not do), where to go, where to stay, etc. So, this trip by far surpassed the first. AND this one was much more needed. We stayed at Vdara - which was AMAZING. We even got a room upgrade, so our room ended up being bigger than our apartment. Fancy.

Anyways - the point of this blog is to address the "rules of Vegas" I have learned or think should be enforced based upon my couple of trips there...

1) NEVER wear flip-flops or heels in Vegas. You will definitely end up in a world of pain and visiting the Rite-Aid for some moleskin and spend the next day dangling your burning, aching feet in the pool and be reduced to hobbling EVERYWHERE.

2) DON'T bring your kids to Vegas!!!! I wouldn't think this would need to be said...but apparently it does, because I saw way too many kids there! It is NOT a family town people! What about gambling EVERYWHERE, sex EVERYWHERE, and booze EVERYWHERE = great place to take kids?!?!?! And you look like trash pushing your kid around in a stroller with a yard-long margarita.

3) AVOID Circus, Circus at ALL costs...I mean, really, just don't go further than the Wynn / Encore.

4) DO make comments under your breath about men who are CLEARLY with escorts for the evening...like "wow, it's so nice of him to bring his niece to Vegas".

5) DO make sure to relax by the pool with a far to expensive drink. It is so much more rewarding than spending all your time in a smoke-filled casino.

6) DO go to Stripburger. It's delicious, vegetarian friendly and not too expensive.

7) DON'T go to ANY club with a line - especially ones that are more than 20 people long. I have come to deduce that the longer the line, the more whore-tastic and tool-ish it is. Another gauge for an awful club: How many of the people are wearing Ed Hardy?

8) DO buy a ridiculously large drink, in the middle of the day, and walk around outside on the strip with it...because you can't do that anywhere else, really - so you better do it while you can!

9) DO play slot machines purely based on the name or theme...because you probably won't win anything anyways, so might as well enjoy the kitsch of it.

10) DO wear things you probably wouldn't back home - because no matter what, you still won't be the one standing out. EVER.

In Case You Missed It

2010-07-20T09:39:00.010-04:00

Wedding pics!!!! (by Liam Madden) featuring one of my fav songs by one of the most kindhearted and talented bands out there: "The Fisherman Song (We All Need Love)" by Mae).

Just Married

2010-07-16T12:47:00.007-04:00

Since my last post, I have undergone many major life changes.

I got a new job, moved across the country from NYC to Denver (in a u-haul with 2 cats!), found a new apartment and, oh, GOT MARRIED!!!

Even prior to the official engagement, Chris and I had been planning to elope before leaving New York. Keeping it a secret was excruciating! Although, the major players knew, like our parents and our two witnesses and other select few. We eloped in Central Park at the Bethesda Fountain and Terrace on June 28th, around sunset. It was perfect.

We had originally planned to elope on the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset. However, after taking the red-eye home from Colorado and arriving at 6 in the morning, we looked at the weather report for our wedding evening and thunderstorms were predicted at the EXACT time of the ceremony. So, erring on the safe side, Chris and I scrambled to come up with a covered place instead of a bridge on the water. So, we came up with this area in Central Park, since there's a covered area by the Bethesda Fountain. Thankfully, there wasn't a drop of rain during the ceremony or pictures, and it turned out to be BEAUTIFUL. In the end I'm happy we switched locations, as it made for some amazing pictures, all taken by Liam Madden (the pictures featured on this post are all by him...he was awesome!!!!). His wife, Judie, was our officiant and they made our wedding ceremony so special. (They specialize in surprise weddings and they are fabulous).

Our two witnesses were Drew and Daniel - two of our best friends in New York. They made the day even more memorable from their adorable matching outfits (which they came up with all on their own), a delicious dinner at ABC Kitchen (it was one of the best meals I have ever had), and a super fun after-party in our neighborhood at Destination Bar complete with bite-sized cupcakes! They truly made our wedding. It wouldn't have been complete or as unforgettable without them.

So, I'm a married woman now. Mrs. Jones (this name change thing is a pain, though). I'm back in Colorado, living with my hubby and two cats, working at a non-profit organization aimed at helping control the cat population and reduce euthanasia. Life has been a bit crazy, but in the end, I'm very happy and blessed. Although we didn't do things the traditional way, it was OUR way, and I wouldn't change a moment of it. It was exactly what I wanted, and in the end, all that matters is that I am married to a man I love with all of my heart and am excited to spend the rest of my life with him.

So, surprise!!!! We're hitched. I couldn't be happier.

I'll Be Wrapped Around Your Finger

2010-06-21T14:18:00.003-04:00

Saturday started out like any other Saturday - except that Chris was wide awake at 7:30am & grinning like an idiot, all the walls in our apartment are bare, there are boxes every where, I woke up before 10 am and we had two friends from Finland sleeping on our floor. Other than that - the usual.

We're moving in less than 2 weeks, and I had been wanting to go around our lovely (and kind of dirty) neighborhood and take pictures of our favorite little spots to hang up around the new place in Colorado (whenever we get a new place). So, Chris, humored me and said he'd walk around with me while I played tourist in my own 'hood.

We went by hang outs, restaurants, subway stations, the old apartment, the Hell's Angels club, bakeries...it was a lovely little reminiscent walk. Although it was excrutiatingly hot out, and we were both melting under the almost-summer-sun. So, when Chris suggested we stop by the tea shop by our apartment for a cooling fruit bubble tea, I wholeheartedly agreed with the idea.

We walked in the shop. I ordered. Chris ordered. He kept standing behind me. I said "You're acting weird." I got my Pixy Stix bubble tea. It was delicious. We chatted with Wit - who works there - a bit. Then paid. Tipped. Left.

We barely got out the door and Chris said: "Hmmm, look at that."

I turned around to face the window, where the ThirsTea owners (Helen and Wit) usually put cute little sayings or funny, quirky things on the window. So, I turned to see today's quip.

...

I cried. Chris knelt...I don't really remember what he said. I was bawling, couldn't really see and all sounds went muffled. But he pulled out a box. A ring. I said yes. Voila.

More crying. On the sidewalk. Complete joy. It was perfect and amazing and I am the luckiest girl EVER. :D

I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say "No"

2010-06-01T15:48:00.002-04:00

My official employment in NYC has come to a close. I now am free to prepare for this move, try to find a job, and hopefully find some moments to de-stress. Although, knowing me, that won't happen. Last night I was telling Chris that I was stressed out and anxious about not going to work today. Yes...NOT going to work. Even though my job has stressed me out so much to the point of physical illness, and I was looking forward to saying "Au revoir!" to gain some sanity, the thought of not going to work was stressing me out. Seriously. What's wrong with me?

I think it all has to do with me having purpose or something of that sort. I can't just sit around doing nothing...it makes me feel anxious and useless. I mean, I guess this is kind of a good thing - means I don't want to forever be a lump on a log and a blight on society, but at the same time, I have a bad habit of overcommitting myself and not knowing how and when to say "no" - which is a direct contributor to my chronic stress. When work asks me to come in an hour earlier the next day and work a 12 hour shift, even though I have a test due, I just say "Ok". When my friends ask me to come out at 10 o'clock on a weeknight, after already working overtime and needing to be up at 6:45 the next day, I say "Sure". When I already have 3 commitments post-work, but someone asks me to babysit, I know I need the extra cash, so I agree. This is how it always goes. I push myself to the point of exhaustion just to make everyone else happy. I have an issue with saying no. I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to be a bad employee. I don't want to be seen as unreliable. So, I sacrifice my sanity, my success, my health, myself just because I can't say "no".

I really need to work on this. I need to learn to be more selfish I guess. Especially if I am going to survive this whole career change, move, new job, school, settling down thing. I really don't know how though. It all sounds good and easy, but when it actually comes to saying that two-letter word...I can't do it! I hate this about myself. So much. And I just wish there was an easy way to fix it. I need to start saying NO so I can say YES to me and what I want...I mean, as long as that's okay with you???

The Future is Unwritten

2010-05-01T22:10:00.007-04:00

Chris and I are moving back to Colorado at the end of June, after two amazing, whirlwind, irreplaceable years in New York City. No regrets. It's been an experience I am so glad and blessed to have had. I've learned tons, done so much, seen wonderful things, made the best of friends...and now, it's time to move on. I've gotten all I can out of this fabulous city - and it will always be a second home to me, a place I will look forward to returning to, a place I owe so much to, and a place I will make sure to take advantage of in the next 2 months before leaving. Of course, I am sad and will miss so much about this capitol of the world - especially the people I have come to know and love and who I hope will be my life-long friends (yet another reason why I must return for visits frequently. I can't live without so many of these people in my life!!)

So why now? It came on kind of suddenly, but that's because Chris and I finally really sat down to examine things and see what's next, as one would expect to do when an apartment lease is nearing it's end. After MUCH discussion (and a pros and cons list), we concluded that we're ready to head to Denver and start a life out there. I mean, as the song goes, "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere" -and we have made it here.

I moved out here wanting to work in theatre. I did that. I worked at one of the biggest and most reputable non-profit theatre companies in the world! And Chris wanted to work in the music industry, which is what he's doing now. It just so turns out that it wasn't all we had hoped and dreamed these industries would be, and I personally found myself wanting to do something with my life that would have more of a profound impact on the world in some positive way. I discovered my passion for animals, and thus started on the school and work path I am on now. I don't NEED to be in New York to help animals, whereas had I wanted to stay in theatre, this would be the place to live - and so I had to weigh my options and look at what's keeping me here, and if I might benefit more being in another place.

I am broke. I live paycheck to paycheck, because I work at a small animal practice, am paying for school, utilities, food, 2 cats, transportation and my RIDICULOUS rent bill - and this routine isn't going to change much for either Chris or I in the near future. We know that by moving to Colorado, we can save significantly on living costs, and maybe even get better jobs thanks to our marketable NYC experience...which would be awesome. I can't imagine having more than a couple hundred bucks in my savings account! We need that savings account to actually move forward in our life together, and let's face it, we're not 18 anymore, so it's time to ponder the idea of growing up. I would also LOVE some money to travel around the world before getting tied down with a family. Trust me - I am not ready to get hitched, pop out some babies and play mom all day yet at all. I want some money to create a little nest egg and some fun memories before it really is time to officially settle down.

So, money, growing up, all that jazz. I'm trying to become more responsible I guess. In addition, I feel the city has had a negative impact on who I am - or maybe not so much a negative impact, as I feel I've kind of lost my way or lost who I really am. However, New York has had tremendous positive affects on me as well and shown me what I am really capable of. But, I think it's time for me to recenter myself and my priorities - and the extreme stress, toxicity, selfishness, and distractions that come with being in this city are starting to corrode my inner self and relationships. It's time for some clarity, some change - and definitely some stress relief.

I also feel like I need to be closer to my family. My brother is on one coast, I'm on the other, and I feel like we fled from our nest or something. I love my parents, and my grandma is getting older, and I feel like I need to be there for all of them, because they have been nothing but unconditionally supportive of me and all of my crazy pursuits. My cousin in Boston also recently had quite an intense medical scare that made me realize even more the importance of being close to family, because you never know what might happen. I also have some great friends in Colorado that I know will be there for me as we start from scratch again. It will be nice to see their faces again - and on a regular basis.

Some lesser influences include: fresher air, seeing the mountains again, less suspicious SUVs, Rockies games, better beer, potential puppy, REAL Target!, no more muggy, disgusting summers and the fact that I can get a way nicer apt. for a fraction of what I am paying for my teeny tiny place.

However there are many cons to packing up and moving away. I mean, this city has provided me with opportunities and experiences and friendships I can't and won't find anywhere else. I've had MULTIPLE celebrity encounters - like too many to name, including making tea next to Chris Walken, partying with Johnny Depp, and having multiple interactions with my dear Eugene Hutz. I've been to TV tapings, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the best museums, beaches, drag queen bingo, had amazing vegetarian food & many memorable nights out, learned about the wonder that is brunch, not had to deal with driving/gas/car insurance, sang out loud to the best musical numbers at "Musical Mondays", own a HUGE pile of Playbills from multiple Broadway shows (none of which I had to pay for) and the list goes on and on and on. I have taken advantage of living here, and my conclusion? I love this place. I will miss it dearly, but it will always be here.

Most of all, I will miss the people. Just thinking about saying goodbye in 2 months tears me up inside. Despite the negative attitudes and harshness of the city, I managed to befriend the kindest, most genuine, loving, fun people here. I am so blessed because of that, but it makes leaving so much harder. So all of you better stay in touch!!! Or else.

I think that pretty much sums things up. Each day I come up with new reasons why going back is gonna be great and the right decision and, conversely, why leaving is going to suck so hard. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

I am so going to miss the Manhattan skyline at night while crossing the bridge back from Brooklyn. That moment is when I always would say to myself "I am so glad I live here"...but it still won't compare to my family's faces, my boyfriend finding some stress-free moments, and the joy of visiting all of my loved-ones here in the Big Apple from time to time.

NYCers: Let's hang out. A lot. Before I leave. And do all our favorite things!
And COers: Get ready.

Sitting in a Russian Bathhouse

2010-04-29T18:34:00.005-04:00

Had to post this (from Rollingstone.com) because...
a) It's Eugene.
b) The place he's at it just a few doors down from my apt! He was SO CLOSE. Yet so far away.
c) I now know that I live on the same street as the "Russian Bathhouse on Avenue B", and that is awesome.
Enjoy.

Egg-static

2010-04-02T17:39:00.002-04:00

Well, Easter is upon us. Again. Like usual.

This year I get to work on Easter! Lucky me. (Please note the sarcasm). Although, I'm sure this isn't the first Easter I've had to work. I'm sure while being a slave to the almighty caffeine zombies as a Barista, I worked an Easter or two. And besides, Easter just really isn't the same when you're not near family, don't have a church you like to go, and aren't between the ages of 2 and 12 anymore.

Don't get me wrong - I regard Easter very highly in my heart and soul, and have multiple fond memories of Easters past. It's just that now, it's more of an internal, introspective holiday- not so much the technicolor and marshmallow sweet fun it used to be.

I blame my parents. Why? Because they made my Easters WAY too enjoyable. To this day (and for the rest of my life) I still get Easter baskets full of goodies - although the contents have changed slightly from Polly Pockets and Silly Putty to Mascara and Whole Foods Gift cards. Still, it's not Easter without my basket!!! Of course, back in the day, we had to work for our Easter gifts a bit - via a full contact, no holds barred, EXTREME egg hunt. It was all very complicated, and involved numbers and clues and 6 children and pandemonium (and some bruised, bloody limbs), but in the end it was about fun, family, creativity, and a great Holiday...and some pretty awesome scrunchies one year. Point being...my Easters growing up were AMAZING. My parents? Still amazing.

One thing I keep going every year - family or not - is egg dying. I LOVE dying eggs! I don't really know why exactly, but I do. It's such a blast to make all of these round, blank canvases into works of art!!! ...and then tear up the work of art and enjoy it on a salad :) In fact, I'm doing my annual easter egg dying tonight! With a side of wine, of course - gets the creative juices flowing. Some eggs of Easters past include a Nightmare Before Christmas egg, drama masks egg, peace sign egg, Zoolander egg, pirate egg...options are endless (and rarely actually related to Easter, but I do throw in a Spring egg every now and then).

So, happy Easter everyone! I hope all of you have a great Easter and get to do the things that make this holiday so special to you. (And mom - feel free to send me some coconut bunny cake. Thanks).

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.'

What I've Been Up to Since November: A Visual Journey

2010-03-26T12:19:00.002-04:00

Just push play...

It's Been Ages

2010-03-12T17:48:00.002-05:00

It's been about 3 1/2 months since I've written, which correlates directly with how busy I have been in that span of time.

Life has changed a lot since November. 1) I quit my theatre industry job 2) I started working at an animal hospital 3) I started taking classes (through Purdue University) to become a veterinary technician.

So, I've been a bit occupied balancing work, school and my sanity. Not easy. At all. I'm exhausted. However, I feel like I'm doing the right thing. Finally. Fingers crossed. I wish I would have figured all of this out the first time around, instead of changing career paths so dramatically and having to go through school all over again. But, things just never seem to happen that easily, do they?

So, I have entered the world of veterinary medicine. A completely different side of my brain is being exercised. I am SO glad to be working at an animal hospital while going to school - it's the best learning tool and online classes at this point seem like the best option - so I can still work full time to pay rent AND tuition. Needless to say, I'm still eating pb&j everyday since I'm lacking in the funds department even more so than before. My social life has taken a beating, but that certainly helps with the whole not having money thing . Ha ha.

I may sound like I'm complaining a lot - and yes, there are days when the stress of everything makes it hard to function - but I'm pretty happy. I'm excited to know that one day, I'll be able to make an impact on the lives of many animals and hopefully be able to work at a rescue or shelter and save as many lives as possible. I may end up even going to veterinary school. Who knows? Dr. Taylor has a nice ring to it :) The options are pretty vast in this new field, and it gives me a lot more freedom. I'm excited to see what the next 5 years hold.

Okay, that's all for now. I have to get ready to go see a show with my friend, Casey (Fuerza Bruta, in case you cared to know). More of an update on my life...or something...to come - just wanted to say I'm alive. And surviving. Peace.

Going Off the Depp End

2009-11-20T14:55:00.002-05:00

My life has been a bit topsy turvy and surreal as of late...

I'm quitting my current job (today is my last day).
I got a new job (at a vet office...bye-bye theatre industry).
AND I got into school at Purdue University to study Veterinary Technology.

Major life changes and new directions.

Thankfully I get to stay in NYC since the program at Purdue is an AVMA accredited distance learning program. I mean, I can only take SO much change at once. Moving isn't in the cards right now (although, financially speaking, neither really is school). Oh well. Might as well do all of this while I'm still young and foolish enough to actually go through with it.

PLUS if I moved away from New York, I wouldn't get to experience the perks of living here. Such as...going to the after party at the Museum of Modern Art's benefit honoring Tim Burton, where an exhibition of his artwork, movies, props, drawings, etc is opening this month. I wouldn't get to drink free wine and have an early viewing of said exhibit, which I was allowed to take pics of (but, no one will be allowed to do so when it opens). I wouldn't be given the opportunity to stand feet away from Tim Burton, Helena Bonham Carter, and JOHNNY DEPP!!! Yes. Johnny Depp.

It's true. He was drinking his red wine, tousling his hair about, laughing, chit-chatting...looking gorgeous. AND while I was deep in a trance staring at him (mouth open, no doubt), he looked down (from his VIP balcony), saw me staring, and waved. AT ME. WAVED AT ME. Just ME and my friend Amber. Just US. I waved back. He waved back again.

For that tiny moment, I was singled out by Johnny Depp. He knew I existed! ANNNNND rest assured everyone...he exists too. This enigma I have been obsessed with since the age of 7 is real...and soooooo beautiful...and sooooooo nice. I spent the next hour and a half pretty much just watching his every move and trying to keep my legs wobbly with excitement and shock from buckling.

Best night ever.

Now on with my life.

Up next, hopefully: Chapter 2 - Johnny and I converse (and then I faint).

Where were you on THAT one, Karma?!?!?

2009-11-09T13:26:00.004-05:00

This past Friday night, I went to see the amazing, adorable and talented MAE in concert. Now, not only have they supplied my life with a wonderful soundtrack over the past 6 years of ups and downs, but they've been through their own business ups and downs, and finally decided to break out on their own - sans record label - and devote their time, energy, hearts and music to doing good in the world. They've been releasing a song a month, available for download at a cost of $1 (or more if you so desire) and each dollar raised goes to the humanitarian cause they are funding at that time. They're such good guys, and have helped so many people - from teachers needing funding in their classrooms to animals in a shelter needing supplies.

So, then WHY would these guys who have done so much good in the world be victims of theft? It just doesn't seem right or just or fair! Their van and trailer, with ALL of their stuff - merch, equipment, instruments, etc., were stolen in Philadelphia. Everything - gone.

I feel so horrible for them! YET they still played the show the next night (in NYC) and have finished out their (A)fternoon tour - thanks to borrowed instruments from the other bands on the tour. I could definitely tell they were down in the dumps when they played last week - but by the end, I think their spirits were a bit lifted thanks to the supportive crowd, and they played multiple song requests and stayed after the show to talk to everyone.

It's just horrendous to see such an awful thing happen to such great people! So, I think it's time for everyone else to give a little something back to Mae, since they've given so much of themselves to everyone else. You can donate money directly to them (and their stolen stuff), or at least download a song or two - just a little something so they know people care.

(There's a link to their website in the first paragraph or go to whatismae.com)

An Overlooked Dating Service

2009-10-21T16:28:00.003-04:00

For those of you still looking for that special someone, I say you forget about personal ads, eHarmony and speed dating. Stop waiting for your friends to hook you up on a blind date or paying too much money for a self-proclaimed "matchmaker" to find your soul-mate.

I have found another option. An option which either your job will pay you to pursue OR the state will. You get to get out of work to do it, and the assortment of people you will encounter is quite varied. Should you not find the person your looking for this time around, then you can always try again in a few years. What is this fabulous dating service that has been both overlooked and begrudgingly attended?

Jury duty.

It is the perfect place to find your next, and maybe last, significant other. You find out SO much about a person - and you don't even have to say a word to them if you don't want to.

You can see what they like to read / do in their spare time (whilst sitting in the jury pool room). During the Voir Dire, you can find out where they live, what they do, if they are actually single, if they have kids, if they are intolerant of any groups or legal matters, if they've been sued or sued others...the list goes on and on! I mean, in the "normal" dating world it might take multiple dates, weeks or months for someone to figure this kind of stuff about someone. No need to waste your time and energy on dates - you get the dirt up front.

Things might even progress past the looking and listening portion...who knows, you may end up being on a case together or perhaps going on your lunch break together (and actually talking to each other). Who knows? A love connection just might happen...and you might get to send someone to jail - all at the same time.

Be Sure to Drink Your Ovaltine

2009-09-10T16:30:00.003-04:00

"I can barely keep my eyes open right now. "

I think I could say this at any time of the day as of late and it would be 100% true. I am exhausted. I can't think straight. I keep yawning. I trip - more so than usual. I can't sleep well at night. I can barely move when I get home. I don't want to do anything...because I can't focus, stand up or stay awake.

I am constantly hitting a proverbial wall.

Thing is, I don't really know why this is happening to me. I haven't been staying out late or exposing myself to long periods of strenuous activity. I thought maybe it was the new cat, who likes to whine incessantly in the evening. Or maybe it's because I've been wickedly stressed about what the heck I'm supposed to do with my life? But no.

It dawned on me that this extreme fatigue coincides quite well with when I started taking my daily vitamin more infrequently and then stopped altogether when I ran out (because, let's face it, in this economy, vitamins...which are ridiculously expensive...are not top on my list of things to buy). PLUS being a vegetarian siphons out a lot of the B12 vitamins / iron I need to be getting in my diet.

And what does a lack of B12 and iron mean, you ask? Well...let's take a look:

tiredness and palpitations (awareness of heartbeat)
Shortness of breath and dizziness
Weight loss (I wish I was experiencing this one!)
muscle weakness
difficulties with walking and coordination
psychological symptoms such as memory loss, confusion and depression.
disturbed sleep

AND...
general lethargy; fatigue; muscle weakness; light-headedness; irritability; unusual paleness; shortness of breath, ringing in the ears, sensations of burning or numbness, visual hallucinations, and sometimes even sleep apnea.

So folks, right after work today, I am off to get myself some more vitamins...fortified with B12.

Let this be a lesson to you - make sure you get your iron! And also, until this all sorts out, you might not want to hang out with me...since, I'm fatigued, irritable, uncoordinated and confused.

Some Advice

2009-08-26T11:55:00.003-04:00

Because I'm too tired to think straight, let alone come up with a blog of original thought, I'm posting the lyrics from Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen) - because whenever this comes on my iPod, my outlook on life is always a little brighter for the rest of the day. In fact, I think if I lived my life by these words, I just might be a MUCH happier person. Maybe that should be my new pursuit? While I ponder that, enjoy this :) I've bolded some of my favorite parts.

Wear Sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You're not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

I'm so glad...

2009-08-21T13:47:00.002-04:00

...Chris got a job!!! It's a full-time job, with normal working hours and in the music industry. JUST what he's been striving for.

...Fall is right around the corner. This August weather is going to be the death of me. Imagine a sauna/steam room put together. THAT'S the weather here right now.

...we're adopting another cat tomorrow! I'm so happy we're able to a) rescue another cat in need of a loving home and b) find a friend for Ligeia, since she'll be alone a lot more now that Chris will be a 10 to 6er like me.

...the Rockies are winning - and I now have a jersey to flaunt my pride.

...Drew's not leaving me for LA just yet. I don't know what I would do if he did.

...Chris and I have been together - as of today - for 3 years. I'm a lucky girl.

...today is Friday.

...it's TV premiere season! Even though I can't find the time to watch everything I want to. I already have a lot of catching up to do.

...we're FINALLY almost done decorating the apartment. It has taken far too long.

...to be searching for a new direction. Now I just need to find it.

.

Correspondence

2009-07-27T15:10:00.010-04:00

Hey NYC Prep kids,
Just wanted to let you know that you are NEVER going to be Chuck Bass. So please stop trying.
PS - I hope BRAVO cancels you. Hard.

Dear Matt Holliday,
Oh, how you have crushed my soul! First the A's and now the Cardinals?!?!? It physically hurts to see you in that uniform. I don't think we can ever have what we once did.

Dear NYPD,
I think the fine for blocking an intersection is a) ridiculous and b) kind of sad that you actually hand those out. This is NYC! Isn't there something more pressing you should be taking care of...like all the shootings in Bushwick and Bed-Stuy? Just a thought. Also, it's kind of unavoidable sometimes. Have you SEEN the traffic on Canal St.?!? No? Oh, right. You're too busy handing out stupid tickets.

Dear Fresh Direct,
Thank you for making my life so much easier. I love doing my grocery shopping online, with the ability to order paper towels and toilet paper in bulk - since I would never carry those home on my own - and to remove items from my virtual shopping cart when I realize how overboard I was with my spending. You bring it all to my doorstep, while I continue to watch mind-numbing television such as Charm School on VH1. You even deliver beer. You're a dream come true.

Dear Pete Wentz and Madonna,
I hate you. Both. (And I didn't want to waste my time writing this message twice.)

Dear Johnny Depp and Eugene Hutz,
I love you. Both. (But in very different ways.) If you would like to come hang out with me in person, I would love to go into greater detail as the whys.

Dear Michael Showalter,
Thanks for being such a cat aficionado...and for making me laugh. You are kind of an awkward person though - but I still like you.
ps -Tell Mike Black "hi!", and I hate that he's skinnier than me.

Dear Blink-182,
I think it's kind of annoying that you JUST decided to add a NYC show. We bought our tickets to the Atlantic City show as soon as the pre-sale happened MONTHS ago, since you decided to forgo playing a date actually in the city. And now, you decide to play here?!??! Well, I think you kind of screwed over all of your REAL NYC fans. You shouldn't do that. Not nice. At all. I hate to reprimand you for this, but you deserve it. I still love you...I just don't LIKE you right now. I would probably get over it if I got some free tix to the Madison Square Garden show and backstage passes or something. Consider that and get back to me. Thanks. (I really do still love you. Thanks for getting back together. Just don't do this again, please.)

Dear girl I saw on the sidewalk the other day,
I love that you were sitting outside on a stoop finishing off a pint of Ben and Jerry's on your own. AND you must of planned this, since you were eating it with a metal spoon. We should be friends.

Dear Criss Angel,
This new season of yours better not suck. Don't disappoint me again.

Dear Vegas,
I really REALLY want to come visit you. A lot. I need to see your pools, feel your dry heat and drink your yard-long margaritas...and do nothing else. So, I'm trying to pull some strings and maybe I'll see you sooner than later? I really need a vaca. Pronto. This darn lack of money thing keeps getting in the way...but I miss you so! Hopefully we shall meet again soon!

Dear whoever made chocolate so accessible, popular and delicious,
THANK YOU!

(east) Village People

2009-07-27T13:53:00.003-04:00

I love my neighborhood.

I am so glad I don't work and live in the same neighborhood. I already associate work and midtown with bad things, so to live in the same area would only exacerbate things. I feel so stressed and out of place - and angry at the slow-moving packs of the creatures known as "tourists" - in Times Square, but the instant I step off the L train and into the East Village, I feel like I'm back in my own skin again. I trade the cheap souvenirs and chaotic lights for my lovely tree-lined block, with the aroma of the salt scrub from the Russian baths and the sight of the little pink and green tea shop next to my apartment.

Yes, it may be a little dirty, and have a faint smell of stale urine in the mornings, but I can't imagine living in any other neighborhood on Manhattan. There's raw vegan food across the street, bubble tea next door, an old bath house a few doors down, a park 1/2 a block away, an antique store outside my door, the Life Cafe is a block down (for the Rentheads), my favorite pizza is still 3 blocks away, and Rice to Riches still delivers.

I love my neighborhood - the art, the food, the bars, the bums. I wouldn't want to come home each day to any other mix of storefronts, sidewalks, and faces.

Desperately Seeking Purpose

2009-07-15T14:22:00.004-04:00

I am at such a horrid point in my life right now - and I am hoping that this is normal. I really want this to be a phase that all twenty-somethings have to go through, or at least the majority of twenty-somethings. Some empathy or knowing I'm not alone in the universe on this front might help. Maybe.

I am STILL trying to figure out with the heck to do with my life...and it is making me utterly miserable. Just when I think I have things figured out, I realize I was dead wrong. I'm at square one all over again.

I moved to NYC, had two internships, briefly worked at a restaurant (3 days briefly, to be precise), got a real job...and now, a year and a month later since making that journey across country, I feel like I'm not headed anywhere. Stagnant. Listless. I made a plunge into something I really thought I was passionate about, and yet, I feel like my current job is sucking that passion out of me more and more each day - along with my soul. So, where do I turn? How am I supposed to find the career that I love; the career that I wake up each day excited to go to? I want to make a difference in the world, leave a mark - or at least know I tried. Right now, the only difference I am making is the wallpaper on my computer screen.

I went home for less than 48 hours a couple weekends ago. It made me think about where I've come and where I am going. Was it completely stupid of me to come out to the Big Apple? Wouldn't it just have been easier and more financially sound to have stayed in Colorado, gotten my teacher's license and started teaching? Well, of course. And it would have been nice to stay by my family and friends. However, a) then I would have spent my whole life wondering "what if?" and b) when has what I truly, deeply want ever come easy to me? Never.The easy way out is never the answer, and the stuff that takes the most work is usually the most worth it in the end.

I do love New York. I honestly believe I am supposed to be here - at least for now. I just haven't discovered what I am supposed to do here. I know God has something in mind for me. I know he wants me here for a reason. I just don't know his plan, but I am desperately seeking his path, which I feel is leading me in a new, exciting direction, full of purpose. I just need the strength, resolve and courage to follow it.

Movin' On Up

2009-06-17T15:50:00.002-04:00

...still on the east side.

In case you haven't heard, Chris and I found a new apartment! And we are officially moving everything this Sunday, with the help of a U-Haul and a few friends. We are moving uptown - a whole 6 blocks uptown.

We love our neighborhood too much to leave it - so instead we're moving up and over a little - up 6 street blocks and over 1 avenue block. We're closer to the park, laundry, the train, annnnnnd it's a ONE BEDROOM!!! Walls. Doorways. Doors. All plural. Can't wait.

It also has a dishwasher, which is so uncommon in the city...and it's even full-sized! So is the refrigerator. Quite amazing. Especially for the East Village. There are four windows, it's in the back of the building, and there's even a real-size closet. We got really lucky finding this place. We randomly looked at it one morning before work, a day after it had been posted on CraigsList, and we decided to apply for it. Come 2pm, we had a new place.

We've been taking a few things over via foot and getting the place all ready for our arrival. I'm so ready to move - it's definitely a step up from our current residence. Of course, I will miss the ex-Misfits member who lives upstairs and the close proximity to the grocery store and vegetarian cuisine...but I am thrilled to explore my new surroundings, which include an adorable, organic salon, the Russian baths, new pizza shops to sample and the L train. And I can rest easy - we are still 3 blocks from our favorite pizza place.

SOOOOOOO if you're bored on Sunday - and in NYC - come help us move, please! Pizza and beer will be provided :)

Pics are coming soon...

Such a Fine Line Between Stupid and Clever

2009-05-28T13:32:00.007-04:00

This past Tuesday, I got to experience an event I thought I never would ever get to be a part of in my lifetime. I thought my chance had passed me by, and I would forever only be allowed to dream, and not be.

...but it is not so.

On Tuesday I got to see Spinal Tap. Live. Well...the members of the fictional band, Spinal Tap, and the actors and director of such beloved, hilarious and genius films such as: A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show and For Your Consideration.

Harry Shearer. Michael McKean. And, of course, Christopher Guest: Unwigged and Unplugged...and sold out. It was a sublime experience.

Grant it, I'm poor, so Chris and I were in the VERY back of the theater - highest balcony and all - but, still. It was such a fun, surreal, wonderful night.

Why was this SO amazing and should you go see them if you get the chance???

A) These guys are hilarious.
B) They play all of their own instruments, and not just guitars/bass - Christopher Guest plays a mean mandolin and Michael McKean can tickle the ivories.
c) Did I say they are hilarious?
D) It is so fun to see them change from character to character to themselves to another character - Nigel to Corky St. Clair. Spinal Tap to The Folksmen.
E) If you love, or even just like, the movies they have created...GO! Of course, this is coming from the girl who threw a Christopher Guest party. Nerd much? Yes. And proud of it.
F) It's like watching your dad at one moment, telling corny jokes, and then a badass rockstar the next, singing suggestive lyrics. It's all so strange yet wonderful at the same time.
G) Elvis Costello!!! He showed up at our concert -and sang "Gimme Some Money" with the guys.
F) Q&A session - however, no questions about the number 11 are permitted. But you may just get the approval from Christopher Guest to do your own production of Red, White and Blaine.
G) A mini Stonehenge and trolls - while listening to this classic of course:

Stonehenge - Spinal Tap

H) Hearing Christopher Guest do Corky's voice in person...and watching him attempt the toe touch from the end of "Penny for Your Thoughts"
I) They are HILARIOUS!!! ...but also, completely genius and talented.
J) A new Spinal Tap song (new record comes out 6/16)
K) Do you really need another reason?

Hunting Season

2009-04-23T17:21:00.012-04:00

It's that (dreaded) time again, folks. Well, for me at least. Apartment hunting in NYC.

Few activities are more grueling, draining and depressing. The last time I tried this, I slept on the floor and lived out of a suitcase for a month, looking at apartments all over the five boroughs - well, except for Staten Island. Why would I EVER do that?!?!

So, now that I'm deep into the search yet again, I thought I might take a blog entry to give you a glimpse into the wonderful world of apartment listings in New York:

Pre-War Studio with LAUNDRY/GARDEN in Building
(I have ALWAYS wanted a garden in the building. Takes away that pesky going outside thing.)

Ever want to be like Kramer and fufill your dreams of living on levels! the apartment features a full ceiling 2-step (like the dance) raised bedroom
(Yes. I am not joking. This really was a listing.)

X-Large Jr. 1 Bedroom
(Um. Oxymoron much?)

1695 / 1br - REAL 1 BR NO FEE....DEAL OF THE MONTH!!!!FREE GREY GOOSE
THIS IS THE DEAL OF THE MONTH NEW KITCHEN AND BATH GREAT LIGHT PRIME LOCATION CALL ASAP GET THIS ONE BEFORE THE FIRST OF THE MONTH AND WE WILL GIVE YOU A BOTTLE OF GREY GOOSE IF YOU RENT THIS APT. CLICK ON AGENT PROFILE TO VIEW MORE LISTINGS
(An apartment AND vodka?!?!?! Well, then sign me up!)

as you can see the hallway is very wide great for storage or inviting very wide guests to dinner.
(Finally - my wide guests can come over to my apartment!)

Do you want to live downtown? Do you want to pay under $1700? Do you want to walk no more than 3 flights up? Do you hate sleeping in your living room? DUMP YOUR PSYCHO ROOMMATE AND LIVE ALONE!!!! If you answered yes, you need to be here today
(Yes. YES. YES!!!!! um....errrrr....okay.)

Stabilized Oldish Tenement 1 Bdrm at Baxter & Canal
(Well, it is only oldISH. So, maybe it'll work.)

..and that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's like scrounging through a garbage heap trying to find a decent place to actually look at - and those usually end up being hell holes too. Yay! I don't know which is worse: the fact that people actually put these in ads or the fact that they thought this was actually a way to interest people into renting the place. Hmmmmm. The hunt continues...

Birthday Limbo

2009-04-16T14:55:00.002-04:00

I just turned 24 this past Sunday.

24. Not a very exciting number, if you ask me.

I'm at that point in life where I am at a standstill as far as birthdays and age go - a limbo of sorts.

Think about it - there are milestone birthdays all the way up until 21.
1, 5, 10, 13, 16, 18, 21...and then...no more wind in the sails.

On the other side of the coin, I'm not to the "over-the-hill" point in birthdays. I'm not dreading the next April 12th, or celebrating my 29th birthday for the tenth time in a row. I don't get cards with lame "you're so old..." jokes.

Birthdays are neither exciting nor excruciating. They don't thrill nor scare me. My birthday is just there: just a day signifying that I am in fact still on this earth another year later. I don't really think "celebrating" is the right word for this sort of birthday - more just, acknowledging.

My parents helped me acknowledge said birthday by visiting me in the city last week. It was so lovely.

I will be further acknowledging my birthday this Saturday, at the Bulgarian Bar, with friends.

(Should you want to acknowledge my 24th year on planet earth, I will gladly accept gifts.)

:)

New York Evolution

2009-04-09T16:43:00.004-04:00

In the past 10 months I have lived in New York (I still can't believe I've been here that long already!!!) I have developed some new tastes - literally and figuratively speaking - and habits.

What brings this up? I'm going to say it's the delicious Pinkberry I am eating while sitting here at my desk - original with strawberries and chocolate. Yum. Pinkberry is amazing - although, to be honest, I kind of hated it the first time I had it. I went in expecting sugary ice cream - that's not what I got. However, I am now addicted to this frozen yogurt and their fruity, fun and filling toppings. I'm a huge fan - and have it, on average, twice a week. It grows on you - Which is probably evidenced by my lovehandles.

Gossip Girl. I watch sitcoms and reality TV (including documentaries). That's about it. I have never been one to watch dramas, or sports, or news programs (with the exception of To Catch A Predator), or soap operas. I especially spat in the programming face of TEEN dramas - such as the O.C., which my older brother never missed an episode of and now owns on DVD. All of this changed once I found Gossip Girl. Grant it, I started watching it because of my internship at a casting office, but after watching the whole first season in four days, I became a HUGE fan. Of course, when something takes place in the city you live in, that's kind of fun to watch, or when Blake Lively walks past you in front of your apartment building as your fumbling for your keys, or when you've actually visited the set and stood in "Blair's Penthouse". Stuff like that. Yes it's dramatic. Yes it's not based in reality. Sure, it's nothing like the high school I knew. Yep, the kids act too old for their age. Still - I can't turn away. I think part of it might be just because I love to read New York Magazine's Reality Index Tuesday morning Gossip Girl wrap up blog.

Sushi. This word would have elicited this response a few months ago: EWWWWWW! But now, there are days when my sushi craving is quite intense. Although, vegetarian sushi really isn't that scary. Who doesn't like rice, asparagus and mango all rolled up into seaweed? It's quite yummy, especially with some steamed edamame on the side. I count myself extremely lucky, since there's a fantastic sushi place that delivers in my neighborhood.

Not Paying for theatre. When living in Colorado, I would pay (errrr, or another party would pay for me) ridiculous amounts to go see theatre. Some shows I saw in Denver or the Springs include West Side Story, Cats, Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Beauty and the Beast, and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, just to name a few. Think of all the money that was spent. Worth it? At the time, of course! Now I am living in the theatre-goer's mecca. I can see anything and everything, pretty much. And even though I have all of these shows right outside my door, I refuse to pay for them. I have gone from wanting to see whatever musical was coming to the Denver Center, forking out whatever amount I was told, to not laying down a dime to see the hottest show on the market. And still, I have a stack of playbills, rising far above the stack I have accumulated up until moving here. Just last week, I saw 5 shows in 7 days - all free. Sometimes, the best things in life ARE free. You just have to be in the right place at the right time - and then you too can watch EXIT THE KING on Broadway, starring an awe-inspiring Geoffrey Rush and Susan Surandon, from the sixth row...in FRONT of Julia Roberts...for free.

Red Velvet Cake. I have gone from eating both Red Velvet cake and cupcakes from once or twice a year, to once or twice a month. I blame this adorable little bakery a couple avenue blocks away from me. Their specialty is Red Velvet cakes and cupcakes. O.M.G. Soooooo good. I'll gorge myself to sickness on that stuff - 'cause you feel guilty if you stop eating it. It seems like such a waste if you do. I even adore the cream cheese frosting! Shocking I know - given my past loathing of cream cheese (I still HATE cheesecake, however).

Cats. Past blogs should explain this in detail.

Pizza once a week. It seems excessive. But when you have the best pizza in the world a couple blocks away, once a week actually seems to be not enough.

Boys. In college, especially toward the latter half, my best friends were girls. I was always doing stuff with "the girls". But now, I have "my boys" - and I wouldn 't trade them for anything. Chris -my straight boyfriend -is the love of my life, and Drew and Casey - my gay boyfriends- are my besties! Love them all to pieces - albeit in very different ways.

I have a few little changes here and there, thanks to the Big Apple. But don't fret - I'm still me: I'm still afraid of mascots. I'd still freak out if I met Johnny Depp. I love watching FRIENDS. I stand by my vegetarianism. I miss my family. I want a dog. I only eat doghnuts once a year. I'm a Christian. I enjoy lazy days. My mom's cooking is better than anything I can find in a restuarant. I hate wearing heels, I love some weird bands...

...some things never change.

What's New Pussycat?

2009-03-22T19:01:00.004-04:00

As mentioned in my last blog, Chris and I were contemplating getting a cat. Well, the contemplation is over: we have a cat.

Two weeks ago yesterday, we brought home the newest addition to the family. Despite the sleepless nights, more crap in the apartment, no dead mice (yet) and the added cost, I couldn't be happier to have her.

Chris and I went to the ASPCA to adopt a cat. Being first time cat owners, we didn't want a kitten, and we both wanted to rescue a cat in need and give it a loving home. I highly recommend the ASPCA. They are a great organization to adopt through - very helpful, not too expensive, and truly want both you and the animal to be happy.

After spending an hour or so interacting with quite a few cats, Chris and I came to the mutual decision on the one we wanted to take home: Fila - a 1 1/2 year old female, tuxedo (black and white) cat. I knew I wanted her when I held her and she began to purr.

The sad thing about Fila is that no one was adopting her - despite how sweet and pretty she is - because her blood test came up as indeterminate for FIV (the cat version of HIV). However, after discussing this with the vet - and the likelihood that she's probably positive - we still wanted to take her home. She needs a loving home just as much, perhaps more, as the other cats there. We have to get her re-tested next month. Unfortunately, there's no cure or medication for FIV positive cats. They could live normal lives, or die in three years. Hopefully she lives a long, happy life, whether she's positive or not.

We brought Fila home and have since renamed her. We chose the name Ligeia. This it the name of the main character in Edgar Allan Poe's short story of the same name. She is a beautiful, intelligent, black-haired woman - the love of the narrator's life - who dies, but comes back to life at the end of the story. It seemed appropriate, given how adorable she is, her black fur, her "second life" with us, and Chris and my adoration of Mr. Poe.

She is such a wonderful cat. I have never been a cat person...until now. She is so sweet, yet playful. Her personality comes out more and more each day. She is extremely high maintenance...just like me :) ...but she gives a lot of love and purrs in return.

Here's a little video of Ligeia:

These are Desperate Times

2009-03-04T16:12:00.002-05:00

...and desperate measures are called for.

The recession. Unemployment rates skyrocketing. High School Musical 4 in the works. My lack of a haircut in the past 5 months.

Nope. Not as desperate as what I am facing in my tiny east village apartment. Are you ready???

Mice.

No, not mouse. Nor the computer kind. Multiple moving, crawling, icky, little, living mice. Well, two are dead now, but there's at least one who is plaguing my life right now. It's a sneaky one, who apparantly knows how to steer clear of all manner of apparatices, devices and other tricks of the trade desgined to kill, repel, or trap mice.

I'm going crazy. I am scared of my own home, and something the size of half of my palm is running my life. On top of that, a roach showed up dead yesterday too. Although, that's probably cause we changed out the traps, but STILL. I clean my apartment all the time, we seal holes, we are proactive about this kind of thing, and yet I still have to deal with it. And let me tell you, I pay way too much for rent to have to deal with this crap.

Therefore, I am seriously considering stooping to a level I never thought I would: adopting a cat.

I know. Quite drastic. But I honestly don't know what else to do. Besides, it might be kind of nice to have some companionship when Chris is working nights, and cats require a lot less attention than dogs, so it's something we can actually take care of at this point in our lives...I think it might be a really good thing. And now that Chris is making money, we can afford it. It's a stepping stone to getting a dog I think. And, if it kills the stupid mice, that alone is worth it.

So, Chris and I are starting to look into adopting a cat. I'll keep you posted. Unless the mouse kills me first.

Let the Vlogging Begin...

2009-02-21T21:03:00.002-05:00

I Bruise Like a Peach

2009-02-16T22:13:00.008-05:00

I am a klutz...and I have the pictures to prove it. I feel like I wake up each day with a new bruise, and usually little to no idea how it got there. I must bump into things a lot and not even realize it. Here is a little photographic journey to highlight some of my documented clumsiness...

Okay, this isn't real. It's just stage make-up. Although I wouldn't be surprised if I did this to myself. It might happen one day. (from Spring 2006)

This happened while I was studying abroad in Ireland (Fall 2006). I learned a very important lesson while I was there: slippers + marble steps +running = ouch.

That's my knee. This little gem came to be after a weekend trip to Scotland - Edinburgh to be precise - in the Fall of 2006. There's a good reason why I never had a bunk bed growing up, and this is that reason. I stayed at a hostel in Scotland with, like most hostels, bunk beds. I took the top bunk, a little detail I forgot in the middle of the night when I stepped out of bed to go the bathroom. Kristi went boom. I fell from the top bunk, to the floor, landing on my knee...and the poor Australian boy in the bunk bed next to mine. Oops.

This is a recent one - as in last week - Feb. 2009. I don't know how it got there. I woke up one morning after a jolly trip to the Bulgarian Bar the night before and I found this bruise. I'm going to blame the very intense gypsy dancing.

I am looking at this bruise as I write this blog. It's a fresh one. How'd it get there? Beats me. I woke up and voila! I really need to be more careful I guess... I feel bad for Chris, because people are going to start thinking he beats me. I should never use "I fell down the stairs" as an excuse. That'll just make things worse for him.

At this rate, I'm going to have to start living in a bubble. Even so, I'm sure I'd still find a way to mistakenly mutilate my poor body.

Kristi is Having the Best Week Ever!

2009-02-04T11:11:00.005-05:00

Well, at least it's shaping up to be a pretty darn good week - but, it is only Wednesday.

Sunday - I deemed this past Sunday "New York Day", because Chris and I did a bunch of New Yorker things all in succession:
Step 1 - A big brunch complete with mimosas and bloody marys at a trendy restaurant uptown.
Step 2 - Stroll downtown to catch a matinee Broadway show.
Step 3 - Stop at a diner for Cheesecake, a black and white cookie and coffee pre-show.
Step 4 - Go to a Broadway matinee. We saw Equus - starring Daniel Radcliffe (Yes, Harry Potter) - since it's in its last week

It was a busy day. But quite lovely, even though my sugar level was through the roof after eating so much. Equus was very enjoyable - despite all of the 'tween girls in the audience drooling over Mr. Radcliffe. I do applaud him though. If there is any role to help him get out of the wizarding, goody-goody, saccharine Harry Potter stereotype, this is it. He plays a character who blinds six horses, smokes, curses, has quite an...intense scene involving a horse, and gets naked. Completely naked. I wonder how those 'tweens view him now...? I have gained much more respect for the kid. He actually has a great deal of talent. I really hope he explores more stage roles, and that he doesn't get pigeonholed into similar movie roles such as Harry Potter for the rest of his life, because that would be a waste of talent.

Also, Sunday brought an hour-long all new Office episode post-Superbowl. Just when I think this show can't get any better, it completely proves me wrong and outdoes itself every time.

Monday - I usually hate Mondays, for obvious reasons, but this one was pretty good. It was my first day as NOT an intern - huzzah! I survived - wahoo! And I went to Musical Mondays after work was said and done - yippee! Musical Mondays is a weekly occurrence at Splash - a gay bar in Chelsea. It is one of the most amazing experiences EVER.:2 for 1 drinks, songs from musicals, HUGE TV screens displaying said musical numbers, and everyone singing along. My favorite moment had to be when they played Seize the Day from Newsies. It was magical. Oh how I love Newsies (and pre-profanity ridden, tyrannical Christian Bale). Plus, I went with GREAT people. It was a barrel o' fun...even if the unisex bathroom confuses me.

Tuesday - Work was a little busier than I expected it to be - but I got to leave a little earlier than usual - so it all evens out in the end. The reason why I got to leave marks the highlight of my Tuesday. Chris - very randomly and by a stroke of luck - got us tickets to the Colbert Report. It was so much fun! Stephen Colbert is such a cool (well, in a nerdy way) and very nice guy...and of course, hilarious. If you missed last night's show, you can catch it again this evening, 8:30 EST (and you can even spot Chris and I at the top of the show when they pan over the audience). I would definitely go again...although the Daily Show and Conan O'Brien are still on my lists...but I love the Report and seeing the taping was incredibly entertaining. I love that I live in a city where I can do stuff like this.

Wednesday - That brings us up to the present. It's a slow day at work, but that means I can catch up on my blog writing. Nothing really monumental is on my plate for post-work, but I have no complaints about that. A night with my boyfriend and some Top Chef sounds good.

Thursday - Um, another NEW Office episode. Need I say more?

Friday (and overlapping into Saturday morning) - Fridays are always the best day of the week, so usually that's enough to make it wonderful. However, this upcoming Friday gets bonus points. Why??? Well I might be going to a musical with Casey...maybe. Perhaps. For free. So that's always nice. AND Eugene Hutz is DJing at the Bulgarian Bar, which I will definitely be attending - it is bound to be epic, as always. I can't wait! It's the perfect way to end the work week and begin a weekend.

Things look good for the rest of the week. I'm enjoying it while I can. Weeks like this don't come around all the time...although, in the city, they come around a lot more often than not.

2008 Awards

2009-01-10T18:46:00.003-05:00

I found this somewhere...and then stole the format. That's how I roll.

MY 2008 AWARDS GO TO:

DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR: Chris Jones, of course.

LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend): The wonderful John Deniston. I heart him lots!

NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND: Errrr...this is a tough one. I'm going to go with Casey - my gay boyfriend.

FRIEND WHO CAME BACK INTO YOUR LIFE: The entire Skillington family. I'm so happy we are in touch again!

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR: Being offered a real job in NYC at a theatre company! If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere!

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR: The first week post-graduation - no direction and no clue what to do. Sucked hard.

BEST HOLIDAY: Christmas. Especially when my brother walked through the door on Christmas Eve. The whole fam was together!

YOUR SONG FOR 2008: Wonderlust King...or any Gogol song, really.

MOVIE FOR 2008: This is a tough one...I'm gonna go with The Dark Knight.

WHO WAS YOUR BEST KISS: Well, I only kissed one person all year....so that would be Chris.

BIGGEST CRUSH: Johnny Depp. Has been since I was seven...always will be.

WHO WAS YOUR VALENTINE: Chris. Duh.

WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN: Postmortem Marion Crane (Psycho)

RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR: The Pizza Shop. (Best. Pizza. Ever.)

BOOK OF THE YEAR: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I read it in a week...couldn't put it down.

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR: To move to New York City...with the love of my life.

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR (which is now THIS year): Get a bigger apartment, actually make some money, take advantage of still being young and continue living a wonderful life in the Big Apple.

MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK: To continue drinking even more. BAD idea.

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Office

MOST LOYAL FRIEND OF 2008: Chris. He's been there for me through EVERYTHING.

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR: Moving to New York City and in with my boyfriend.

BIGGEST TOOL AWARD: There are lots of them out there...but I'm going to go with Pete Wentz. Ick.

MOST WORN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING:black and white checkered Rocketdogs

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION: Read and write more, Not stress out so much, Take more advantage of living in New York, Travel more (even if it is just on the east coast)

MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF 2008: There are so many! Student teaching, seeing my first Gogol show in Denver, finally finding an apartment in the city, Amanda's wedding, meeting Eugene Hutz and John Leguizamo, seeing tons of theatre for free, Bulgarian Bar and New Year's Eve with Pat and D, exploring the city with the best boyfriend in the world, flying home for Christmas...it's been a very memorable and wonderful year.

I can't wait to see what 2009 will bring...

Home and Back, Jiggity-Jig

2008-12-29T11:29:00.002-05:00

Christmas is over, yet again.

This is the first time I have flown home solely for Christmas - a sign of growing up, I suppose. It was lovely to go home, even if it was for a short week and my body did not respond well to the altitude. I got to see friends, family, and even my brother, who showed up as a Christmas Eve surprise! It all went so fast though. There are many more faces I would have liked to see and things I would have liked to do. I guess that means a return trip is in order...if I ever find the a) time and b) money.

It is nice coming back knowing that I will have old friends in the city come tomorrow morning! It keeps my mind occupied. There's no better way to ring in a New Year than with familiar faces. Pat and D are coming to visit! Yay! I'm expecting to get very little sleep and crossing my fingers that Pat makes drunken spaghetti like he did last New Years :) It should be a good time - despite four people staying in my 300 sq. foot apartment. We will all get to know each other VERY well.

But before the boys show up on the red eye, I get to go to another Gogol Bordello concert...third time's a charm. This one REALLY appeals to me because both the show and the after party are in my neighborhood, we know exactly how to get where we are going, and it is FREE!!!!!!! (Thanks to Chris' record label connections). Sounds like the combination for a great night - as long as we don't imbibe too many Astika's.

Kristi's 10 Top 10

2008-12-02T13:12:00.008-05:00

A couple weekends ago – while I was laid up, trying to get over this stupid cold I’ve had for a a while now – Chris and I watched AFI’s 10 top 10 on AMC. The American Film Institute came up with, what they believed to be, the top 10 movies in 10 different genres: Animated, Sci-Fi, Sports, Gangster, Western, Epic, Romantic Comedy, Mystery, Fantasy and Courtroom Drama. Now I agreed with some of their choices, but others seemed completely off – even some of their genre choices were a bit strange. Where were the comedies or horror flicks? And they named Fantasia and Bambi as a couple of the best animated films…but not the Little Mermaid??? And Clockwork Orange was called Sci-Fi? I don’t know – I think AFI was a little off their cinematic rocker.

Therefore, I will now present to you Kristi’s 10 top 10. MY genres. MY choices.

Animated (I’ll keep this one - and I'm not counting stop motion animation features)
10. Alice in Wonderland
9. Monsters, Inc.
8. Hercules
7. Cinderella
6. The Chipmunk Adventure
5. Toy Story
4. Sleeping Beauty
3. The Little Mermaid
2. An American Tale
1. Beauty and the Beast

Romantic Comedies (I liked this one too...it appeals to the sappy chick in me)
10. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
9. Sleepless in Seattle
8. The Wedding Singer
7. Clueless
6. You've Got Mail
5. My Best Friend's Wedding
4. French Kiss
3. Bridget Jones' Diary
2. Love, Actually
1. When Harry Met Sally

What the...?!?! Movies (these ones totally mess with your mind..and I like them)
10. Mulholland Drive
9. The Acid House
8. Funny Games
7. Fight Club
6. Stay
5. Requiem for a Dream
4. The Machinist
3. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
2. Trainspotting
1. Clockwork Orange

Musicals ('cause everyone needs a little song and dance in their lives)
10. Rent
9. Rocky Horror Picture Show
8. West Side Story
7. An American in Paris
6. The Sound of Music
5. Cabaret
4. Chicago
3. Once
2. Newsies
1. Singing in the Rain

Holiday Movies ('Tis the season to watch movies...fa la la la la la la la la)
10. A Miracle on 34th Street
9. Home Alone
8. Love, Actually
7. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
6. A Christmas Story
5. The Nightmare Before Christmas
4. Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown & The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (They are both only half an hour long, so I count them as one)
3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
2. Muppet Christmas Carol
1. It's a Wonderful Life

Historical...kind of (These are way better than reading a textbook, despite possible inaccuracies)
10. The Gladiator
9. Anastasia
8. Braveheart
7. History of the World, Part I
6. Glory
5. Platoon
4. Titanic
3.Shakespeare in Love
2. Gone With the Wind
1. The Pianist

LOL Movies (Movies that make ME laugh out loud...sometimes I even find myself ROTFL)
10. Meet the Parents
9. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
8. Annie Hall
7. The Producers
6. Vacation
5. Hot Fuzz
4. This is Spinal Tap
3. The Jerk
2. Young Frankenstein
1. Shaun of the Dead

Serial Killer Movies (I love a good serial killer flick)
10. Summer of Sam
9. From Hell
8. Helter Skelter (remake)
7. Sleepy Hollow
6. Zodiac
5. American Psycho
4. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
3. Silence of the Lambs
2. Se7en
1. Psycho

Tim Burton Movies (I'm including any film he was involved in - not just as a director.)
10. Vincent
9. Pee Wee's Big Adventure
8. Beetle Juice
7. Batman
6. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
5. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
4. Big Fish
3. The Nightmare Before Christmas
2. Ed Wood
1. Edward Scissorhands

and last....but definitely not least:

Johnny Depp Movies (He needs his own category...in my opinion.)
10. Donnie Brasco
9. Blow
8. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
7. Benny and Joon
6. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
5. Pirates of the Caribbean
4. Finding Neverland
3. Ed Wood
2. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
1. Edward Scissorhands

Since I Don't Feel Like Writing...

2008-11-23T15:08:00.002-05:00

here is a mindless entry...some of these answers are quite interesting...

1. Put your iTunes/MP3 library on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Giving It Away by Mae

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Too Good To Be by New Found Glory

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Bring It(Snakes on a Plane) by Cobra Starship

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Dizzy Miss Lizzie by The Beatles

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE
Keith Avenue 9PM by Sunshine

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
You Make My Dreams by Melee

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
There Cannot Be a Close Second by Copeland

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Golden Years by David Bowie

WHAT IS 2+2?
The Rock Show by Blink-182

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Queen of Apology by The Sounds

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Pop-Punk is Sooooo '05 by Cobra Starship

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Flying by the Secret Machines

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Out Tonight from RENT

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Driven by You by Queen

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Wrapped Around Your Finger by The Police

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Ghost By Your Side by Lovedrug

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Last Call by Mae

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Falling in Love(Is Hard on the Knees) by Aerosmith

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Reasons by Bush

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Jaded by Aerosmith

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Pull the Trigger by Sunshine

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Easy Target by Blink-182

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Add It Up by the Violent Femmes

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Walking on the Moon by The Police

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Love is a Fast Song by Copeland

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Through the Roof 'n' Underground by Gogol Bordello

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Dancing by Lovedrug

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The Best Deceptions by Dashboard Confessional

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Alcohol by Gogol Bordello

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Your Country by Gogol Bordello

This Choice is Easy (pause, pause, pause)....NOT!!!

2008-11-17T16:17:00.001-05:00

Do you watch the Amazing Race? I do. I love it. I don’t really know why though, because I really could care less about who wins. I kind of can’t stand all of the teams. They annoy me for a laundry list of reasons. Anyways – if you watched the show last night, the teams went to Kazakhstan. When each team found out were they were going, all of them responded with recognition of the country via Borat. Well at least, thanks to Mr. Sasha Baron Cohen, these Americans know this place is a country. Without his creation of Borat, I doubt they would have even heard of the place.

This blog isn’t about the Amazing Race, so I should probably stop talking about it. I bring it up because I found it VERY strange, almost somewhat fortuitous, that they would be going to the very country…even the very CITY (Almaty)…where a Christian school would like me to come and teach theatre in the 09-10 school year.

I have been in touch with this school since April or so, when I was completely baffled about where my life was heading, and now, seven months down the line I am living in New York, making my way up in the theatre world, having a great time with new friends in the city, and defining my life and career goals. I am completely flattered that this school wants me. I would love nothing more than to share my passion for theatre and love of God across the world, but is now the time? This position is on a volunteer basis…so, it’s a non-paying gig. I would have to get funding from churches/other sponsors, which seems impossible in this economic climate. However, if this is what God is calling me to do, than this is what I must do – despite the hard work and sacrifices; although, he may want me to stay in New York. Perhaps this is where I am supposed to be.

I want to go around the world and teach. I do. I just don’t know if this is the time or place. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I seek where God’s path is leading me.

One Moment in Time

2008-11-11T17:00:00.002-05:00

Do you ever find yourself doing a normal, mundane task and the most random thought or memory pops up in your head out of nowhere? Out of complete left field. I kind of love those moments. They’re like little surprises from the past. It’s probably a strange memory failure or some other sort of brain malfunction that triggers these flashes, but that doesn’t make them any less amusing.

Today I was walking down the street, and I had this vivid recollection of walking along the Dublin sidewalk into the City Center from Drumcondra with Danny. Danny was Lindsey’s Australian cousin. (Lindsey was studying abroad from California and quickly became one of my best friends in Ireland.) He came to visit Lindsey/travel around Ireland/hook up with some girls. He did all of that…and then some. I guess he ended up being around, in and out of our dorm, for about a month or so. I loved Danny being around. He looked like Gavin Rosdale, had an awesome accent, and was tons of fun. Without him we would have never gone to the "Red Pub" in the Temple Bar area…and that place was pretty insane.

ANYWAYS….my memory was of us walking to the City Center with a bunch of the other Erasmus kids. Danny was walking a bit ahead of me and I heard him humming. It was a familiar tune, but I couldn’t quite place it. Then – it hit me. "Danny, are you humming the TOP GUN theme song?" "Yes. How did you know that???"…and thus began mine and Danny’s rendition of "Take My Breathe Away", "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" and "Highway to the Danger Zone" as we strolled to O’Connell Street. We even played an invisible volleyball game to complete the charade.

That’s the completely off the wall thought that popped into my head as I headed back into work with my boss’ lunch today. And although I do love it in the city, and my life and career on the up and up…for those few seconds, I wished I was the Iceman to Danny’s Maverick yet again, heading into the heart of Dublin.

With a Name Like Smuckers it's Gotta Be...Uninspiring

2008-11-10T14:00:00.001-05:00

Last week I was getting ready for another day of work, the TODAY show droning in the background. As I was straightening my hair, I heard a Smuckers commercial come on – so I’m assuming it was right after Willard Scott had done or said something completely ridiculous that I would be seeing on The Soup later that week. I’ve heard this particular commercial before, but for some reason it struck a chord. It’s the one where the little kid is like "I wonder what I’m going to be when I grow up!" and his friend is like, "Well, with a name like Smuckers, you know you’ll be making quality jam!" Or something to that effect. Yes, I’m sure this seven year old was like "SCORE! I’ve always wanted a career in preserves, jams and jellies! Let’s not forget the marmalade! Screw that astronaut crap!" This commercial is promoting settling for mediocrity and tradition, while smashing dreams of a poor little kid.

I don’t really know who’s idea it was to make this commercial…because it doesn’t make me want to a) buy Smuckers any more desperately or b) work for this company. It just makes me think "Wow. Poor kid." And "I’m so glad my friends and family aren’t like that." For example, my mom, dad and brother all have been/are involved in the airplane world. My dad was in the Air Force and now flies commercially, my brother is still in the Air Force hoping to fly commercially, and my mom was a flight attendant and even took pilot lessons back in her day. Then there’s me: the girl pursuing theatre in New York. I can’t imagine being in second grade, chatting it up with my friends about what I want to be when all grown up, and someone saying "Well, you’re a Taylor. Guess you’ll be in the airline industry." Instead I have been supported on all sides to follow my own dreams, pursue my passions and most importantly, be myself.

I guess, to sum up, I’m really happy that I have always been encouraged to embrace my individualism, no matter how crazy my ideas or pursuits are. I’ve always had a great group of people backing me up and loving me, even if I fall...instead of telling me to just shut up and make some jam.

This Our Town of Halloween

2008-10-27T17:03:00.011-04:00

I love Halloween. It’s such a fabulous holiday. I think it might be my favorite. Maybe. It’s in a close race with Christmas. I guess I would have to say they tie for first, just because they are so vastly different from one another. Maybe this explains why The Nightmare Before Christmas is one of my favorite movies…AND one of the most genius movies of all time…you can watch it at BOTH Halloween and Christmas. It’s like the perfect movie. Here are my reasons for adoring Halloween –the holiday that has survived for sooooo many years and has been celebrated and viewed in a plethora of ways.

No presents. This is probably my biggest beef with Christmas: the gifts and commercialization. I mean of COURSE Halloween is a commercial holiday, but not nearly to the same extent. Yes, candy and costumes are a big part of Halloween, but not jewelry and iPods and pets and cars and robots and digital cameras and computers and toy dolls that pee and….you get the point. Give me my fun size Snickers and a pumpkin shaped Reese’s.

Costumes. Who doesn’t secretly long to be someone else every now and then? Well, Halloween is that day that you can be WHATEVER you want to be and nobody will look at you like you’re a freak. You can even walk down the street covered in "blood" wielding a (fake) butcher’s knife and no one will stop to stare or run away. You can don ridiculous amounts of make-up, a rainbow colored Mohawk and a jumpsuit Ziggy Stardust would think twice about wearing and fit right into the crowd. Love it. PLUS you might even win some money, free booze or just a moment in the spotlight!!! ‘Cause costume contests rock.

Events. There are so many festivities surrounding Halloween and a wide variety to please everyone: Screaming your lungs out while traversing through a haunted house or inflating your lungs while holding your breath to bob for apples. Giggling while trying to find your way through the harmless corn maze or panting as you run away from a chainsaw wielding maniac in the haunted corn maze. Taking halloween themed shots with a bunch of costumed strangers in a bar or gawking at a bunch of costumed strangers in a Halloween parade. Attending the church's "Harvest Party" or the local coven's Samhain celebration. Carving a smiling Jack-o-Lantern or watching a more heinous kind of carving in one of the many slasher horror flicks. The list of activities goes on and on and on and on...seriously. Check Wikipedia. Michael Scott would.

Candy. When else can you truly justify to yourself eating a mound-ful of candy all at once…or so much of that strange peanut butter candy/taffy stuff that comes in the orange and black wrappers, that you NEVER see at any other time except for Halloween and would NEVER eat except for that is free and sitting right in front of your candy corn stuffed face. Where do people buy that crap anyways???? …oh, well. It wouldn’t be Halloween without it.

Movies. Watching scary/thriller movies around Halloween is so much fun. I love those kind of movies, so an actual REASON to watch 10 of them in a row is pretty awesome. I’m also a big fan, because it’s an excuse to watch 7 Johnny Depp films and multiple Tim Burton creations back to back. And that’s ALWAYS a wonderful thing.

The Macabre. I have a strange obsession with macabre things: Poe, Tim Burton(as aforementioned), serial killers, the hunt for the supernatural, old graveyards. So it makes sense why I find Halloween so appealing. I’m weird. And Halloween is definitely a great holiday for the weridos with a dark side.

The Fun. Yes, I have a fascination with some dark things, but more than that, I like to have a good time, with my friends, smiling, laughing….blah, blah, blah. Throw in all your friends in crazy garb with an extreme sugar high, and we are talking about a fantastically fun time. Halloween is tons of fun, with VERY little stress. The most stress comes from putting a costume together. But there’s no turkey to cook or pies to make, no wrapping of presents or traveling across the country, no housing relatives or sending cards bragging about your kids to people you talk to once every five years. It’s simple fun….for ALL ages.

Falling for Fall

2008-10-20T15:37:00.003-04:00

I’m so glad that I live in the city right now. Autumn has always been my favorite season, but I love it even more now! New York is the best place to experience Fall. It’s perfect. There’s a tiny chill in the air, but the sun still shines through. The trees lining the blocks are changing color and the leaves that have fallen paint the sidewalks. I’ve dug out my hats and scarves – but more as a fashion statement than a necessity. The window displays full of pumpkins make me smile. Life is good.

I think I’m also just in a better mood, since life is beginning to settle down a bit – slowly but surely. I’m getting more into the swing of things at my new job. I know that I can make rent every month now (even though I can’t do much else other than that). I know my way around. I’ve been home for a visit. I have my routines and a loving boyfriend. Now all I need to do is get a frame for that piece of art that’s been sitting in a cardboard tube for months, hang it up and I will finally be completely moved in.

I can’t believe there are only two weeks left in October! Time is flying by. I’ve been in the city now for over 4 ½ months now. I was in Ireland for 3 months, and that seemed WAY longer than my time here…maybe that’s because I wasn’t working everyday and had next to no responsibilities. There is one thing in common between that experience and now: I won’t be going home for Thanksgiving. Although I doubt recreating Thanksgiving dinner in New York will be anything like the fiasco it was in Dublin. But, it is my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. Perhaps I’ll give tofurky a go!

The quick trip to Colorado was good. It was lovely to see family and friends, despite the time constraint. I’m crossing my fingers that I find a way to go home for the Holidays…because what is Christmas without family?

Since my return to NYC, I have:
walked behind Jeff Golblum on the street…
attended my first Broadway show opening party…
had pizza twice – ‘cause it’s the best pizza in the world…
loved this weather…
done yoga…
made pumpkin chocolate chip bread…
started watching scary movies…
seen an off-Broadway show (for free!)…
received my tickets for the Copeland/Lovedrug show at the Bowery Ballroom next week! Can't wait!!!
decided what my Halloween costume is going to be…

…now I just need to find some time to go to Central Park and watch the leaves fall. Then life will be complete.

I'm Leaving on Jet Plane

2008-10-09T15:27:00.001-04:00

I do know when I’ll be back again: Monday around 2:30pm EST.

My whirlwind trip to Colorado begins tomorrow. Some of you may be wondering: "Wait. You’re coming back and didn’t tell me???" Yeah. That’s because it’s going to be a quick and sleepless homecoming. I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding which means: I’m fully booked. No penciling-in shall be had. If you want to see me, you’re going to have to find me…and follow me around…and perhaps expect me to not have time to chat. Just think of me as Angelina and you as the paparazzi. Something to that effect.

I’m leaving NYC tomorrow at 6pm, getting into CO around 11pm (Thanks to a little layover in Minnesota. Joyous day.). Up bright and early on Saturday for bridal events all day…and probably into the wee hours of the morning on Sunday. Sunday is the big day which means the big LONG day. Then I get to leave at 6:40am on Monday and head back to the Big Apple…with yet another layover in Minnesota along the way. Thinking about this weekend makes me so tired.

However, despite the lack of sleep I am going to encounter, I am excited. It’s going to be great to see my family and some friends (including my brother who I RARELY get to see more than once a year). I haven’t seen anyone besides my dad since I moved. I just wish I could stay for a day or two longer…maybe squeeze in a few more meet and greets. After all, I moved to the city at such short notice, I really didn’t get to say goodbye to many people, so it would be nice to say hello…and then a more meaningful goodbye. Alas, it’s just not in the cards this time around.

I’ve never been a bridesmaid before. It’s all very new to me. Of COURSE it happens right as I move away. Irony. I guess I just don’t keep company with the marrying type…which would answer the question of whether or not I keep in touch with anyone from high school, since 95% of them are married. I do keep in touch with two of them, however, but they’re both NOT married. I guess I really only have one close friend who is married, but she eloped, so I was counted out for a bridesmaid position. I have never really yearned to be in a wedding though. I mean I’m happy to do it for my friend and be there to support her on her wedding day. It’s just not something I’ve been looking forward to my whole life. A wedding in general is not something I’ve looked forward to fro some time now. If I decide to get married, I’m going to elope. I’d much rather save all of that money and just have a big party that’s lots of fun for everyone, rather than do something formal and fancy to inflate and exalt my own ego. I want to celebrate…and NOT put my parents into debt (any further than I already have). To each his own I suppose. Perhaps these poor economic times have just made me cynical, which is very likely. A strict diet of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pasta and water will do that to a person over time.

Ok, I’ll stop looking at things so glass half empty. This weekend will be lots of fun. I’m ready….kind of. I still haven’t packed, but AFTER that, I will be ready to go – with a smile on my face.

Oxygen deprivation and altitude sickness, here I come…

Climbing the Career Ladder

2008-09-30T17:11:00.002-04:00

...step by step.

My casting internship came to an end on the 19th of September. It was a sad, sad day. I love that place. So, for the past week I have been floating in an employment limbo - spending my days on Craig's List, Playbill and Entertainment Careers trying to find a job. The first Monday that rolled around, post internship, I already felt like a complete waste of a human being. I hate not having a purpose.

Well, thankfully, my time away from the entertainment world was short lived. You are now reading the blog of the Artistic Director's Office Intern at Manhattan Theatre Club. Ooh. Ahh.

Yes, another internship. But, this one pays a bit more than the last one. Plus, I'm learning that internships are really the only way you get into this business...unfortunately. I'm having to pay my dues now, instead of during college/summers like those who do their undergraduate work in the city. Oh well. It's worth it. At least I think so. I'd rather be poor and working 60 hours a week to make ends meet and know that I tried my hardest to achieve my dreams and career goals, then just settle for the easy way out. I may completely crash and burn...but at least I will NEVER have to wonder "What if I would have moved to New York...?" And now, I'm on my way. It's all very exciting...because it's really happening. Slowly but surely.

In other news: I'm sooooo tired. I haven't been able to sleep lately. I can barely keep my eyes open. I feel so out of it. It's affecting my focus. My yoga poses have been completely off balance lately. I believe the culprit of my restless nights is STRESS. I'm hoping that once I get into the swing of things at this new job, that the stress will lessen a bit. That would be nice. It feels like ever since I moved here, I've been super stressed about one thing or another: starting the casting internship, trying to find an apartment, moving in, trying to find a part-time job, new restaurant job, internship coming to an end, quitting the restaurant job, finding a new job, interviews, cockroaches, upcoming trip to Colorado...the fun never ends.

Last night I slept a LITTLE better. I had a dream that Johnny Depp came to a retail store I was working at, but I didn't want to seem all "fan-ish" so I remained professional and treated him like any other customer. He bought a bunch of Sweeney Todd shirts...which was super weird. Then he left. I felt so let down about not meeting him, so I ran out of the store calling his name...and he was gone. QUITE depressing. I hope it wasn't a premonition of some sort.

Alright. That's it for now. I'm going to do some Wii Fit now...and stay off the streets since I hear Britney's in town. Ugh. Lucky us.

Late Night Train

2008-09-18T14:41:00.003-04:00

I just quit a job. One reason (of many) I quit was because it had me taking the late night train home whenever I would close. A) That's not very safe at all and B) "Late night trains" means "super slow trains" that show up once every half hour. I got off at 11:30pm and didn't get home until 1am. And that was with me getting off early. Ridiculous. BUT even more ridiculous was the conversation I heard on the train. It was a man talking about this great entrepreneurial venture he was setting out on: the development of a new card game. He seemed to be discussing this with a stranger...who I really think could care less.

Here are some highlights of the conversation:

"Well, there's three of us right now. The inventor...that's me. And there's my two buddies, who are on the business side of things. We have the manufacturing guy. And an artist doing all the artwork." (hmmm...three, huh?)

"Well we're going to take it to card tournaments and conventions. Stuff like that. They're all over the country." "Oh, you mean like those big poker tournaments?" "No. More like Spades tournaments."

"Well, you got your Whale, that's like a king, you know?" "So an Ace, is like a Shark?" "No, no, no. The Ace is an anchor. There aren't any Sharks in the game."

"We have mermaids. Of course. And Seekers too. You know what a seeker is, right?"

"Yeah, this is a pretty big, legit business thing."

Some of My Pet Peeves

2008-09-05T16:43:00.001-04:00

...in case you were wondering...

1) Food noises. Anyone who really knows me knows how much I HATE food noises. Smacking. Crunching. Slurping. Squishing. Popping. It is all bad. I can’t stand food noises. It’s a big deal. I also learned, thanks to Dr. Phil, that I’m not the only one who has this pet peeve. There are others just like me. He said it’s a manifestation of stress…or some crap like that. So, if you have a dinner date with me in the near future, you’ve been warned.

2) “That’s so gay”. People who say this might as well walk around with a label on their forehead saying “I’m so ignorant.” First of all, it makes no sense. Those who stoop to using this phrase usually mean it to say “that’s so stupid.” Well, in the traditional sense of the word, they would be saying “that’s so happy” – the opposite of what they are intending. If used as in “homosexual”, that also makes no sense, but is also completely uninformed and impolite. Might as well say “that’s so hetero”, makes as much sense. Drives me crazy! I have decided that whenever someone uses this phrase, I will use it right back, except replace “gay” with their name. Welcome to the 21^st century - get a new phrase…before I go medieval on you.

3) Misplaced or misused quotation marks. Sadly, it happens more than you’d think. Very “irritating”. ;)

4) Bluetooth headsets. Really? Holding your cell phone is too hard for you? What has this world come to??? I really hate these because, most of the time, I don’t know if said person with the Bluetooth headset is talking to me or on their phone. Very annoying. Also, they just seem to be talking very loudly to themselves…which is almost as obnoxious.

5) Pointing. I don’t like it when people physically point at things to, well…point them out. I think it stems from my own insecurity. I’m afraid people will think that THEY are being pointed out, even if someone is pointing at a sign or a building. I just figure everyone’s self esteem is as crappy as my own. Copeland sums it up in these lyrics:
I don’t know what everyone was looking at
I don’t care what everyone was laughing at
I don’t know what everyone was staring at
I think, I think that it’s me

6) Slow walkers. I’m only 5’ 3’’…so if you’re taller than me, I expect you to walk just as fast or faster than me and NOT get in my way…provided you are ailment free. People who walk slow ruin my walking life. I like to get where I’m going, and if anyone slows me down, I shant be too happy. Yeah, I said “shant”...now keep moving!

7) Lack of Movie Watching Etiquette. This pet peeve is one of my biggest…probably right after food noises and “that’s so gay”. Why…WHY pay 12 dollars (yes, those are NYC prices) to go see a movie that you are going to talk and text ALL the way through?!?!?! I also have a knack…or maybe it’s God’s way of testing my patience…of sitting next to the loudest, most obnoxious people. It’s infuriating! Last time I went to the movies, Chris and I had a certain movie-goer who yelled “Obama!” every time an African American appeared on the screen. Classy.

Serial Killers & Naked Chicks

2008-08-28T17:12:00.002-04:00

Yes. That is what this blog entry really is about. So – here we go:

Serial Killers – I was wandering about a Barnes and Noble a couple weeks ago to waste some time while I waited to meet Chris for our trip to MoMA. As I meandered about the three floors, I kept returning to the discounted/bargain books, because, well, they’re the only ones I can afford at this present time. I kept picking up the various books about serial killers, since I have a strange fascination with learning about them. In fact, I already own quite a few serial killer books. As I skimmed through the ones on the bargain shelf, I started to think about the ones I already owned, which formerly used to sit on the coffee in my house when I was in college. They were too big to go on the bookcase, and they were hardcovers, so why not? In fact, all of the serial killer books on the bargain racks are big and hardcovers too. Come to think of it, all of the serial killer books I own were purchased from the discount section at bookstores. Then it hit me: Of course the big, bulky, hardcover serial killer books, emblazoned with red eyes and chilling black and white photos are on sale. Who wants to bring that up to the cashier and pay full price for it? You are automatically labeled a psycho. So, said books just set on the shelf, for fear of pegging an innocent book store customer as a homicidal lunatic. Then, these evil books get placed on sale, where people are still embarrassed to buy them. I know I always feel odd when I bring these books up to the sales associate behind the counter. I can feel the burning of their judging eyes as they ring up my bloodthirsty book. Although, that hasn’t stopped me yet… But I have learned a new lesson regarding serial killer books: The bigger and gorier it is on the outside, the bigger the discount in a few months.

Naked Chicks – Across the street from my place of internship is a “gentleman’s club”. After all, this is New York, and I pretty much work in Times Square…which we all know what Time Square USED to be famous for before Disney moved in. Anyways, I was running an errand and had to walk right by said business. Outside was a sign advertising a noon to 4pm Happy Hour. This got me to thinking…who would want to go to a strip club in the middle of the work day? And does this happy hour really change someone’s mind about going in there or not? “Well, I was just going to run to Subway for lunch, trying to stay on my new diet and all, but since this place is having happy hour now…and I have half an hour to kill…why not?!?” I’m quite baffled by this. When I think “strip club” and “noon to 4pm” I don’t think “nice lunch spot” or “great for business meetings” or “awesome drink deals”…I still think what I always think about strip clubs, except with even more conviction: “creepy, sleazy, disgusting”.

Kindness Comes in Threes

2008-08-22T13:22:00.001-04:00

Even in the midst of this teetering economy, war battered nations, an uncertain future and China winning the Gold medal race, there still is some good in this world…at least in my world. Three men in the past three days have shown me the face of true kindness, a welcomed sight in this day and age.

A FATHER – There are a handful of people who have the wonderful opportunity of having a pilot for a father. I am in that handful. A layover in Philadelphia happened to be part of his trip this time around, and instead of relaxing, sleeping, taking it easy before heading out, he hopped on a train and came to the city to see me! How nice and selfless is that?!?! And, due to work, I couldn’t spend much time with him – just lunch and dinner, essentially – and yet, he still came all the way out here and went back to Phillie in the morning. He’s the best dad ever. Hands down. No competition.

A LOVE – Chris and I celebrated our two year anniversary yesterday…even though it doesn’t seem like two years have passed whatsoever. Everything still feels so right and healthy…something very new for me. In fact, I’m happier and more in love than I was two years ago…one year ago…one month ago. Anyone who’s willing to move out to New York City, live in a 300 sq. foot apartment and be poor with me deserves a medal…not to mention putting up with my high maintenance behavior. Due to our poverty, we set a thirty dollar limit on gifts – trying to be smart and responsible and all that crap - and we stuck to our limits. I think that’s a first. Chris got me an official Playbill frame and framed the RENT playbill from when we first came out to New York together – our first trip as a couple. And now, that same city is our first home together. It was so thoughtful and made me cry, but that was just the first present…as I segue into guy number three…

A MUSICIAN – Aaron Marsh to be exact. Aaron Marsh is the lead singer, guitarist and keyboardist of one of my favorite bands, Copeland. I’ve been a Copeland fan since freshman year of college and have attended more Copeland concerts than any other band – five, I believe. They’re songs have been my strength during many dark times and an inspiration to my faith and life. They have probably, out of all of the bands I love, had the most profound impact on me. On top of all of that, they are great guys – especially Aaron. Every concert I’ve gone to, he makes himself available for fans to talk to – about anything, really. I’ve spoken to him a few times and he has been nothing but gracious. Okay – enough exposition. Chris, apparently being dumbfounded about what else to get me for my anniversary this year, decided to just take a shot at something and see what happened. He messaged Copeland on MySpace, asking if perhaps, maybe, potentially they could come up with a “Love Affair” memento (a song by Copeland that got Chris and I through some crappy times while I was in Ireland). Expecting nothing in response, Chris was elated and more than shocked when Aaron himself messaged him back, saying, more or less, he would gladly send hand written lyrics of the song. Who does that these days?!?! I was so surprised by his kindness…and yet not. I don’t know, semi-strangers don’t usually do stuff like that anymore – especially based on a MySpace message.

I don’t know…these guys give me hope in a world without it… and peace…and love. Hmmmm…sounds familiar….

I'm Safer on An Airplane by Copeland

it happened then, it happens now
they let you in, they let you down
and its feels like, we cant get out
and it feels like, hell...

i think im safer in an airplane,
i think im safer with my lungs full of smoke
i think im safer on the jet way,
than a world without hope

the day came in, the day went out
and not a bit of peace was spoken about
and it feels like, a suicidal world
and it feels like, hell...

i think im safer in an airplane,
i think im safer if i run through the streets
i think im safer on the jetway,
than a world without peace

oh, my arms will stretch out when they've had enough
oh, when they're tired of holding up us

i think im safer on an airplane,
i think im safer in the sky up above,
i think on safer on the jetway,
than a world without..

i think im safer on an airplane,
i think im safer in the sky up above
i think on safer on the jetway,
than a world without love.

Their new album comes out October 14^th. Be nice back and buy it.
ALSO check out the genius marketing of Copeland…
www.citizensfourourbetterment.com
http://abso1utepunk.net

Welcomed Distractions

2008-08-18T12:08:00.003-04:00

I started off being REALLY excited about the Olympics. I even watched the majority of the opening ceremonies and everything. But now, I’m kind of over it. So instead of spending my weekend entranced by the swimming and diving and tumbling…I decided to get out of my apartment and enjoy life in NYC. People who live in the city and don’t take advantage of it drive me crazy! Although, I’m sure people thought that about me when I lived in Colorado, because I didn’t visit a mountain town every weekend. And I will admit, I have spent a few weekends in my shoebox of an apartment if for no other reason then to stay out of the awful summer heat. However, this weekend allowed me to realize how amazingly awesome my neighborhood and living in New York really is.

Chris and I have already taken up a tradition of Friday night pizza. Although I really think I could have pizza every night here. A) There are like 46 pizza options in our neighborhood alone – none of which are Domino’s or Papa John’s. B) New York pizza, hands down, is the best pizza ever. I am officially addicted. So I ate my pizza Friday night – from Sal’s – while doing some homework for work…watching Gossip Girl. Okay, I’ve seen all the episodes and actually love Gossip Girl. But I use work as an excuse ;) And it’s filmed here, so at its core, I’m just supporting a local show.

Living in New York appeals to the movie maniac in me. First off, New York is one of the most filmed cities in the world (Central Park being THE most filmed location). It is quite lovely living on an island of past, present and future movie sets. In fact, a pilot for HBO is filming this week RIGHT on my street. It’s set in the early 70s, so they have painted a very “groovy” mural on the block and pasted up tons of band posters from back in the day. Quite retro. They might even be using OUR fire escape! And paying us for it! How awesome is that?!?! Starting tomorrow I will be walking through a 1970s crime scene so I can get to my door.

Along with the movie/tv filming comes actors – and I met one this past Saturday…

Mr. Malcolm McDowell (although I found out his real last name is “Taylor”…we have so much in common). Of course he does look a tad bit different than he did in his Clockwork Orange days…

He was part of a discussion event at Barnes and Noble regarding the director Lindsey Anderson. I got his autograph and listened to his amusing stories. It was quite exciting. He’s such a film icon – to me at least. Living in New York has definitely made me more confident about meeting people I have always wanted to meet. I've done VERY well in these past few months. Malcolm and Eugene have most certainly been the highlights…next on the list, Johnny Depp???

Speaking of Eugene, Chris and I spotted Gogol Bordello’s DJ (or “DJ of Tour” as Eugene referred to him) sitting on the stoop of a restaurant down the block from us, chowing down on some dinner. That’s when I knew I lived in the coolest city and neighborhood in the world. The DJ of my most favorite band was RIGHT there. Pretty awesome.

We saw said DJ on the way to a concert – two of the bands involved with the music label Chris works for were playing. I love living in a place where I can walk to the popular indie venue in town. It’s a ten minute walk away: The Bowery Ballroom. It’s fantastic to be close to so many things!

To sum up: I love living here...especially when I'm bored with the Olympics.

Electronic Growth

2008-08-08T11:24:00.003-04:00

I just cleaned up my Facebook and MySpace inboxes and deleted a bunch of “friends”. It’s quite freeing and satisfying to get rid of electronic clutter. I feel much more organized – at least as far as the social networking world goes. Going through all of those messages and people, traced various patterns in my recent years – friend patterns, activity patterns, mood patterns, relationship patterns. Four years of my life seemed compartmentalized into five pages of messages and thumbnail pictures.

Ah, I remember the days of first poking my head into the social networking scene. Things were much simpler then: you only joined MySpace to be “friends” with the indie bands you liked and only college kids could be on Facebook. There weren’t graffiti walls, bumper stickers, trivia games and sending of 2D pictures that you pay a buck for. You couldn’t add songs or videos to your page, and you had to upload pictures one by one! What a simpler time. It was definitely less cluttered.

I thought I’d take a look at my FIRST comments on MySpace and see how I have changed too.

Here are the first five (#5 to #1):

Sam G
hi kristi...thanks for answer my plagurism(i have no idea how to spell that word) questions although i think i did the assignment wrong ah well...see ya later tater!

♥ Sam

the Commodes
Thank you for being our friend and you should definitley say hi to us on Saturday.

-the Commodes

Whiskey Kiss
pirates are the new monkeys

Fragile S..
Wow we're your second comment....we feel privledged! Thank you so much.....we will be in Coloroda sometime this Spring/ Summer...we will let you know when we get our tour dates!

Miss Murphy
curious yellow rocks my world bc they added you so fast. bands that actually care about their fans....what a concept! i <3>

I don’t talk to Sam G anymore. Ah, yes…The Commodes. Good nights in Denver. I don’t even think they’re still together though. The next two bands – no idea. And Emily! Love her. And we actually still talk! SHOCKER. Well, 1 out of 5 isn’t horrible…just pretty sad. Let’s just say, things have changed. Not one of those people/groups of people are recent visitors to my MySpace page – save for Emily every now and then. My top five comments now come from a student, a dear college friend, my boyfriend, my brother and a pal from a couple years ago. No bands. No random cute boys. No classmates. No weirdos. They’re actual people I know. Important people in my life. People who have had an impact on me. My comments alone reflect my continuing maturity and the wonderful caliber of people I have chosen to surround myself with.

Never knew how much those social networking websites ACTUALLY said about you, huh? …apart from the “about me” section.

Who knows – in 1,000 years old Facebook and MySpace pages might be the cave paintings of our time…doubtful, but you never know. So make those graffiti wall posts look good.

Amen, Steve Tuttle!

2008-08-05T18:15:00.002-04:00

Because I didn't have time to blog today and I completely agree....

Thanks Newsweek!

Make. It. Stop.

The case for ending our long national nightmare.

Steve Tuttle

Newsweek Web Exclusive

Updated: 12:42 PM ET Aug 1, 2008

I like to play a game with my son, Joseph. We sit on a bench in touristy Old Town, Alexandria, Va., and we're not allowed to get up until we see a dozen pairs of Crocs. It usually doesn't take long. But the other day we were stuck at eight after a few minutes, and I was getting a little concerned. Just then my boy leaned over and said, "Don't worry, Dad. A family of dorks will come along any minute." To paraphrase Hank Hill, if he wasn't my son, I would have hugged him right then, I was so proud.

I know what you're thinking: what kind of sick father lets his impressionable young son call people dorks because of the shoes they wear? Well, who else will teach him that wearing sweaty bright purple clown shoes in public is not OK? He certainly won't learn that lesson at school. Teachers seem to be some of the biggest abusers of this horrid fad.

I know what else you're thinking: "I like Crocs … they're so comfortable. I'll tell you who the dork is … the guy writing this story, that's who! And who died and made him the fashion authority anyway?" Well, no one. I own pitted-out T shirts that are more than a quarter of a century old, and I've been known to strut around town in some pleated khaki Dockers. I own one belt. A female colleague even told me once I'd be a "perfect candidate for 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'." I think she was trying to be helpful. My complete lack of fashion sense actually supports my theory, because even I know these things are an abomination.

Yes, I'm really, really late to the Crocs-bashing party. Really late. Plenty of fashionistas have written screeds over the years. But the damn things are still here, so this is no time to stop fighting. To quote the great John Belushi: "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"

I've been following the good work of Web sites like I Hate Crocs Dot Com for some time, even going so far as to submit a photograph of a stuffed skunk spraying a pair of pink Crocs. The fantastic Best Page In The Universe posted a hilarious rant a while back joking that people who bought Crocs on Amazon.com also bought frozen corn dogs, Pabst Blue Ribbon Light and trucker balls, as well as the CD single "Hey There, Delilah" by the Plain White T's. The rant's author, Maddox, writes: "People who wear Crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are, and how it's supposedly odor resistant because it's made out of some kind of anti-bacterial foam … You know what else it's resistant to? You getting laid."

A popular YouTube video called "Dorcs" parodies the trend: "Wow, but they're so ugly," says an office worker to her friend. "That's how you know they're comfortable," he says. By the end, she's a convert: "I've given fashion the finger, and joined the Dorcs revolution!" The Crocs Empire is acutely aware of us haters. Even their own commercials make fun of the irrational and over-the-top rage their shoes instill in people like me. In one, an unshaven lunatic holds a neon blue Croc in front of his face and screams, "Why are you wearing these!" for 30 seconds. I only wish I'd known about the tryouts for this commercial.

Crocs's stock price has cratered of late, so there is hope. According to the Rocky Mountain News, the shoes, "which were once so popular that the company couldn't keep pace with demand, are now piling up in warehouses." Maybe the company's just a victim of its own success. If practically every person in the U.S. already has a pair and they're indestructible, how many more can you sell? The same thing happened to Wham-O back in the 1950s with the Hula Hoop.

But the company isn't giving up. They've been diversifying, sponsoring Olympic teams and veering off into sandals and other designs, trying to fool us. They've even gone so far as to create a high-heeled Croc. OMG, as the kids say. These have to be seen to be believed. I recommend only the strong of heart should attempt to Google "high-heeled Croc." The company Web site has this ominous warning for us: "Today, Crocs™ Shoes are available all over the world and on the internet as we continue to significantly expand all aspects of our business" (italics added). That sounds like a threat to me. They're even suing other companies like Skechers for allegedly stealing their great idea. Skechers says the lawsuit is "baseless," "outlandish," and "ridiculous." I'll tell you what's outlandish and ridiculous: that these things sell so much that another company would feel compelled to copy them, allegedly. Don't we have enough eye pollution with just the originals still out there? Don't be fooled, America! Soylent Green is CROCS!!!

If you think about it, the Crocs company should really be admired. P. T. Barnum would be proud. They've managed to separate money from the wallets of millions and millions of seemingly sane people who wake up, look in the closet, and actually decide: "Today I'll leave the house wearing these neon-green Dutch bubble shoes with Swiss-cheese holes in them. Maybe I'll even buy some little plastic strawberries or bananas and jam them in the sweat holes, just to jazz things up and make the bacteria incubate faster." That's fine. I say do whatever you want in the privacy of your own home. Let your Crocs freak flag fly. But don't make the rest of us watch.

I realize this article might not go down too well even in my own editorial office and certainly not in our ad sales department. My boss in Washington read an early draft and said it was funny, but that I had a "somewhat demented obsessiveness." At least he threw me a "somewhat." Another editor wondered aloud if I had perhaps been trampled by Crocs at some point in my life. I also worry about writing this because some of my best friends—and their sweet, innocent children—wear them. One of my dearest—the sister I never had—introduced me to the shoes years ago when she waltzed into a garden party in a pair of bright hot-pink Crocs. I couldn't stop staring at them. "What are those things?!" I whimpered nervously, hoping maybe she was rehabbing from some sort of strange Achilles mishap. "Oh, they're called Crocs … I got them for gardening," she said, so innocently.

Oh, if only we'd known what a tsunami of fashion idiocy was about to be unleashed, maybe we could have stopped it somehow, and they would have stayed in the garden where they belong, covered with manure, a trendy item to be featured on www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. If only. Then they wouldn't be out there in the American mainstream, that big, vast, sweaty mainstream traipsing through our airports and over our beaches and around our great shopping malls. Plop, plop, plop, they go, stuffing their Crocs faces with ice cream and Doritos and giant sodas. Plop, plop, plop. Stuff, stuff, stuff. Yuck, yuck, yuck. And the rest of us have to watch. I spent eight hours waiting on a flight at Dulles over the 4th of July week and I was just minutes from tackling the next group of Crocs ploppers I saw. Luckily for me—and the ploppers—my flight finally arrived and I wasn't arrested for assault. Knowing my luck, I'd have shown up in court to find 12 pairs of Crocs sitting in the jury box.

It would have probably been better for my career if I just posted this as an anonymous Craigslist rant as CrocsHatah35 or something. Plenty of others have spouted off about Crocs there. And sure, I would have had a lot more readers. But Craigslist doesn't write my paychecks, and this is just too important to ignore another day. Some times you just have to make a stand, even if it's a few years late. Do we really think we're going to stop global warming if we can't even end this fashion Chernobyl once and for all? I think the U.S. government should institute a Crocs buyback policy, like they do in the inner city for guns. It would do more to beautify this great land than Lady Bird's highway beautification program ever did.

So I'm begging you, America. Just stop. When you wake up tomorrow and look at your options, choose flip-flops. Go barefoot. Wear boots. Anything but Crocs. By next summer—if we all work together—we can have this plague of bad taste virtually eliminated. Yes! We! Can!

10 Things I Hate About Right Now

2008-08-04T13:18:00.002-04:00

1) Pigeons – Or as like to call them, the Devil’s Minions. They are everywhere…and creep me out. I’ve developed quite a fear and loathing of these creatures. I’m so afraid they’re going to peck off my toes when I walk by them or poo on my head as they fly above. I’ve heard more than one person tell of being crapped on by a pigeon. They are just so evil! They have red eyes! How can that be a good thing?!?! They are possessed by the devil, and I despise them. I’ve been reconsidering my vegetarianism just so I can eat a pigeon - ah, revenge. There’s even a place in my neighborhood that has pigeon on the menu. I’m sure the homeless people on my block know a pretty good recipe as well. Ok – I don’t plan on eating pigeon, but I don’t mind threatening it.

2) Miley Cyrus – I cannot turn on the television or walk by a newsstand without being accosted by this pint-sized bajillionaire. I think this girl might be the anti-Christ. The power she has over little girls is sickening. I don’t understand it! She’s like the next Ashlee Simpson! …except she has a tiny bit more talent, a LOT more fans, isn’t riding on a family member’s coattails (Billy Ray is no Jessica) and I think that’s her real nose…??? Still, both make me sick – Miley Cyrus just more so, because she’s actually working right now, and thus, EVERYWHERE.

3) Job Searching in NYC – I need a part time job desperately, because my internship which gives me 50 bucks a week doesn’t quite make rent. I have been applying for a job right and left! Barista, hostess, tutor, museum worker, box office…whatever I can find that doesn’t interfere with my full-time job. I’ve put in 16 applications and heard a resounding NOTHING back. Makes me want to scream….just a little.

4) Ryan Seacrest – Do I REALLY need to explain this one?

5) High School Musical – I’m going to be 50 years old and they’ll be on to High School Musical 25!: The Reunion. This thing is like the Rocky of craptastic, talentless, saccharine, teeny-bopper movie-“musicals”. Stop already.

6) Season 4 Criss Angel – My devotion is fleeting. Could it be the creepy Charles Manson beard he’s sporting at the beginning of this season? Or maybe the EXCESSIVE bling? (Does he REALLY need a diamond ring on EACH finger, 15 necklaces and 20 bracelets?) Perhaps it’s the Criss Angel logo he had branded onto his shoulder? There is NO doubt that this man is talented. He is the coolest illusionist out there…but, I think he’s a tad bit too into himself. I miss the straggly hair Criss Angel, fresh off Long Island. I wish he’d make the tool part of himself disappear.

7) Train platforms – Waiting for a train in the summer is like spending time in the bowels of Hades. I really don’t know why I even get ready in the morning, since all my make-up melts off as soon as I go below ground. Imagine a sauna. Then increase the heat by 40 degrees and throw in the rotting corpse of a hippie and THAT is my subway station on a warm summer day. You can’t wait to visit now, right?

8) “OMG” – I loathe this phrase. I suppose it has a place in the IM/Texting world, but when it’s said out loud…??? The thing I hate most about this trendy phrase is…dot, dot, dot…I use it – out loud. Ugh. I know! I blame working in an office that casts Gossip Girl for that. It’s such a bad habit, which needs to be broken.

9) It’s Monday – always the worst day of the week.

10) Doormen – This is mainly because I don’t have one in my building. Thus, when I order things that come via FedEx or UPS or any courier non-USPS (or something too big), it won’t be waiting for me when I get home. Nope. Instead, I get to hop on a train and ride to the Bronx to go pick up my package. This makes paying for shipping even more painful. Yay for inconvenience. I hate this specifically right now, because I’m expecting some awesome paintings to hang on the wall to come tomorrow…and I won’t be there. If only I had a doorman!!!

Back to Basics

2008-07-29T15:25:00.002-04:00

It's been a SLOW day at work. Again. I guess when the bosses are away...there's nothing to do. So, I have been reading through some of my old blogs, and I think I'm going to try and get back to how this started - a forum for me to talk about things on my mind, not to update the few people who read this about my life, because, well, if you read this blog, chances are you already know about what's going on in my life.

So, I will be attempting to get back to how this blog started. Now I just need some topics. I used to jot down topics in a notebook whenever they came to me - but now that I'm not a sophomore in college and instead a college graduate struggling to keep her head above water in the real world, I THINK the topics might have changed slightly. Instead of ranting about boys, I will be ranting about the obscene prices of groceries. I think I could write a months worth of blogs pertaining to the craptastic economy and its effect on me...I think I might start doing little movie reviews as well, and adding my two sense on theater too.

I just miss the days of when I first started blogging. I had something to write about every day! I couldn't write fast enough! Now I'm lucky to a) think of something interesting enough to write about b) find the time to write and c) muster up the energy to write. So wish me luck as I turn over a new/old blogging leaf.

If you ever have any topic ideas, I am more than willing to take them and run...and write.

THANKS :) ...to any of you still reading.

Kristi's NYC Tourist Tips

2008-07-14T16:05:00.005-04:00

Summer in New York City = tourist season. They are everywhere. Although, when is it NOT tourist season in this city?

I think the strangest part about living here amongst the tourists is the double decker tourist bus that goes through my neighborhood...right down 1st Ave. I guess that's what comes with living four blocks from Katz's Deli and five blocks from what used to be CBGB. But still...really?

Anyways, if YOU haven't already visited the Big Apple, you know someone who has. You have also probably heard of the New Yorker reputation or "New York hospitality". Many complain of how rude and short-tempered New Yorkers are. Truth is, New Yorkers are really nice! I'm serious. They are very helpful and kind...as long as you live here. They just aren't so nice to tourists, but I can understand that. I find myself fuming at incompetent tourists everyday - even though I was one a couple years ago. But I am going to use my new found knowledge to benefit YOU. After reading this, you will have all the tips necessary to make your NYC trip much more enjoyable.

Here is how to be the anti-NYC tourist:

1) Keep walking.
Don't stop. Ever. Keep moving at all times. It doesn't matter if you don't know where you are going - if you keep moving you at least LOOK like you do. If you MUST stop, don't do it abruptly or in the middle of the sidewalk. Veer off into a corner, a park, a store...New Yorkers have places to go and HATE it when tourists get in their way. Also, don't stop to take pictures. Move aside to a safe location, out of the way of pedestrian traffic. Or just buy the postcard.

2) Cross the street like a New Yorker:
a) Pay no attention to the blinking hand saying stop or the walk sign to walk...cross when there aren't any cars coming (it helps if you pay attention to 'one way' signs, so you know which way to look)
b) When waiting to cross DON'T stand on the sidewalk, stand on the street - that's a sure fire way to tell between the locals and the out-of-towners.

3) Have an umbrella handy.
New Yorkers know the importance of having an umbrella on hand at all times. The tourists are the ones in Duane Reed buying a crappy umbrella when an unexpected rain storm starts.

4) Plan your subway trip in advance.
Nothing screams TOURIST like an awkwardly large MTA map fully unfolded. We live in a technological age - take advantage of it. Use HopStop.com or even the MTA website to plan your subway trip from start to finish. You can print it out, or write in on a discreet piece of paper. If you want to REALLY blend in - write it in an artsy looking journal or shove your directions in a good book. No one will ever know that you don't know where you're going at all. In fact, tourists might ask YOU for directions. (Just respond with "I don't live in this neighborhood").
Another handy tool is a subway pocket map - you can purchase them at most bookstores. They fit in a wallet perfectly and only cost a couple bucks.

5) Don't "mosey" or "stroll".
This kind of goes along with #1. Yes, keep walking - and at a brisk pace. This is a fast moving city, and if you're just sauntering along, you WILL make people unhappy.

6) Subway Etiquette.
There are MANY unwritten rules of riding the train, but you have to learn them for yourself. Here are a few important ones:
- don't talk loudly on the train (especially if you have a southern accent), this annoys the locals
- don't stare at people
- let people OFF the train before getting on
- if you have to stand, stand with your weight distributed, in a fairly wide stance - this will minimize stumbling and falling
- make sure you have a seat or a grip on the pole as soon as possible - you might end up in someone's lap if you don't
- when you get out of the station, don't stop at the top of the stairs and try to find your bearings, start walking and you'll figure out soon enough where you are
- have your metrocard ready when going to the turnstiles - don't go hunting for it once you get there

7) Know what you want.
Time is not allotted for decision making in New York. When ordering ANYTHING, know what you want ahead of time or say the first thing you see on a menu. Don't think, just pick.

8) You stand "on line" not "in line".
It's like the difference between "queuing" and "standing in line". So when someone says "next on line" and you're at the front of the line, they mean YOU. It has nothing to do with the internet.

9) Reading is power.
Most of the stupid questions tourists ask is because they can't read. READ SIGNS. Usually they will answer your questions. Some examples I have overheard:
- "Is this the R train?"...how about you LOOK at the front and the side of the train with a huge "R" on it??? Idiot.
- "Is this train going uptown or downtown"...well you're standing on a platform with DOWNTOWN signs everywhere....what do YOU think?
- "Is Daniel Radcliffe going to be in that?" ...no, they just decided to throw his picture and name on a bunch of posters right outside the theater to catch everyone's attention.

10) Getting around the island.
A quick trick to knowing which way you are going: The streets on Manhattan are numbered, for the most part. If they are getting bigger as you walk, you're going Uptown. If they're getting smaller, you're going downtown.
Avenues get smaller going east. So 8th avenue is on the west side and 1st on the east.

There are more tips for sure, but those are enough to get you through the trip without completely hating the city and vowing never to return.
It's a great place. I love my new home. And now you have the tools to love it too. I hope to see you out here soon!

Quick Tidbits

2008-06-27T17:25:00.002-04:00

Seeing as I am at work right now, I can't supply the multi-media, in-depth update I really want to - so until I get the means and time to do so, here's a look at the past week of my life in the Big Apple...pictures, video, ranting & raving and details to follow:

- didn't get the apartment last friday....wanted to cry.
- went to Gogol Bordello in Brooklyn. drank good beer. stood up front. took AWESOME pics and video. sooooooo much fun!
- found the Gogol after party in the Lower East Side at a Bulgarian bar...drank...drank...MET EUGENE HUTZ (and stood right next to him while he DJed...even held his hand)!!!!!!! pretty much makes my night...and life.
- hungover most of Saturday.
- tried to look for an apartment all weekend. no such luck.
- wanted to cry some more due to lack of apartment finding.
- found out that Eugene DJs every Thursday when not on tour...I found my new fav. LES spot.
- went to work. I hate Mondays.
- no apartment...still.
- immersing myself into the world of casting. fun, fun, fun.
- guy gets stuck in an elevator in my office building - I watch the FDNY bail him out. how exciting!
- Chris finds a potential apartment in Alphabet City (in the East Village)
- we apply for said apartment, get approved
- we're signing the lease on that apartment, TONIGHT.
- in a couple short hours I will FINALLY have an NYC apartment....in my neighborhood of choice.
- celebration to occur this evening!!!!

Last friday - no apartment
This friday - apartment

What a difference a week makes...

Little Fish. Big Pond.

2008-06-20T12:45:00.003-04:00

It is definitely time for an update. Severely overdue. Especially when considering that between my last post and this one, SO MUCH has happened.

Here's a lightning round re-cap:

Interviewed in New York and tried to find an apartment. The latter being not so-successful.
Got home, looked for jobs, played a lot of Wii Fit...got a call for a 2nd interview via phone.
Reuniting with old friends: Johnny D. and The Skillingtons. So wonderful!
Phone interview..."we'll let you know by the beginning of next week."
10 minutes later - I GOT THE JOB! ...well, internship....but whatever.
Drinks at SHUGA'S! Manhattan...Long Island...some other things...it gets a bit fuzzy.
Packing. packing. packing. Booking a one-way flight.
"Moving" to NYC - still without my own apartment.
I started my job/internship at a casting agency in Midtown Manhattan - next door to the great Patti LuPone.
Still no apartment (sleeping on the floor is fun!) and 2 1/2 weeks into the world o' casting...
Saw Em on Tuesday - and her fam. It's lovely to see familiar faces in the city.

And that should update everyone up to this very moment. Life is a bit insane and in limbo right now, but it's exciting and new and fresh. And I'm so lucky to have Chris right by my side through it all.

Today is Friday! TGIF. And a big day at that. Today we (Chris and I) find out if we got an apartment we applied for. I want it so bad. I'm SO tired of trying to find an apartment, which makes me want it even more, but it's SO lovely. It's smack dab in the middle of the East Village! Everything you could want is close by. It's so artsy and comfortable. PLUS the apartment itself is gorgeous. Expensive? HECK YES. But affordable-ish...and worth it.

AND....I get to go see Gogol Bordello tonight!!!! In Brooklyn. I'm so excited! Gogol was formed in NYC, so I'm assuming it will be quite a party. It's just what I need to let off the anxiety and stress that's been building up in me...I just hope I get to let go of the stress of apartment hunting as well.

Keep fingers crossed. Toss up a prayer. Think positive thoughts.

A Bite of the Big Apple

2008-05-27T11:38:00.002-04:00

I am a college graduate. It only took five years, but here I am with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Theatre with an English minor and a concentration in Secondary Teaching. It's quite the mouthful, especially when I consider that despite how fancy that sounds I have no idea what path my life is going to take. I mean, yeah, I could teach. I think I'd be a shoe-in in most districts as a drama/English teacher. But is that what I want? To actually use the degree I've earned? Well that just sounds much to easy. Why take the wide, paved road through the sunny, grassy landscape when I could take the narrow, winding, bumpy path through the dark and foreboding woods??? That sounds much more intriguing.

Since oh September or so, I've wanted to move to NYC. I'm a big city girl. I'm a theatre major. I'm a complete film nerd. I hate paying for gas. So New York City sounds like the perfect place for me! And I do love that city, on top of everything. But the cost of living in NYC is a bit above that of Colorado...just a tad. I mean rent per month for a wee little 6-floor walk up apartment is comparable to my parents' house payments. Therefore a job would be greatly appreciated, for survival's sake. Although I could really immerse myself into the culture by living on the streets or Central Park...but I'm not really an "outdoor girl".

So I've been putting in applications right and left ever since my student teaching ended. Anything that sounded like a good way to get my foot into the entertainment door I applied for: audience page, theatrical booking agent and numerous assistant jobs. Although the sector of entertainment I have kept my eyes peeled for is casting. I applied to a few casting jobs and internships, as I really think being a casting director would be amazing! And to my shock and awe, I got an interview! For a casting internship! In New York City! That phone call was the best wake-up call ever...and certainly cured my hangover right away ;) So Chris, being the supportive boyfriend he is (with a sister in NYC so we have a place to stay), and I headed out to the Big Apple to try and figure out life post-college. (Which of course called for a shopping spree beforehand so I looked AWESOME for my interview and apartment hunting).

Stressful. That is the word I would use to describe this trip. I thought our trip out there last Spring Break was bad. But oh no. I would rather be stressing about which Broadway show to go see than how the hell to make ends meet in a city with a ridiculous cost of living. Although I became more determined to get the internship when I realized that the office was DIRECTLY across from the theatre where Phantom of the Opera is - I think it was destiny. The interview went great. I even rode up in the elevator with the owner of the casting agency - inching that foot in the proverbial door. I realized that I really do want to live in NYC. It's such a great city. The worst part of the trip was looking for a place to live. I have decided that apartment hunting in New York City should be a new Olympic event. I can't even describe it. It's a fast-paced, no thinking, extreme, full-contact, overpriced sport. And Chris and I didn't even win. That means we have to do it AGAIN. Ugh. It's so frustrating! No one wants to rent you an apartment if you don't have a job and no one wants to give you a job if you don't already live there! Stupid catch-22.

Now I am living in limbo. I keep applying for jobs in NYC, waiting for phone calls, and attempting to kinda-sorta pack up my life...just in case. Although "in case" might be closer than I think. The casting agency called today. I have a phone interview tomorrow. I'd have to be there on Monday. I may be booking a one-way ticket in the next couple of days. I'm growing up...finally.

All You Can Be

2008-04-22T00:13:00.003-04:00

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

This is a question posed to us from the moment we can put semi-coherent syllables together. I started out wanting to become a famous movie star, while my brother said he wanted to be a watermelon. Lucky for him he later changed his mind. "Inanimation with an emphasis in Produce" wasn't a degree option. But I digress...

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

We hear it all of our lives, responding first with our fantastical dream career, then with more plausible options, moving on to something related to our college major, and then...in the final weeks of college..."what do you want to be when you grow up?" suddenly becomes "what do you want to be NOW?". I am finally "grown up", approaching my last two weeks of my college education, and now that my answer FINALLY matters...I am speechless. For the first time in my twenty-three years of life, I can't answer the question.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, now that I'm grown up. I don't even know what my "dream job" is anymore. I feel so lost in a swirling pool of indecision, numerous career paths, and a crappy economy. America, the land of opportunity, isn't really doing much for me, except making me very unsure and scared about what the future holds. I would love to get out of this country, escape to Europe and work in the vast amounts of theatres or film companies across the pond. Hooray for countries who actually hold the arts in high regard! Another yearning of mine is to travel around as much of the world as possible, either working as I go, following a film group, or teaching kids using drama in some fashion. I don't want to see just the famous landmarks, but also lend a helping hand in the struggling villages and unseen portions of the earth. But, alas, moving and traveling anywhere...but especially out of the USA... takes a lot of money, and well, to get that money I need a job - but I want to get a job out of the States - and I don't even know what job I want. Oh, what a vicious, evil cycle.

It's sad that you basically need to already be extremely wealthy and well-established to be a productive, giving person throughout the world. The rest of us are screwed. It just doesn't seem fair. I wish passion and compassion were used as currency. I wouldn't have any problems in that case. In the words of Eugene Hutz, I long to "walk this Earth like it is mine." In fact, it was his musical outreach to the gypsy communities of Eastern Europe as documented in the film "Pied Piper of Hutzovina" by Pavla Fleischer that really reinforced my longing to travel the globe (or at the very least, get out of Colorado), impacting any lives I can. I would love to use theatre and film - my passions - to bring a sense of hope and moments of joy to the people inhabiting this beautiful planet. Even making films about the colorful world all around us would be so amazing and rewarding. I have been in correspondence with Ms. Pavla Fleischer, a filmmaker from the Czech Republic who is now living in London. She is not only talented, but extremely gracious and kind. She told me, "I know from experience that pursuing dreams pays off :)!" It obviously has for her thus far. Therefore, I know if I stay positive and work towards my goal, I can make anything happen!

...but there's one small problem: I don't know what my goal is. So, the advice is great - I just don't know where to start. I spend hours upon hours looking for jobs - but I can't find anything since I don't even know what I'm searching for. Film? Theatre? Production? Casting? Teaching? Jobs abroad? Server - so I can just make some !@#$%^* money?!?!

I graduate in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm going to get my diploma, but have no wall to hang it on. I have worked so incredibly hard for five years, rising to unhealthy levels of stress to succeed, and for what? So I can be even more confused about what I want to do with the rest of life than I was in high school? Great. I'm twenty-three years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. However, I do know what I DON'T want to be: unhappy, stuck in a job or location I really don't like, asking myself "what if?", unfulfilled, apathetic about my career and my life, settling for whatever offer I get, rich - but miserable, and completely useless to society. As long as I steer clear from all of those things, I'll be heading the right way. I've already seen acquaintances of mine graduate and get stuck - in Colorado, in a career, in a slump, in a refusal to grow up, in misery. I've witnessed it, and I want to avoid it like the plague. In that sense I suppose I do have a bit of direction.

This particular finish line in my life is nearing, but what happens after that? When and where does the next race start? What path will it lead me down? What am I supposed to do now - in between the end of college and the beginning of my adult life? I don't know. I don't know. However, I do know that I will continue to stretch, jog and sprint the whole way until I find the start line - filled with passion and drive. That way I'll be warmed up and ready to go when my marathon begins. How's that for a metaphor?

Yet, that darn question still remains...

What do you want to be when you grow up???

Not-so-free Free Time

2008-04-07T23:59:00.002-04:00

The Spring play is over!!!! Which means my evenings are back :) No more going to rehearsals! Wahoo!!! Of course, this just means I have more time to work on the copious amounts of paperwork I have to turn in to the UNC Education Department so that I can graduate. May 10th. 10am. Not that I'm counting down the days or anything...

So until I finish that crap, I shall be posting some more old creative non-fiction pieces. Enjoy.

26 February 2007

The Importance of Being Friendly

The friendships which exist between children are so simple and innocent. Just by sharing a snack pack or some Fruit Roll-up from a lunchbox, two kids can instantly become inseparable pals. They are there for each other from that point on, no matter what. The only disagreement between these kindred spirits is whose turn it is to decide which imaginary world will be explored during recess. Yet, as the distance to graduation day progressively shortens, their iron-clad bond begins to wear down, rust, and dissolve. The space growing between them makes it hard to see how that blurry face, so far away, once meant so much to them.

I miss being a kid: swinging upside-down by my ankles from the monkey bars, laughing with my fellow fourth grade friends, knowing that when Jon came over to steal my shoes, as he did every day, they would chase him down and bring my Mickey Mouse sneakers back to me. I knew who my friends were, and I never questioned their devotion. They always had my complete trust. I wish I could say the same about my friends now in this, my twenty-first year of life.

There are times when I wonder if friendship actually exists, as if I’m an atheist seeking proof of this “God” guy I keep hearing so much about. I gaze about the classroom before the professor arrives, eavesdropping on the conservations students scattered about the room are having. They chat about getting tanked over the weekend, psychotic roommates, what one girl’s jock boyfriend did that made her want to break up with him, and how so-and-so is obnoxious, annoying and a poor judge of fashion. As the speaker rambles on, the listener responds with supporting details, “Oh my God!”’s and head nods. I think to myself that if these acquaintances are divulging so much information to each other then they must be friends, right? Is that what friendship is: discussing stuff and people you have in common, whining about shallow social issues, and relaying your problems to someone else, looking for advice or sympathy? If that’s the case, isn’t going to a shrink just paying for a friend?

My perspective of what a friend really is seems so skewed. My life has perpetually been equipped with a revolving door of friends, an addition I’d rather live without. They’re here and gone in a finger snap, leaving behind shared memories to forever haunt my thoughts. “Your friends, now ghosts” (compliments of Lovedrug). As they come and go, each of my so-called friends wipe their feet on the “Welcome mat” outside the door into my life. It’s pretty worn down now. With each friend that spins in and right back out, I become more cynical about this whole thing called friendship. It’s not just my own experiences which have created my negative outlook. I see the way other people massacre their friends, impaling them on a stake of repulsive words and actions. I see friends become enemies with a flick of the tongue. Each case is not only an advertisement for the fallacy of friendship, but of the depravity of mankind.

Making friends has always been a difficult task for me. I grew up an Air Force brat. Therefore, I knew I wouldn’t be around in a particular school or state for longer than three years, so what’s the point in developing lasting ties? When my dad was stationed at the Pentagon, I kept mostly to myself. I would say that my closest friends were my family. I watched China Beach with my mom, sat on the “Thinking Tree” with my older brother, and listened to Michael Jackson records in the loft with my dad. I don’t remember having friends over. I played with kids at preschool on the wooden fortress floating in the ocean of gravel, but that’s the closest I got to kids my own age. We moved to Montgomery, Alabama for a year, and since that was during my development in phonics, I stayed away from making friends as to avoid catching the accent. Our nomadic lifestyle carried us to San Antonio, Texas, which is the place I mark as finding my first real friends and where I met my best friend, Melissa. We happened to be at Randolph Air Force base with old family friends. Their daughter, who is a year older than me, and I became like sisters. Three years later my family packed up for Colorado. It was the first time I could taste the bittersweet sting evoked by making friends and leaving them behind. Melissa’s family was moving to Illinois. It was like having one of my own limbs ripped from my body and whisked away to a remote land, not knowing if I would ever be reunited with that piece of myself again. It was the price I paid for finally diving into this pool of friendship.

My best friend’s family, a few years later, was to be stationed at the Air Force Academy with us! I could hardly contain my joy when the news reached me. It would be just like the good times we had in Texas again. And it was…for a while. Things changed, however. Slowly, progressively, we saw each other less. We grew up, had different agendas, and heard from each other often, then occasionally, then rarely. Now, even though she’s still in Colorado, she hasn’t spoken one word to me since the beginning of May. We were raised together, friends since birth. She was the first friend I ever had. I thought she would always be the one person I could count on to be there, even when it seemed the world around me was falling down and completely pear-shaped. She was my touchstone by which I tested other friendships. Now that has deteriorated, making me doubt the existence of friendship once again. She has become too absorbed in the other bits and pieces of life: karate, school, work. I don’t make the cut. I guess twenty-one years of friendship isn’t an appropriate prerequisite. What must one give to partake in a true friendship?

I hate getting older. The stack of responsibility continually piles up, with no hope of ever seeing the towering mound decrease in height, unless it just topples over, crashing to the floor. Things are in a constant flux. Nothing seems stable. Nothing stays the same, except for this impending sign at the end of the road that keeps getting bigger and bigger: “You are now entering the real world. Good luck. You’ll need it.” As the years of my life add up, so do the number of former classmates who are married or pregnant, along with family and friends who pass away – literally and figuratively. In fact, that is what I despise the most about growing up: losing people I love dearly. It’s hard to become attached to people when more and more I see them die or leave my life in some way, shape or form. The pain of loss is too great, and it exponentially grows with each departure. It never gets easier.

I submit to the jury, for the consideration of the value of friendship, Figurative Fatality, Case A:

I remember her standing there, not crying, and avoiding even a brief glance of our eyes meeting. “I’m going to move out.” Freshman year of college. I learned that year why people say never to live with your best friend from high school; it won’t work out. It didn’t work out. Prior to that moment was a week of yelling, crying, drinking, mean notes (which admittedly is very grown up), and steering clear of confrontation and each other’s paths. And now, honestly, I don’t even remember why it all happened. Some sort of disagreement I’m assuming, but the details escape me. How tragic is that? We maliciously turned on each other, for an ambiguous reason, and it all ended. It was like a bitter divorce. We had to divide our assets. I got the 10 x 10 dorm room in the crappiest residence hall on campus, and she got custody of our mutual friends. I think I received the bad end of the deal – although converting her bed into a couch did make my room the “hangout spot” for the second floor of McCowen Hall, but that’s hardly a substitute for a true friend. We haven’t spoken since. She died that day, but of what exactly? I don’t know.

I now submit to the jury, for the consideration of the impact of friendship, Literal Fatality, Case B:

Last year one of my friends committed suicide. He hung himself with his own belt in a hotel closet. Everyone wants to know the details, but never asks. I figured I’d just come out and say it. Losing Kyle was reason enough for me to never have a single friend again. I lost someone I cared deeply about…forever. I never got to say goodbye or how much I loved him. We never had the chance to bum around his house listening to old Phil Collins records one last time. But the hardest part is knowing that we could still be doing that today. Dealing with his suicide was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I’ve thought about throwing away all of my friends just so I know I would never have to cope with that suffering again.

It’s all still so clear in my mind; a horrible scene that plays in loop when I’m lying in bed alone. Out of nowhere, I got the phone call: Sunday night, sitting on my bed, by myself in my apartment. Once I heard the words “…killed himself.” I dropped the phone and became hysterical. I slid off my bed, down to the floor, soaking the carpet with my tears, shaking my head back and forth, pounding the ground with my fists, yelling “Why!...Why!”. I still don’t know why. I probably never will. The church, the day of his funeral, was filled with a black blanket of people from wall to wall. There was standing room only. As I sat at the end of a pew a flood of mixed emotions regarding friendships come rushing upon me. It made me appreciate the people in my life so much more, and reminded me of the importance of saying “I love you” every chance I get. But by killing himself, Kyle killed a piece of all of his friends. It was selfish. It was one of the most hurtful final acts he could leave his friends and family with. Did Kyle know that he had so many people who cared? I know he had wonderful friends, each who would have given their own life just to bring him back. Were we not good enough for him? Did he not value what we had to offer him? Or did he just not see how much we all cared? Is there no power in friendship? Does it mean nothing? Is it not worth sticking around for? Because if so, what’s the point in having friends at all?

I recently heard of a boy’s best friend, who lives in Texas, coming to the aromatic, fun-filled town of Greeley. The boy, one of my own close friends, introduces his best friend to another girl. The best friend and girl hit it off. The best friend comes to visit again…but to see the girl. The boys rendezvous twice. Then the best friend makes the Texas to Colorado trek again. The boys don’t see each other once over the duration of this visit. The girl picks the best friend up from the airport. The best friend stays with the girl. The boy never gets an actual phone call from his best friend. He flies in and out without a care, leaving the boy he’s known since 9^th grade out of his mini-vacation. This account embodies what I now see friendship as: an investment of time, trust, and heart, followed by an onslaught of betrayal, deceit, and selfishness. It is a build up of memories and emotions which are let down, dropped, and broken.

Oscar Wilde once stated, “True friends stab you in the front”. Had I made friends solely with those who exemplified this statement, I’m sure I would still have those acquaintances to this day. After all, Wilde is discussing the importance of honesty in a friendship. I truly believe that honesty begets one’s loyalty and trust. My trust has been destroyed over the years, which is the main reason why it is a strenuous task for me to keep friends. Without trust no sort of relationship can survive. Trust is the air, food and water to a friendship. I’ve lacked that main ingredient, and thus have seen many friendships die. For example, my remaining grains of trust we’re once again misused by a girl who thrust a blade into my back, again and again…and then twisted the handle. Like a murderer sadistically watching his victim slowly expire, she puts on a fake, two-faced act when we’re eye to eye, while holding in plain sight a dagger dripping with my blood. She doesn’t hide her hypocrisy, which knows no bounds. Like a seed traveling on the wings of the wind, the lies she continues to spread drift from person to person and eventually come to rest in my ears, taking root, allowing my distrust and sense of betrayal to grow. She called me her sister once. I can’t even look at her now.

The revolving door continues to spin ‘round and ‘round. It seems there is no stopping its centrifugal force. I wish I could repress all of these horrible memories of friends. I keep picking my brain, aiming to pinpoint all of the positive aspects of friendship, yet the more I search, the more I am attacked with a ceaseless barrage of hurt and frustration brought on by “friendly-fire”. The stock of ammunition continues to increase. I have lost friends to death, agendas, lies, and reasons I don’t even remember. Yet I haven’t seemed to learn my lesson. I still yearn to have friends. After all, humans aren’t programmed to be alone all the time. We are social creatures. No matter how many times my heart breaks, I masochistically seek out someone else who may end up doing the same thing all over again. To steal a lyric from my favorite band, Copeland, “But you just want to fix yourself, just to break again”.

I just can’t seem to take heed of Emerson’s words: “Trust thyself…Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” I still find myself clinging to an idea I don’t fully believe in: friendship. It’s my slight, yet very loud, optimistic sense that keeps screaming at me to remember the few, precious friends I do retain. It rings a bell in my brain, clanging at me to remember that no matter how many friends screw me over and leave me bruised and broken, there will always be those exceptional friends who will pick up the pieces and nurse me back to health. Those few friendships are worth more than a thousand friends who are bound to misuse my trust in the end. Do not give up hope on mankind, friendship does exist! It is just very rare, hidden. There are many false imitations along the way, but it is through recognizing what those counterfeits lack that I have been able discover what encompasses a true, honest, loyal friend: a friend that will stick. Although the revolving door appears to pick up its spinning pace as time goes by, there are those who fight their way in, minds set on an extended stay.

A Teacher By Any Other Name

2008-03-13T23:55:00.003-04:00

I hate CSAPs. Just thought I'd throw that out there. It represses creativity, takes up valuable teaching time, and students and teachers despise them. The only positive aspect to proctoring is that I have made vast progress in the book I'm reading, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. It is beautiful and amazing. He's such a talented writer! I've been reading it three pages at a time since I have to "actively proctor" - which means I take a lap around the room and make sure the students are filling in bubbles completely, not texting, not sleeping, and repressing any urge to act like a normal human being. Anyways - the book is grand. I found myself having to hold back laughter and tears multiple times...I didn't want the kids to think I was completely insane.

Tomorrow marks the end of week 10. Glory, glory hallelujah. In these 10 weeks, my students have decided to come up with some colorful nicknames for me - because well, Miss Taylor is just too hum-drum, although some of them still have difficulty in remembering that one. I'm just thankful they aren't evil names - at least not to my face. I'll take any of these over some other choice words the kids could employ when addressing me. Here are some of the alternative choices assigned to me...

Miss Tay-Tay: One of my techies started calling me this during the first week. I don't really know why. 'Cause it rhymes? 'Cause it rhymes with his name? 'Cause it sounds stupid? Je ne said pas. The best part was when his friend started calling me that too,because he thought it was actually my name. He was a bit confused and greatly embarrassed when I broke the bad news to him.

Mom: This isn't a new one. When living with the 3 boys in "Manhaus" I was given this nickname too. It's the maternal side of me. When I hear "mom" from my student, I automatically respond - and the other students in the room always say, "That's weird."

Mr. T: Oh, backstage antics. Techies are grand. Illegible writing + confusion = Mr. T. It happened during a night of One Acts and stuck. I pity the fool who doesn't like theatre! Or something like that.

Miss T: Obvious.

Girlfriend: I always reply to this with "awkward", since this is a male student's reference to me. . Mary Kay LeTorneau. Need I say more? And, I doubt his girlfriend enjoys it. I sure as hell don't. You wish! ...my boyfriend's shoes are way to big to fill - plus, there's an age requirement. You have to be able to buy me drinks.

Kristi: Yes. I know I'm only 4 or 5 years older than you. Still! R-E-S-P-E-C-T, people! I suck at saying "no, you can't call me that". I'll just start calling all my students by their last names.

K-Dawg: I teach at a school comprised of rich white kids who think they're gangstas. Not so much. But they're so fragile. I don't want to shatter their dreams...errr...misconceptions.

Mrs. Taylor: What? My mom's here?!? Where????

I'm sure there are others floating about and more still to come. Joyous day. I'll just take the nicknames as a sign they like me - or are at least willing to spend enough time considering my existence to come up with them.

Where's the Vodka? Where's Marinated Herring?

2008-03-10T23:47:00.003-04:00

This past Friday was a momentous occasion. I attended the best concert I have ever seen in my 22 years - taking away the copious amounts of stress, worry and negativity on my mind. I feel like a completely new, rejuvenated person - all thanks to a huge gypsy punk party.

Actually, technically, it is thanks to Chris (who bought the tickets months ago). Plus he's put up with my extreme stress and knotted back for far too long. He gave me the chance to finally see one of my favorite bands, Gogol Bordello (who's front man, Eugene Hutz, also happens to be a lead role in one of my favorite movies - Everything is Illuminated). After a long week of teaching, a craptastic band (Skindred - who is best described as a British version of Disturbed), a disgusting display of PDA between a very...interesting couple, and some social lubrication (2 long islands), the party I had been so eagerly looking forward to began. Off-stage singing echoed through the Fillmore Auditorium - an old roller rink by the look of things, but an old bowling alley by the smell. I was surrounded by people of all ages, which was a welcome sight to the normal 16 year old scene kid carbon copies. My heart was pounding - I could hear it above the whistle and roar of an anxious crowd.

I predicted the show starting song correctly - Unlimited. I had drug Chris down to the floor with me, standing about 20 feet or so from the stage. Despite my vertical handicap and the numerous tall boys (some with 2 foot mohawks) around me, I was able to see the various band members on stage: bass player, 2 female backup singers, drummer, guitarist, accordion player, a white bearded violinist and Eugene - guitarist and lead singer from Ukraine. The recipe for Gypsy punk.

Eugene was clad in tight, black, patch-strewn, calf-length pants, no shirt, and a scarf tired around each arm...plus that trademark mustache of his (And a long, pink wig during Zina-Marina). He also brought out a bottle of red wine which he took swigs from (or poured on himself) from time to time...how refined :) His lack of clothing only accentuated his extremely ripped, but still skinny, physique. Even Chris remarked that he had muscles where most people don't - and the caliber of his performance proves why.

Usually when bands play in Colorado there is the typical banter during the set relating to the altitude, and thus the lack of oxygen. Bands like to whine about that. Or, even stop playing 'cause they can't handle it - like Mae did when I saw them play at Rock Island a couple years ago. But there wasn't a peep about the altitude, the lack of oxygen, or even the slightest sign of exhaustion from the Gogol members - and they played for 2 hours. 2 hours of relentless, powerful, high-energy, bass drum pounding, hand-clapping, floor stomping gypsy punk music. That band gave everything they had and more. It was amazing. They did "finish" their set after about an hour and 15 minutes - but after five minutes of non-stop applause they ran back on stage and played for another 45 minutes. Now THAT is what I call an encore. During those five minutes I can only assume the band was alternating shots of vodka with inhales from an oxygen tank.

I felt like I was at a huge party - not just a concert. The crowd was jumping up and down, clapping hands, snapping fingers, dancing up a storm and singing along. Eugene was pouring his heart into his performance, along with his band mates - and I thought it only fair that I do the same. Give what you get. Three songs in I had already lost one layer of clothing - the jacket I wore into the show. A couple songs later I could feel the sweat starting to drip down from my hair line and onto my cheek and neck. Soon the dip of my spine was a waterfall of perspiration and my pants were soaked through - like I'd just gotten off the tidal wave ride at an amusement park. I was hot, drenched, legs aching, and closed in on all sides by the crowd - I couldn't have been happier. Chris was happy - well, amused - to finally see me "rock out" - a sight I'm sure he thought never existed. I was pogo bouncing up and down, shimmying those shoulders, singing the lyrics with full force, throwing my hands up in the air, clapping along, yelling "hey!"'s when instructed and even shoving concert-goers who got in my way - don't mess with me when I'm trying to rock out, people!

I don't think words can express how extremely fun and wonderful this show was! I still can't stop listening to Gogol whenever I get the chance, replaying all the little details in my head whenever a song comes on that they played at the show. I KNOW Chris is getting annoyed with me reminiscing. I'm addicted. I'll admit that. Hi my name is Kristi, and I am addicted to Gogol Bordello. There. I have decided that when I get married, instead of having a fancy reception with a crappy DJ, the whole wedding party will go to a Gogol concert. Seriously. It would be the best wedding shindig EVER. That's what's happening. So, if you plan on coming to this awesome wedding celebration, I suggest you start at least pretending to like Gogol now - because I will be making sure you are singing along, jumping up and down, and clapping along to every song. Plus, they're amazing anyways. Give in to the gypsy punk. It'll do you some good.

PS - If you can't figure out what to get me for my birthday (April 12th) or graduation (May 10th), Gogol is touring through August - I'll take tickets to a show (and a plane ride there) for sure! (Especially those shows in Europe and the UK). Thanks. :) And you're welcome for the idea. Now you don't have to stress about it anymore.

A Glimpse Into the Future

2008-03-06T22:29:00.002-05:00

thewindowmurder (8:21:09 PM): I am just so lost

KrickChick85 (8:23:28 PM): me too babe. me too

KrickChick85 (8:23:36 PM): hardcore

thewindowmurder (8:23:45 PM): Can we just move to the middle of nowhere

thewindowmurder (8:23:48 PM): (close to a target)

thewindowmurder (8:23:52 PM): and live off the grid

KrickChick85 (8:25:28 PM): sure

KrickChick85 (8:25:33 PM): but how are we making money?

thewindowmurder (8:25:43 PM): Selling honey. We can start a honey farm

thewindowmurder (8:26:09 PM): It will be called Kristi's All Natural Bee Honey

KrickChick85 (8:27:29 PM): haha!!!!!!!!!

KrickChick85 (8:27:35 PM): i hate bees!

thewindowmurder (8:27:52 PM): I will deal with the bees you will take care of the buisness and the labels

KrickChick85 (8:28:05 PM): ok.

i need you to stay after class

2008-03-05T23:23:00.003-05:00

I am about to finish up my ninth week of student teaching! And I'm very excited about it. This graduation thing can't come soon enough. 7 more weeks to go!!! I mean it's not complete torture or anything. It is just time consuming, tiring, and way stressful. It's also annoying when I'm working my butt off trying to create fun lessons, and the kids just stare at me with these dear in the headlights looks. Oh well - those are the beginning kids. I'm doing my best to get to them, but there's only SO much I can do. I'm not there to entertain them, after all - so they can just deal. I have done more than my part. The rest is up to the kiddos.

I have decided that college professors should LOVE their students. Yeah, we may come to class in sweats, hungover, and fall asleep now and then - but college lectures could bore one to death. At least we behave for the most part, turn in our assignments, and understand that if we don't, we get a bad grade. We know the consequences, and don't whine about not doing our part. High school kids, however, seem to blame the teacher if they're getting a bad grade! If you want to earn a good grade ('cause you EARN grades, I don't just GIVE them), try not rolling your eyes, refusing to participate in the exercise, turning in simple half-assed one page worksheets, and lacking the motor skills to process the phrase "stand up".

I gave the beginning classes little pep talks about how I was raising expectations and they need to apply themselves more...blah blah blah. In one ear. Out the other. Things haven't changed. Yes, I might only be 22 - but the grades they're earning are still real. GAH! I wish they'd put away they're little preconceptions about me not deserving their respect or whatever and just participate and cooperate. Fine. We'll all just have a poopy time. Screw it.

All I have to say is thank the Lord for my advanced kids! They make me feel like a good teacher. They make all the work worth it. Thanks beginning class for ruining my teacher high! :( The improv kids are awesome too! Even the Tech kids are super nice to me! Just those first two classes - they make me want to tear my hair out and go slam some valium with a martini chaser.

7 more weeks.

My Soundtrack

2008-03-02T23:29:00.001-05:00

ok so i've been meaning to update this thing for a while...especially since i have multiple nicknames at school and have finished my first week of full time teaching. but, that post is going to have to wait since i need to get up at 6am - which means i need to go to bed like now. A new post is coming. Soon. Maybe. But here is an old essay to entertain for the time being...

March 28th, 2007...

Track 1: “Eleanor Rigby” by the Beatles

“I look at all the lonely people…” This song instantly transports me back to high school – a period of my life that I’m glad is in the past. The Beatles seemed to encapsulate my feelings of being awkward, alone, and definitely not popular. I never had a date in high school, unless my best guy friend taking me to a dance senior year counts. My social groups were always changing. I felt judged all the time. I never had a first kiss, just many rejections. This song provided me with a bit of peace and solace. It gave my 17 year-old self comfort in that I could to relate to this Eleanor Rigby lady, fictional though she may be. As I listen to the song now it evokes those out of place, coming of age memories and emotions. Foggy pictures of the hallways lined with blue lockers, the parking lot ridden with couples making out, and me standing by myself without purpose or direction dance across my thoughts.

Track 2: “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult

I instantly picture Will Ferrell banging the hell out of a cowbell, hairy beer-belly sticking out over his pants, whenever this song’s intro starts. This sketch from Saturday Night Live aired my junior year of high school. It still cracks me up every time. Since I associate this song with that sketch, it always seems to put me in a better mood. It also takes me back to high school – I thought things were hectic then, but they were so simple. My main concern on the weekends was to make sure I caught the new SNL episode. Everything seemed funnier and less complicated. So I throw on this song when I need to unwind and take a breather…because these days, it’s the closest I get to finding time to watch SNL.

Track 3: “Hear You Me” by Jimmy Eat World

New year. New plans. New experiences. New loss. I don’t accurately remember what the weather was like in January of 2003, but I do remember listening to this song a lot, and it paints the picture of gray clouds and flurries of snow. The trees are bare, dark. Their limbs are a skeleton of their once full, leafy boughs. My grandfather passed away mid-January of 2003, my senior year of high school. I listened to this song for weeks on end. It was a sort of prayer to my grandfather, a 21^st century teenager’s way of communication and mourning. Every time I hear the song I think of my grandfather, how close we were, what a wonderful man he was, and those same tears that fell from my eyes four years ago begin to well up again.

Track 4: “Dammit” by Blink 182

This song still remains the anthem for my middle school through yearly college years. It makes me want to lace up my old Converse “tennies”, slip into my faded pink Blink 182 shirt and go rock out in a pit full of angsty kids. Blink 182 has been my favorite band throughout the ups and downs of the journey towards adulthood. I attended their concerts from Freshman year of high school to Freshman year of college. By listening to any one of their albums, I can picture myself at an exact moment in time. This song in particular allows me to reflect upon my entire passage into maturity…or something like it. “Well I guess this is growing up.”

Track 5: “Istanbul (Not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants

Ah, the dorms. Correction: the worst dorm on the UNC campus…but definitely the most fun. It was like a huge, both sexes allowed, 24/7 slumber party on my side of the hallway. All of us were friends. Our doors were always open (unless we were naked), welcoming old pals and new prospective buddies. We had random dance parties in the hall, secret drinking rendezvous, Adult Swim on Cartoon Network every night, and movie gatherings. My favorite activity was afternoon nap time and karaoke afterwards in my dear friend, Pat’s room. Pat and I had a blast together freshman year, and this song was one of our regular karaoke songs. We would sing it loud and often. It always makes me think of the two of us being complete dorks – quite the highlight of my freshman year (and a common occurrence). It reminds me of that whole experience known as ‘dorm life’ – at least the parts I want to remember.

Track 6: “The Places You Have Come To Fear the Most” by Dashboard Confessional

This song = driving around Colorado Springs, windows up, volume knob turned all the way to the right, and fighting back the storm of tears that is waiting to rain down my cheeks. I have never experienced a pain like that of breaking up with my first love. I never fathomed it would be so excruciating. It was just as if he had died, but no one, except me, seemed to care. I was working forty hours a week, going through the motions, and putting on an act as to not inconvenience my family or friends with my situation. I felt just like a mannequin: smiling, trying to be perfect, and fitting everyone else’s mold. All the while I was dying inside, wanting to scream and lie in the fetal position in a corner. My car was my only sanctuary to truly be me and this song was my hymn.

Track 7: “This Time With Feeling” by Icarus Planes

I miss riding in a crowded, dirty van, with smelly, adrenaline-filled boys. I miss sitting in the rear of poorly lit venues with anywhere from 300 to maybe 15 kids, hoping a handful (or at least one) will buy a shirt or CD from me. I miss the late night meals at Denny’s or matte tea sessions at the all night matte shop following the shows. My sophomore year of college I began to get more and more into the indie music scene and tried to support local artists as much as my poor college student budget could afford. I fell into meeting some great guys from two different bands (Icarus Planes and City of Vanity) who were all mutual friends. Their songs bring back the best memories from that year: star-gazing out the window on the way back from a show, listening to the unplugged jam sessions at the boys’ house, leap-frogging over each other in downtown Colorado Springs with ice cream in hand, and watching kids’ reaction to the music – getting so into it, finding a new sound to love. Someday I’ll get to tell my kids that I once hung out with rock stars.

Track 8: “Shimmy Shimmy Quarter Turn (Take it Back to Square One)” by Hellogoodbye

We knew everyone was looking at as and thinking we were the weirdest nerds ever, but we didn’t care. My roommate, Emily, and I would dance our asses off (as much as one can when sitting in a car) to this song while driving around. Usually we were on our way to a little 8 buck concert in Denver to see such beloved bands as Lovedrug, Name Taken, Copeland, Mae, or the incredibly adorable Hellogoodybe. Emily was my closest friend my sophomore year. It made sense. We were both single, jobless, into having “Friends” episode marathons, in love with Johnny Depp and indie concerts. I had the most fun doing absolutely nothing with her, and even more fun dancing like dorks to Hellogoodbye in private or public. Those were some good times. I still dance idiotically to Hellogoodbye when I’m alone. I figure I need to keep up my moves in case she comes to join the fun again one day.

Track 9: “A Man Alone” by Finch

Bad relationship. My roommate’s gone for days on end. This Secondary Teacher Education Program has too many damn hoops to jump through! Early mornings. Late nights. Heavy drinking on the weekends. Sounds just like my junior year of college…because it was. I sat in the tiniest, most cramped room known to mankind with papers spread all over my room. The homework was non-stop and the support non-existent. I felt so alone. It seemed as if no one understood or cared the pressure I was dealing with – or more like being crushed beneath. I was constantly fighting with my boyfriend. My roommate and I hardly talked anymore. The deadlines and responsibilities kept mounding and piling and building up, soon to come tumbling down. I would blast this song in my apartment. It was my way of screaming, venting and bitching without physically doing any of those things. It embodies that sense of hopelessness and a cry for help. It’s still my go-to song for those moments when I feel like I’m about to explode.

Track 10: “La Vie Boheme” from RENT

This is without a doubt the sacred song of my group of girl friends. At almost every soiree we had, big or small, we would listen to this song. Usually we would end up listening to it about 5 times in a row, with full out choreography, and nailing every single lyric without a mistake. Our performances got better with the more alcohol we imbibed. I don’t know why I’m talking about this ritual in the past tense, because it still happens every so often. However it did begin my Junior year of college. The song makes me happy. It conjures up the numerous fun and crazy nights I’ve had and continue to have with my closest friends in Greeley. It’s a tribute to things and people we love and to each other. It’s a reminder to me to treasure true friends, stay young (if only at heart), and in the words of Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.”

Track 11: “Love Affair” by Copeland

Copeland is one of my favorite bands, and I am thus required to include at least one of their songs. This album came out while I was studying abroad in Ireland. Thank the Lord for the iTunes music store! I don’t really know if I could have made it through my time in Dublin without this album and especially this song. I was trying to do the long distance relationship thing and it was not an easy thing to deal with. It was even worse because I had a so-called friend back home publicly saying we weren’t in love and we were being stupid - although I believe jealousy was the root of her thoughts. She also sent me a message saying she was keeping my boyfriend “occupied” (insert a winking smiley face here). This song reaffirmed my love for my boyfriend. It kept me strong. It kept us both strong. My feelings are the only ones that matter, no one else’s. Copeland told me to keep my head up, don’t give up, and lose my head just for my heart. “Just let me love who I want.” And I still love him.

Track 12: “Sailors” by the Empty Pilot

It’s true - I have a soft spot for musicians. I seem to warmly welcome them into my life. This one happens to be my favorite: Chris Jones aka The Empty Pilot. He wrote this for me while I was across the pond on the Emerald Isle. I listened to it to help me fall asleep. It was the closest I got to hearing his voice whenever I wanted, not just Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 5pm. It stands now as a monument to our accomplishment of being so far apart and still surviving. It illustrates the strength and influence of love. Plus, it’s a very personal song, hand-crafted with me in mind. It’s about us, our experiences, and our relationship. It means more to me than any other song I have ever heard.

BONUS TRACK: “Soundtrack for Our Movie” by Mae

This is a long-time favorite and appropriate to the topic of the paper. It’s a positive way to end things…and always instills in me the feeling of something to look forward to.

the importance of being idle

2008-02-11T23:47:00.000-05:00

by Oasis

I sold my soul for the second time
'Cause the man He don't pay me
I begged my landlord for some more time
He said "Son, the bills are waiting"
My best friend called me the other night
He said "Man - are you crazy"
My girlfriend told me to get a life
She said "Boy - you're lazy"

But I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, if you give me a minute, a man's got a limit
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it

I lost my faith in the summer time
'Cause it don't stop raining
The sky all day is as black as night
But I'm not complaining
I begged my doctor for one more line
He said "Son - words fail me"
It ain't no place to be killing time
I guess, I'm just lazy

But I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, if you give me a minute, a man's got a limit
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it

Familiar Feelings

2008-02-03T23:28:00.000-05:00

Well, another weekend is coming to a close. Why must the weekends always go so fast? And they seem to lack the amount of relaxation I seek - but I only have myself to blame for that. I stress myself out. It was great to see Chris again this weekend, however. Knowing that I get to see him on the weekends is what carries me through the weeks of early mornings, late nights, stressful days, and teenage angst. I do have great students though, so I shouldn't complain. It could be a lot worse. It's just tiring.

Here's another old essay I wrote that is very relevant to my life at the moment: lack of sleep and of money. Something I know all too well. Have a great week! ...I'm aiming for survival.

On the Lack and Want of Money (Or the Lack and Want of Sleep)
My mind is fixated on the throbbing of my feet, the ache in my calves, and the overwhelming longing to crash on my bed, followed by a refusal to leave my down and Egyptian sateen paradise. It’s moments like these when I think I should give up this strenuous schedule of a full course load, homework, a thirty hour work week, and restless nights. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I glance over and see that jar: weighted down with coins of every value and stuffed to the brim with one dollar bills, with some fives and tens strewn in the mix. It’s an endless game of tug-of-war between my opposing desires: the desire to have sleep versus the desire to have money.
When I have to open the coffee shop I work at I get up around 3:30 in the morning so I can be there by 4:30am. I wish I could just throw on my sweats and an oversized hoodie, messily tie up my hair in a ponytail and stumble out the door. Unfortunately, I actually have to get ready, but not because my boss says I’m supposed. I do it because society says so. I get better tips if I fit the cute barista motif. I set my alarm according to my want of money.
As I walk into the espresso bar at 4:30, rubbing the crusted sleep out of my eyes I can’t help but think of that line from Fight Club: “…you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake”. I open the blinds and gaze outside: darkness. I’m surrounded by darkness. Watching the sun rise while whipping up americanos and sugar free vanilla, nonfat, no whip, 158 degree lattes is such an odd experience. I firmly believe a law should be put in order restricting the opening of any business before the sun peeks up over the horizon. The sun isn’t at work yet, why do I have to be?
Sometimes I feel like a zombie. I’m the living dead, staggering around on this earth, making coffee, sitting in class, and devouring the tips and paychecks I come across (instead of human flesh). Even though I feel like one more ounce of fatigue would surely put me six feet under, I find it hard to sleep at night. I’ll come home around 11:30pm after a closing shift, and realize that I get to open tomorrow. Lucky me (I think the lack of sleep is upping my sarcastic output). I get in bed at 12:30 and lie wide awake: eyes open, gazing into my moon-lit room. I think it is part dread of not being woken up by my alarm and part denial that three hours of sleep will really do any good which keeps me from slumber. Whatever it is, it completely sucks. As F. Scott Fitzgerald so accurately put it, “The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.”
Is this constant state of self-decay worth it? Should I keep up at this pace, even though I may be risking my physical health and mental sanity? This is a question I ponder daily – especially when I come home, dripping in caramel sauce, wreaking of coffee grounds, and pulling whip cream out of my hair, wanting nothing but to go to bed, but then looking at the seemingly endless list of pages homework that’s due the next day (after working a five and a half hour shift in the morning, of course). Am I happy living like this?
The well-known philosopher Albert Camus stated, “It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.” I won’t lie, I like having money. I’m pretty sure anyone would agree to that. It’s nice knowing that I can go out to eat, go to the movies with friends, buy nice presents for my loved ones and perhaps purchase a thing or two for myself every now and then.
Before I got this job I was slipping into the depths of destitution, a status not uncommon to the typical college student, but still not a position one would aspire to be in. My pantry shelves were bare; I couldn’t do anything with my compadres on the weekend; I didn’t know if I would be able to make rent at the beginning of the next month. I was definitely getting more sleep, but the amount of stress I was under due to financial budgeting was increasing rapidly – in stark opposition to my depleting bank account. Since starting my job, the financial burden has been lifted. In that sense, money has certainly raised my spirits. But what good is all that money if I don’t have the energy to go out and spend it? Nobody wants to hang out with the girl who is ready to go to bed by seven o’clock. I’m suffocating from the stress of school and a deficiency of snooze time. Nathaniel Hawthorne made a good point when he wrote, “A man's soul may be buried and perish under a dung heap or in a furrow of the field, just as well as under a pile of money.”
Where did this need of sleep come from anyways? I remember secretly staying up far past my bed time while growing up, sneaking into the family room to watch MTV. My freshman year of college was spent going to bed between 3am and 5am each night and still attending all of my classes (for the most part) and getting a 4.0 GPA. I guess I’ll go ahead and blame getting mononucleosis, “studying” (aka sleeping and drinking) abroad in Ireland, and that whole pesky growing up thing. If I still had the stamina of my eighteen year old self, I just might be able to contend with this situation. But alas, my twenty-two year old body is having none of that. It screams, “One or the other! You must choose!”
I’ve found that when dealing with a circumstance with which I have no clue which course of action I should take, it helps to get the opinion of someone else. An outside source allows me to see a different perspective on the condition at hand. I can get advice, pinpoint ideas I’ve missed, and evaluate whether I’m going completely crazy or not. Seeing as my boyfriend knows me and my situation quite well, I asked what he thought about money, sleep, and my relation to those two topics at this point in time. As far as money goes I think we pretty much agree. Money is a hassle. Life would be a lot easier and worry-free without it in the world. However, that isn’t real life. Unfortunately it seems that money is what makes the world go ‘round, and thus stress is forced upon us due to a need of money – and every item we pick up requires great consideration before actual purchase.
Sleep is a favorite pastime for both my boyfriend and me – perhaps something that brought us together. The difference in our view of sleep, however, is that I use it for recuperation, whereas he uses it for escape. He escapes from the stresses of real life. In his dreamland he can be wealthy, satisfied, and labor-free. When I sleep I still dream about pouring espresso shots and wake up every hour to make sure I’m not late for work. I sleep because I can’t keep my eyes open one second longer. He sleeps because it seems like a better idea at the moment than staying awake…and because he can.
I know my job has affected my lifestyle drastically, but it has also turned my boyfriend’s routine around as well – along with his perception of my own existence. His sleeping schedule has changed to match up with mine, for the most part. He is usually forced into going to sleep before he actually wants to because I end up passing out with my head on his chest, and since he cares about me so much he just stays put and lets me sleep. He thinks I work too much. He’s right. He thinks that I’m denying my youth by worrying so much about money and work. He says that “We are young. We have our whole lives to worry about money… I worry that you aren’t having enough fun, and that you are stressing out too much. You are going to worry too much and then forget why you were worrying so much. I love you and just want what’s best for you.” It sounds like he’s doing a lot of worrying about me worrying. Guess we all have our own problems.
He wants what’s best for me. How am I supposed to know what’s best for me? If I don’t even know what’s best for me, how am I going to decide what to do? I’m caught in this lose-lose situation. Who would have ever thought that money and sleep are actually so closely correlated? If I want one, it seems I can’t have the other. I need to find a job where I can get paid to sleep. However, I’m sure I’d be too concerned about my on-the-job performance to actually sleep at all, and consequently get fired. Back at square one. For now I will persist to have my boyfriend, friends, and family worry about me, all while enjoying being able to go out for good food with me, get nice presents from me, and not have to float me a loan. I will continue to prolong my lack and want of sleep and money.

reflections

2008-01-22T23:34:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is a 12+ hour day for me at school, so I'm going to get to bed in just a bit. But before hitting the sack I figured I'd post an old essay on Edinburgh. It's a reminiscent little place essay I wrote for a creative writing class last Spring. It's all about my weekend trip to Edinburgh - duh - which is pronounced Edin-bur-a. It's a pet peeve of mine when people say it wrong.

In addition I'd also like to say congrats to Johnny for the Oscar nod and give my condolences to the friends and family of Heath Ledger. His life and talent will be missed.

My Version of Trainspotting: Without the Heroin

Love at first sight really does exist. I used to believe that this clichéd concept was completely idiotic. However, I have been reformed. The catharsis came when I was slapped square in the face with destiny. The second I saw it, one instant, I was in love. Yes, it. Not him. Or her. It. I fell in love with it. Its breath-taking beauty, melding of the old and new, and the overwhelming feeling of finally finding a place where I belonged, filled me with a sense of warmth and comfort, like a weary traveler returning to the familiarity of his own home. I had discovered my soul mate: Edinburgh, Scotland.

After being up since five in the morning, on a plane, on two trains, and standing in the tourist office for hours trying to find a place to sleep on a major rugby match weekend, I felt utterly downcast with this four day trip to Scotland. However, upon exiting the Edinburgh train station my spirits were lifted like a child’s balloon floating away towards the sun. I stared up at the ornate black edifice piercing the gray-blue sky. Below the towering structure a Ferris wheel spun round and round, scattering laughter and a twinkle of colorful lights upon the centuries old cobblestones beneath my feet. The joy and warmth ran up the soles of my shoes, surging through my fatigued limbs, and came shining through my face in the form of a smile. There I was: eyes drawn up to a mysterious castle on the hill, ears soaking in the sound of bagpipes around the corner, nose picking up the scents from the Asian restaurant nearby, and hands hurriedly feeling for my camera hidden somewhere in my overstuffed polka-dotted back pack.

Winding streets, steep hills, narrow passages, hundreds of stairs, Gothic towers, and modern glass skyscrapers all compose the city where numerous black taxi cabs navigate their way like ants in an underground colony. My body, as if recharged by an invisible electric shock, yearned to explore the city right away. Of course, my sometimes-too-sensible mind then remembered that although I was here to sightsee, unless I sorted out a place to stay, I would be a homeless tourist, sleeping on the street and bound to see some sights I would rather pass up. Miraculously, the tourist center found shelter for my head in a hostel close by. With my mind at ease, I gazed back up at that castle overlooking the city and began to trudge my way through copious amounts of men in kilts towards Edinburgh Castle. A steep, slithering climb tortured my weary legs as I navigated my way up Cockburn Street and approached an intersection at the Royal Mile on High Street.

The Royal Mile is a cobble-stoned “yellow brick road” of sorts which leads to the gate of Edinburgh Castle, as opposed to the Wizard of Oz’s Emerald City. It is now lined on both sides with restaurants, cafes, and souvenir shops where Scotch and cashmere can be purchased. Yet, at one time in Edinburgh’s dark history, naked Scotsmen slathered in blue paint went tearing down the Royal Mile, hollering at the top of their lungs to scare the Romans away. Accused witches went rolling down the path in barrels, as the authority’s means of tormenting them into a confession. Atop Castle Hill I marveled over the aerial view of my new favorite city. A mountainous background majestically ascended behind rows of buildings with steeples intermittently poking up out of a sea of roofs and chimneys. The sky, painted with brush strokes of clouds, was giving way to night. The impending blanket of darkness highlighted the illuminated windows across the city’s landscape. Like a scholar in pursuit of deeper knowledge, I sought to examine the Edinburgh that laid before my eyes.

As I meandered about Scotland’s capital, the visual representation of its bleak past and bright future came into view. On my left hand side, the newly renovated Museum of Scotland jutted into the sky. It was a concrete and glass giant; a perfect model of modern architecture. Conversely, across the street was Greyfriars Kirk, encircled by a graveyard. Tombstones so old that the engravings were illegible infested the entire landscape of Greyfriars Cemetery and the surrounding walls: walls once climbed over nightly by body snatchers who made a lucrative career out of digging up freshly buried bodies and selling them to the local medical school. Skulls and crossbones, eerie angels, and other hellish figures set in stone upon tombs only add to the haunting feeling evoked by being in the graveyard. Walking through the cemetery, I couldn’t help but be captivated with a sense of fear that the swaying trees surrounding me were watching my every step, as if their leafless boughs would reach down and ensnare me. My curiosity drug me deeper and deeper into the ocean of staggered gravestones, but as my heartbeat rapidly increased, my breathe became so heavy it felt as though I would choke on each inhale of oxygen. My sense of insecurity and desire to investigate played a tug of war with my mind, eventually causing me leave Greyfriars before night covered the grounds like a pot of spilt ink.

Not only did thoughts of my macabre stroll keep my mind racing and body awake that night, but a hostel is not very conducive to sleep. People constantly coming in and out, a smorgasbord of accents and languages, and a plentiful assortment of other distractions and annoyances kept my eyes wide that night. I laid tucked inside of the blue and green plaid comforter spread across my top bunk refuge in the “Trainspotting” room and reflected upon my day’s adventures. I had begun to unearth the wonders which created Edinburgh, and although my body knew otherwise, it seemed as if I were already dreaming.

Sunshine. What a wonderful sight that was to wake up to. I had been studying in Ireland for about two and a half months at this point, so to see the sun was a precious gift. My first day in Scotland was a bit overwhelming and stressful, but everything came together eventually. Now I was ready for day two in this remarkable city, which, like a poet to his muse, I seemed to become more attached to with every corner I turned, new fact I learned and place I stepped foot in.

I learned to use the several closes scattered throughout the city to my advantage. Closes are very narrow passages situated between the walls of tenements. After all, I was traveling everywhere around the city by means of my own two feet, and the landscape of Edinburgh reminded me a lot of San Francisco’s geography: riddled with ridiculously steep inclines for streets. These channels allowed a pedestrian to skip over to another street at a speedier pace, like a mouse through the holes in a dilapidated house. In addition, they also used to serve as the sewage system of the city during the Dark Ages and Renaissance period. Residents would keep their bodily refuse in a chamber pot. When the pot was full and the smell too pungent to endure, the Scots would throw open the window, shout out a loud “Gardy loo!” as a brief warning to individuals passing by on the ground, and heave the pot’s contents down below. Very sanitary. As I piloted myself through the closes, I gawked up at the numerous windows towering above me. I imagined what would happen if I was one of those innocent visitors to Edinburgh at the time. I would be walking along, hearing this strange, loud, garbled phrase from above, obviously looking up into the sky with bafflement, and splash! Right in the face.

Another downside to closes is that due to the hills Edinburgh is situated on, they all have about a trillion stairs to venture up and down. At least it felt like there were that many. The closes also had very interesting names such as “Fleshmarket Close”, “Sugarhouse Close” and “YouShouldJustTurnBackNowCauseYouWillNeverMakeItUpAllOfTheseSteps Close”. Well, maybe not that last one. That was just the affectionate name I gave to the Scottish closes, minus some colorful words the Irish taught me.

Thanks to utilizing the closes, I made it to an afternoon tour of the underground vaults just in time. Just as a dark secret is buried along with it’s keeper, laid to rest deep beneath this busy capital city were old vaults from centuries ago, which served many purposes: both good and ill. Our tour guide, single lit candle in hand, creating a ghostly glow upon my path, led us down deeper and deeper, into the underbelly of Edinburgh. The temperature quickly began to drop and my suspicions gradually arose. The dusty, dark labyrinth of nooks, dead ends, and catacombs shed more light upon Edinburgh’s rich history. The poor lived, worked and died here when there was no room or money for them to live above ground. Illicit taverns were established where plentiful amounts of claret were imbibed. Body snatchers used the vaults as an underground passage to safely smuggle their merchandise, and murderers stashed their victims here until they could dispose of the body properly. I could not fathom spending an extended amount of time in those conditions. It was a breeding ground for disease, disaster, and death. However, the vaults were expansive and a feat of master engineering. It was astounding to be in these underground dwellings, unlawful meeting spots, and places of commerce and evil which have survived hundreds of years.

My eyes took awhile to adjust to the light again once I walked back out upon the Royal Mile. The sun had begun to drop behind a jagged hill in the distance, and single rain drops started to fall upon my head at an increasing pace. I took a moment to breathe my short, yet memorable Scottish experience in. The cafe full of students next door to the pub crowded with old Scottish men telling stories and drinking their pints created an atmosphere of old tradition mingling with new ideas. I loved the passion and pride which infused every part of the city, even when dealing with the dark past that Edinburgh does not keep a secret. The culture of Edinburgh and the Scottish people was infused within every aspect of this eccentric city: from the man standing on the Royal Mile, in full traditional Scottish attire, playing his highland bagpipes, to the nightclub, packed shoulder to shoulder with the future of Scotland dancing next to me until 3 a.m. The next morning as I munched on and enjoyed haggis, a Scottish dish made of minced sheep heart, lungs and liver, I knew a country that could make even that taste good was special. The shopping on Prince Street was unparalleled to anything back a mile above in Denver, and having the option every five feet I traversed of stepping in a café for a latte or a pub for a pint of cider was an attractive feature. The beauty of the city was enough to make me want to “accidentally” miss my flight back home…forever. Especially during “magic hour”, when the setting sun caused a golden hue to spread across the city, enriching all the colors which so delicately, yet deeply composed this new love of mine.

It is hard to pinpoint exactly why I fell so hard and fast for this Scottish city I knew so little about before I arrived. Just like any other relationship, there was not one specific thing that made me love Edinburgh. It was a combination of many aspects and a feeling that just can’t be described. The second I entered its midst, I knew. I knew we were meant for each other. As these thoughts of my weekend whirlwind romance swirled in my head, I walked off down the Royal Mile, knowing I would be back again someday, and not just for short vacation. I could never just say goodbye and walk away from Edinburgh forever, as if it were a one time, passionate affair. It was more than that. It was true love, and who would ever turn their back on true love?

Winter is on my list...

2008-01-18T21:34:00.000-05:00

I hate the snow. Hate hate hate the snow. I only like it when I have no where to be, and I'm safe at home with a large supply of hot cocoa. But seeing as I continue to grow up, despite my resistance, there are NO moments when I have nothing to do. There's always somewhere for me to be or something I need to do. The snow likes to come along and throw a hitch in my plans every so often. It usually strikes when I've worked hard all week long, spurred along solely by the thought of getting away for the weekend to see friends and have some fun. Then BAM! Snowstorm. 10 percent chance my a**, weatherman! Flurries. Right. Sure. Why do I continually trust these idiots when they always let me down? It's like an abusive, dishonest relationship that I just can't get out of. Break up. Get back together. Break up. Get back together. The weather is lying, cheating scum. Evil whore.

Anyways...my plans of going to Greeley, roaming the local haunts, seeing friendly faces, helping Shelbs drink a case of Bulmers and enjoying 99 cent Sangria Swirls at Coyote's has been put off until next weekend. Maybe. The snow will probably come full of spite and fury once again. Sigh.

Goth.

2008-01-15T19:00:00.000-05:00

Here's an old paper from one of my sophomore year English classes. I really enjoy this piece because it deals with one of my favorite literary genres: Gothicism. I also like this piece because I got a 100% on it and wrote it on my friend Beau's laptop while traveling in his car to Arvada :) Not too shabby. So for you literary folks, I hope you enjoy. For everyone else, think of it as a bit of culture and intellectualism to add to the right side of your brain.

The Cask of Amontillado as a True Piece of Gothic Literature

History has always been filled with new movements and ideas. As the winds of change blow, innovation is born. Such movements and theories include the enlightenment, impressionism, and existentialism. One of the main movements, especially in the realm of literature, is romanticism. In the 18^th and 19^th centuries, Gothicism branched out of the romantic ways of thought. That which was Gothic was seen as crossing cultural boundaries, exaggerated, crude and full of excess (Punter and Byron 7). Accordingly, Gothic literature features the transgression of cultural norms, a theme of excess and exotic stock qualities. Gothic literature grew increasingly popular, especially with authors such as William Blake, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, and Percy Bysshe Shelley (16). Edgar Allan Poe was an American author whose poems and stories often included Gothic ideals. Many of his works deal with the macabre. His short story, The Cask of Amontillado is a perfect example of a piece of Gothic literature. This can be proven by pinpointing how it follows the aforementioned guidelines. Poe’s The Cask of Amontillado includes evidence of pushing social boundaries, a lack of normal proportions, and use of supernatural traits, thus making it a true work of Gothic literature.

Crossing cultural boundaries can be achieved in a variety of ways. In the Gothic tradition, this is usually done through compromising of morals, extreme violence, or sexually explicit material. The transgression of social norms in The Cask of Amontillado is most readily seen in Montresor’s plan for revenge against Fortunato. It is quite violent and looked down upon, morally speaking. Montresor chains his “friend” to a wall, bricks him in, and leaves him there to die. He has basically buried him alive. This is shocking and makes the reader feel very uncomfortable, thus achieving the first guideline of Gothic literature, crossing a social boundary. Montresor’s actions are not socially normal or accepted. This is only magnified by the fact that the reader doesn’t know the entirety of Montresor’s reasons for revenge. Fortunato’s offences are not explained. The only mention of Fortunato’s wrong doings comes at the very start of the story: “The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as best I could; but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge.” This is the only insight given into Fortunato’s previous actions towards Montresor. Therefore, the reader does not know if Fortunato’s grotesque death is even deserved. An ambiguous sense of justice is instilled in the reader. This goes beyond the social norm because society likes to know that justice is being served, which is not clear cut in the story. Another way Poe crosses a cultural line is with the repeated lies and deceptions Montresor uses to lure Fortunato down to his eternal resting spot. He does this using an abundance of false flattery and irony. He also calls Fortunato his friend, which he obviously is not. The Cask of Amontillado sufficiently covers the first guideline of Gothic literature. It breaks down social norms, and just as obvious is Poe’s use of excess throughout the story.

A theme of excess is the most important element of a piece of Gothic literature. This can also be described as an obsessive nature belonging to one of the characters. In Poe the theme of excess is easy to pick out because he uses repetition. In Punter and Byron’s book, The Gothic, they delve into this style of Poe’s:

In Poe, things constantly return; but whether they return from an outer world or because they have never been banished from unconscious depths of the psyche remains a problem which is irresolvable, and the very brevity of the tales serves to reinforce the fundamental impossibility of answering such a question. (Punter and Byron 156)

This shows that Poe is an expert when it comes to the theme of excess. The Cask of Amontillado follows suit. The obsessive nature in this case obviously belongs to Montresor. He is consumed by revenge and his plot to murder Fortunato. He goes to a lot of trouble in planning the whole incident. He takes care of getting rid of his house staff. He makes sure to bring a disguise. He knows exactly how to play on Fortunato’s conceited nature. He knows precisely where to go in the catacombs. He knows just how far to go with Fortunato and how to gain his trust. He brings the supplies he needs to brick Fortunato in. He covers every detail. It is his main goal. He doesn’t even think twice about the ramifications of his actions. He will not give up until he has gotten the revenge he has been obsessed with achieving for so long. All of Montresor’s focus goes towards vengeance. Just as Montresor is consumed with revenge, so the story runs rampant with abnormal proportions and exotic stock qualities.

Gothic literature is known for its supernatural qualities. Dark settings such as graveyards or isolated areas are included in these stock characteristics. Also prevalent is exotic or other-worldly intervention. The Cask of Amontillado incorporates an assortment of such eerie attributes. The majority of the action takes place in dark, dingy, musty catacombs. This is a very isolated and macabre location. It is carnival time when the story takes place, giving off an air of mystery and disguise. The end result for Fortunato is death, which is a dreary topic. The fact that he is buried alive makes it even more shocking and gruesome. As far as intervention goes, this is seen at the end of the story. All along Montresor is set in his ways. He is resolved in punishing Fortunato “with impunity”. Then after committing his crime and realizing that Fortunato truly is dead, he comments that his heart grew sick. However, he blames this feeling on the catacombs. Though, it is obvious that there is regret in his heart. Even after all of his planning, he forgot to think about the ramifications of his actions. The Gothic once again points out Poe’s utilization of these mystical stock traits:

In Poe, then, the Gothic setting – the castle, the monastery, even the (and perhaps especially) the tomb – is taken through another turn of the screw; his stories may be redolent of, to take a major example, an uncanny fear of premature burial, but the question of whether such a fear has any relation to the world outside the psyche is left hanging. (Punter and Byron 156).

Edgar Allan Poe’s The Cask of Amontillado is a true piece of Gothic literature. It falls into this category perfectly due to the fact that it meets all of the guidelines which are used in creating Gothic works. These criteria are crossing of cultural lines, a theme of excess, and use of exotic characteristics. Poe incorporates all of these rules into this work flawlessly. He writes about vengeance, a character consumed by a plot of murder, and isolated catacombs. The Cask of Amontillado embodies the ideals of the Gothic way of thought and the larger movement of romanticism. With main themes of revenge and a grotesque death, this short story of Poe’s is a perfect example of Gothic literature.

Works Cited

Punter, David, and Glennis Byron. The Gothic. Oxford: Blackwell Publishing, 2004.

Hot for Teacher

2008-01-13T23:33:00.000-05:00

Wow. It's been a lot longer than I thought. Let's just say that last semester was the semester from the pits of Hades...and I barely survived, let alone had time to write a blog. But it is all over now, and I only have one more semester left of college. It's only taken five years :) Okay, not the typical four, but I went to Ireland and probably had a lot more fun than those four year losers. Right? Of course right.

This semester I'm student teaching at a high school in Colorado Springs. Last week was my first week and it went well. It was definitely overwhelming and a bit intimidating, but I stepped in, smiled and tried to make a good first impression. I think it will be a challenging semester, but also a great experience. At this point I still don't think I want to teach right away. I'm looking at trying a career in casting, which means moving to Chicago or NYC. So, this semester should be the straw that either breaks the camel's back or changes my mind. To teach or not to teach, that is the question. It's a difficult one. Man, this growing up thing sucks. I finally am at the point where I have to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I'm torn. This semester will be one of growth, decisions, and trying to find God's will for my life.

I would love to write more at this juncture, but I need to go to bed. It's the start of week two tomorrow, which means a very early wake up. I might start posting old musings and creative writing pieces to fill some space and entertain anyone still reading this (Chris and my parents).

More to come in the student teaching saga of Miss Taylor (or Miss Tay-Tay as one of my students has already deemed me).

I Am the Walrus

2007-10-24T17:06:00.000-04:00

coo-coo-c-achoo.

Hey world. I'm still alive and kickin'! My life has still been crazy insane, but I guess I'm getting more used to it or something, because it's fairly bearable, and I've found time to squeeze in some enjoyable moments.

First of all, how about those Rockies?!?! World series?!?!? Rockies?!?!? WHAT??? It still doesn't make sense in my head, but I am so freakin' excited! I love those boys. Especially little Kaz Matsui. He's my fav. He's so little, but such a kickass player! And he looks strangely like John Leguizamo. A John Leguizamo who can't speak English, of course. So good luck to the Rockies! Show those Red Sox who's boss.

Secondly, I spent last weekend in Denver, which was grand. I saw Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D which was soooooo much fun! It's one of my favorite movies, so seeing it on the big screen was fantastic. Jack, Sally, Burton. Love it. Chris and I also went the the Hellogoodbye concert. It was a good time - except I hate how popular they've gotten :( The last time I saw them was at a tiny venue. It was so intimate and just much more fun. Oh, well. They're still adorable. And I also learned that the Japanese have a weird definition for music. A Japanese band was one of the openers...and they were...interesting. I think it was one of the weirdest experiences of my life. And also bestowed upon me a throbbing headache. I recommend staying far far away from Japanese bands. Especially if they are wearing orange jumpsuits and whistles.

And finally - but most importantly - ACROSS THE UNIVERSE makes my life. I love it. I've seen it three times, own the deluxe edition soundtrack and can't get enough of it! It's like Moulin Rouge except a thousand times better - which I didn't think possible! I highly recommend it. It's superb. Even Bono is bearable. I constantly have a Beatles song stuck in my head, but that's just fine with me. The movie has also given me a new favorite celebrity to obsess over ;) : Jim Sturgess - the Englishman who plays Jude, is quite a cutie-pie and has a glorious voice. Even Chris has admitted that Jim Sturgess is his new "Man Crush"...Criss Angel has been replaced. Hee, hee.

That's it for now. I need to start immersing myself in Halloween now. Pumpkins to carve, costumes to finalize, parties to attend :) I'm excited. Chris and I are being Batman and Robin for halloween. Creative, heh? If you get it. Lots of people don't for some reason. I think it's hilarious. Just think about it...maybe you'll understand too.

breathe...

2007-09-28T23:02:00.000-04:00

It's been a while. A long while. But here I am on a Friday night with a few spare moments...I could be doing homework. I should be doing homework, but it's Friday. And I need a break. So instead of working on my final ground plan for my one act, my photo project for my educational technology class, my teacher education program portfolio, either of my two prompt books, or my paperwork for my workshop in directing class...I'm going to grab a Woodchuck cider and write a blog. I need a moment for ME. I need to breathe.

This semester has been by far the most stressful, busy semester of my college career, what with 90 observation hours at a local high school (where I have to teach 5 lessons), taking workshop in directing - meaning rehearsals, directing a one act - meaning more responsibility and even more rehearsals, gearing up for student teaching, jumping through the many education department hoops, and taking other classes. My free time is limited. I just hope I survive...successfully, not just barely.

Despite the early mornings and late nights, I am enjoying this much more "hands-on" semester, both on the teaching and directing side. Many of the theatre kids at the high school know me quite well. It's SO weird being called "Miss Taylor". I can't get used to it. Today when a bunch of the students walked into class they greeted me with a smile and a "Hi, Miss Taylor!". One of them even asked if I was going to student teach there next semester. It's nice to be liked...I feel like I'm doing something right. At least I hope so. It's been really good for me, because the education program has had me so discouraged and dreading the thought of teaching - but my field experience this semester is instilling me with some hope again.

I'm going to be student teaching in Colorado Springs in the Spring. It's going to be weird moving back home. Not bad weird...just different. I love my family and I'm excited to spend a little more time with them before graduating and moving on into the "real world". It'll be like returning to my childhood for one last time...before I have to be a real grown up. Scary. I don't know if I'm ready for that...but it's inevitable.

I'm also enjoying directing a one act, even though it's a hella lot of work. I've had a few rehearsals and things are coming along. My cast is brilliant and they somehow always make me laugh, even though my one act is severely disturbing and intense. But come on: A pedophile serial killer, psychologist, and a mother of a murdered child...sounds like my kind of thing, no? I mean I have enough serial killer books, I should know enough about the subject. And I gave my one act professor three choices, and FROZEN was the one she wanted me to do. So here I am - attempting to do it some justice. It's a challenge...but I welcome it. All of you should come see it!!! UNC - November 28th and December 1st...Norton theatre!

So that's my life right now in a nutshell. Tonight I plan on hanging out with some friends, relaxing a bit, enjoying myself...and then tomorrow it's back to the grindstone. Again. Sigh.

I've Seen Better Days

2007-07-08T19:10:00.000-04:00

The past three days have been...exhausting, devastating, unbelievable, ironic...pretty much just the epitome of awful.

I thought I was going to have to open at work on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. That was bad enough. Throw in some school assignments and the sweltering heat, and altogether I was forecasting a very blah weekend. Oh what I wouldn't give to have gone through THAT weekend. NOT the one I actually went through.

Thursday night, after a 6 1/2 hour work shift, Chris and I decided to go to dinner. We went to Biaggi's. it's an Italian restaurant I'm assuming a number of you have been to or at least heard of. It's nice. It's pricey. It was good. I was so incredibly full I thought I was going to burst....little did I know what was to come.

I woke up around 11:50 feeling extremely nauseous. I ran to the bathroom just in case something was to happen...and it did. A lot. And violently. I was worshipping the porcelain god for three hours before I could even stand on my feet and muster up any sort of energy to go the hospital. There was NOTHING left in my body. Chris said I had gone completely white and I was sure I was going to pass out. But by the grace of God I made it to the hospital somehow before that took place. In the ER they asked if I could give them a urine sample I snickered out a no. They then took blood samples from one arm and hooked me up to an IV of fluids, nausea medicine and morphine in the other - rendering me to look somewhat like a heroin addict now. The morphine made me go in and out for the next two hours whilst they processed my blood samples and got me all hydrated. Needless to say I did not open the store on Friday...seeing as I didn't even get home from the hospital until when I would have to be there.

I spent Friday in bed. Doing nothing. Drinking fluids and back on the liquid diet I know oh so well. I worked 7am -3pm on Saturday out of the kindness of a fellow worker's heart, who decided I was still in no condition to open. I love nursing majors :) After work I did some homework, ate some dinner, then meandered over to Chris' air conditioned apartment and fell asleep watching Seinfeld episodes while he was at work. I'm so glad I fell asleep there. But I wasn't so happy with what I woke up to.

3:50am comes early. Too early when you listen to a voicemail from your roommate telling you that your house was broken into the night before and your stuff has been stolen. To add insult to injury, I had to go to work! I couldn't go deal with the situation and see what the damage was, I had to go to work for 8 1/2 hours and just dwell on the thought that I had been robbed. Of what? I don't know? Who did it? Why? When? How? WHY?!?!?

Thank the Lord for Chris. He went to my house at 4:15 am and looked over things, talked to the roomies, and tried to sort things out the best he could. He's a lifesaver. I would be a total wreck without him.

However, I now have a pile of BS to deal with - plus I'm just royally pissed that my stuff got stolen! My laptop. My digital camera. My PS2. PS2 games. My backpack with stuff in it. And other random stuff. Although the thieves were kind enough to leave my meteorology book that was in my backpack on the front porch. Thanks. Although they were stupid thieves and could've done much more damage. So i should be thankful for that. And I'm so so so thankful I wasn't there when it happened - which seems to have been right after I left. Who knows what would have happened? It all still just sucks though. A lot. I feel violated. And unsafe. And angry. And frustrated.

So, I shall be dealing with cops, landlords, insurance people, roommates, and trying to find a new place to live. I know that may seem drastic...but I don't feel safe there anymore. It's not my personal space like it once was. So I shall be staying at Chris' for the time being. If anyone knows someone who needs a place to live in Greeley from August through may let me know :) I'm confused. Overwhelmed. Ugh. I need a drink.

How I Spend My Days Off of Work

2007-06-21T23:42:00.000-04:00

So far this month, i worked a fourteen day stint at my little coffee shop, had one day off, worked six more, worked overtime, and have been getting up at 3:50am to open or staying until midnight to close. And whoever decided that I should work alone on two for one Mondays was not thinking things through very well at all. Oh well - I guess they like their employees exhausted, sleep deprived, malnourished, and bitter. Makes sense.

Needless to say, a little R&R was a must for this little worn down zombie barista shell of mine. So what do I decide to do on my four days in a row off?!?!

I got my wisdom teeth out today. All five of them. Yep. Five. I'm a freak like that. Just my luck, eh? All went well. Now I'm just subsisting off of non-chewable foods and Vicodin. And of course the TLC of the 'rents. There really is no place like home when you're sick. I definitely would not be feeling as well if I had to get this done in Greeley, and sweat off the pain in my hot, hot room, without the best nurse in the world...my mommy. Who else would make me chilled cucumber soup with anti-lump homemade mashed potatoes?

So here I am. My jaw feels like it's in a vice grip from biting down on gauze for like 6 hours today. My jaw hasn't had a work out like that in....ever. At least one part of my body is benefiting from this whole dealio. And whatever they put in my IV today to "relax" me and make me "happy" before knocking me out was glorious. I could for sure use some of that right now - and before going to work some days ;)

Speaking of teeth, guess who finally got that stupid, annoying, popcorn kernel and seed trap of a permanent retainer on her bottom teeth finally off???? That would be me :) (if you're part of my generation - or my mom - and have had braces, you know exactly what I'm talking about) Here's a little tip for you if you still have yours - and have had it for a while: Just break off part of it, and they'll just take it off! That's what happened to me. Orthodontists work in mysterious ways.

Since I have been on a blog hiatus here's what else is new-ish: I work too much. I start my summer class in a couple weeks (meteorology. joy.), Apey had her baby!!!! (Ethan Asher. SOOOOO cute. I can't wait to babysit), Chris' new apartment has air conditioning - it is glorious, I stayed a night at the Stanley Hotel (spooky), and Pirates is wonderful (I've only seen it twice so far though...aren't you all proud of me?!?).

That's all I can think of right now. Hopefully the drugs will kick in soon and I shall go to sleep...again. Ahhhhhhhh. And this is what I'll put up with just to get some much needed sleep and relaxation. I'll take it. For sure.

PS - I'm accepting gifts and visits to help me get bettter soon! Visits bearing gifts are preferred. Haha. Just kidding. Just gifts are fine. ;)

On the lack and want of sleep and money

2007-04-11T14:47:00.000-04:00

It's been a while...well, longer than a while. My spare moments have been few and rare. And the ones I do get are usually spent napping. I'm exhausted. Sigh.

A lot has been happening in my life. So much, that I haven't had the time to write about it. Let's see...I went to NYC for Spring Break with Chris. I had SO much fun! It was a blast. I'm definitely glad I decided to go. I got a new job - I'm barista-ing again :) But it's wearing me out. Having to be a t work at 4:30 am is ridiculous! No one should be wanting coffee at such a God forsaken hour. I'm working about 30 hours a week - plus taking a full load of classes, so I'm pretty worn down. It's amazing what an incentive money is though. Especially when I bring home a nice wad of cash thanks to tips every time I work. I'm averaging about 12 bucks an hour. Not to shabby for whipping up some lattes and mochas. It is lovely to have money once again...although the lack of sleep is getting to me. It seems that I must sacrifice one to have the other, unfortunately. Oh well - I keep telling myself, "only four more weeks of school! And then my schedule will let up quite a bit, and hopefully I'll have more time to sleep and have a social life once again". Nobody wants to hang out with the girl who goes to bed at 9 because she can't stay awake a second longer. I've become quite the party pooper. And it seems like I don't ever have time to do my homework either. I'm in a downward spiral...all for the want of money. Stupid money. It is the cause of self-decay.

On another note...my 22nd birthday is tomorrow! It's really not THAT exciting though, because nothing really happens when you turn 22. Nothing really happens from this point on actually. I'm just getting older now. 21 was the pinnacle of birthdays...it's just downhill from here. But I'm still gonna have a party...I think I need to let down my hair a bit. It's been too long. So that shall be remedied tomorrow. Although that means I get to spend today - a day off from work - cleaning my house...which is a disaster thanks to the messy boys that occupy this house. Sigh. Someone's gotta do it. And that someone is always me. The 'rents are coming up tomorrow to take me to lunch. That'll be nice. I haven't seen them in a while. I think my birthday will be quite lovely. Assuming all goes as planned.

Well - it's class time...then cleaning time...then staff meeting time...then more cleaning time...then jello shot making time??? perhaps. Then sleep time. THAT is my favorite time.

Fiddle-dee-dee

2007-03-14T00:18:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here awaiting Jason's call so I can work on this stupid lighting project...at 10:30 until who knows when on this Tuesday evening. Have have NO clue what I'm doing. So I figured I'd enlist a lighting kid to help me - problem is, theatre kids are always busy. So these sort of things have to be done late at night - since early in the morning is out of the question. I'm tired of watching Oxygen. Therefore, I figured if I'm going to procrastinate and put off my homework I might as well write a blog...since it has been a while.

Not much is new 'round these parts. I'm hating daylight savings time right now. That one little hour has completely destroyed my sleep pattern, and I have been exhausted ever since Sunday. I feel like I'm sleepy all the time. Of course, it doesn't help that Spring Break starts after my Essay class on friday. I have no motivation. My mind has already checked out and is far, far away. I hate that my brain always goes on Spring Break a week early. It makes the week before Spring Break torture. I have projects due...and I put them all off until the last minute. Oh well. That pattern has seemed to work out for me so far. I'll get it done. I always do. It just takes a lot of tooth pulling to get my started.

Speaking of tooth pulling...I felt something in the back of my mouth the other day, so I started tongueing it, thinking it was a seed or something. But, no. My wisdom tooth is coming in! It's breaking through the gums. Guess I should have had those taken out already. Oopsy-daisy. Guess I'll be doing THAT this summer. Lucky lucky me.

I went to the Lovedrug concert last night. It had been quite awhile since I went to a concert. And I adore Lovedrug. Their new album is fantastic and beautiful. And they played gorgeously...as always. They're so amazing live. Good times. Unfortunately, Plain White T's were the headliners...ew. But that meant we got to leave early and miss them....yay! Although I still didn't get enough sleep. 7:40am comes so early.

I really don't want to do this project. REALLY. Someone wanna do it for me? I'm also sick of reading Emily Dickinson poetry. I don't get it...or like it. Whatever. Three more days! I can do it! And then I will be off to the Big Apple! Yay! NYC is definitely worth this week of lots of work with no motivation. I can do it! I know I can! ...just not right now. I'll worry about it tomorrow :)

Flags

2007-02-09T15:27:00.000-05:00

Being a theatre major definitely has its pros and cons...like any major I'm sure. One of the biggest cons would probably be "Individual Performance", otherwise known as IP. It's a 2 credit "class" that every theatre major has to take. Being an Education Emphasis major, I have to take it 5 times. What it is, basically, is slave labor. The school has us pay money to work four hours a week in the shop or on a stage crew for the shows put on that semester. I have mandatorily offered my slave labor services to the electricians, the carpenters, the painters, the props people...and where ever else they sent me (like to the custome shop to sew a curtain...even though I have no idea how to sew). Good times.

My past three IP assignments have been better than the hand dealt to most though. I was an Assistant Stage Manager for our children's show last Spring, which was a wonderful learning experience...even though it was a lot of work and took up lots of time. Then last semester, Mary, my advisor, just gave me IP credit for taking any class I wanted to whilst over in Ireland. And this semester I was the dramaturg for Tracy's (the most laid-back professor in the department) show, Flags. Honestly, I didn't do...anything, really. I showed up to some rehearsals, offered my opinion here and there, took line notes. But just watching the directing and rehearsal process is extremely beneficial...since that'll be my job one day...hopefully.

So let me get to the point...anyone within the Colorado area should come see Flags! It opened last night and runs tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday and then next week the 13th through the 18th. It's a contemporary drama, with a strong Greek tragedy influence. It is one of the most intense, powerful shows I've ever seen. And I've watched it about a thousand times now, so I should know. And even though I've seen it so much already, I'm going to go see it tonight and next week. It is NOT a show for kids though, so don't bring them. It's a heavy subject matter, and there's a good deal of cursing, so get a babysitter.

So get your tickets and go see it!!!

Tickets:

For ticket information and to order by phone
call the New UNC Ticket Office at (970) 351-4TIX (351-4849).

Visit the UNC Ticket Office at:
http://www.unco.edu/tickets/

Location:
Lower level of the University Center, intersection of 10th Avenue and 20th Street

Hours:
Monday-Friday, 11:30 am-5:30 pm

Not the Same

2007-01-17T20:59:00.000-05:00

I was hoping that once school started back up again, and I got into the swing of things, life in the USofA would be just like the good old times. But it's not so. Everything seems so foreign and out of place to to me...still. It is good seeing friends and all that jazz. But it feels like so much has changed. Especially the social dynamics. Just walking into the theatre major meeting tonight was hard to deal with. It was like I was a freshman again...I knew pretty much NO ONE. It's so strange, and even more so when I compare it to previous years, where I sat with a HUGE group of people. It really is hard to explain I guess, that feeling of being out-of-place and having to come to grips with the fact that life here has moved on without me. It feels like I'm not welcome here anymore...at least not as I once was. I feel homeless.

Today in my essay class, we did a little 10 minute writing exercise: starting with "I remember..." and just writing from there. Here's what came to my mind right away...not a surprise:

I remember the moistness in the air and the clouds speeding along in the sky, a sign of the rain drops bound to fall in the afternoon. The breeze gently blows leaves along the corridor of trees, calming down my fast paced steps and causing me to slow. I soak in the sights around me. These buildings and colored doors which once seemed so unfamiliar are now my home and comfort. As Drumcondra turns into Dorset, my heartbeat quickens with the onset of memories. Numerous thoughts of this exact path, trod many times over the past three months, flood my mind. The places I've ate, stopped, shopped, fell down, dodged on-coming cars, cried, laughed, ran, complained, drank too many pints, and chatted with friends -old and new - are all laid out before me, etched on my life forever.

Empathy...Laid Bare

2006-12-30T01:35:00.000-05:00

I'm still reading Porno and I'm still loving it.

Spud finally got reintroduced, which means extreme Scottish dialect...it's a bit hard to read at first, but then I get into it. I really am enjoying it thoroughly. Especially the character of Nikki. I swear she's my alter ego. So many things she says I agree with, can relate to, or wish I could say too. The chapter entitled '...ugly...' really struck a chord with me. In case ya'll haven't realized it...which I'm sure you have if you've known me for any amount of time...I am extremely insecure about my body and have always struggled with my weight. Always. And still am. It sucks. Therefore, my self-esteem regarding my body image is...lacking...severely. Always has been. But, as I was reading this, I completely understood. Made me feel good to know at least Irvine Welsh knows what goes through a girl's head. Well, my head at least.

Here's some bits and pieces...

"...I sneer at my image in the mirror. I'm looking at my naked body and then at the model in the magazine, holding it up trying to scale it to my size in the mind's eye, comparing the shape and curves. There's no way mine is as perfect as hers. My breasts are too small. I will never be in the magazine, cause I'm not magazine material, I don't look like her."
"My mascara's running with tears, and why am I crying? Cause I'm going nowhere, that's why."
"So here I am, and I know what I'm doing. I know I'm constantly fighting off negative images of perfection showered on me by a media I'm totally obsessed with. And I know that the more men are turned on by me, the more I have to compare myself to others."
"...gaping at all those bodies; obdurately scanning the airbrushed perfection of them all, until one of them, just one, induces a hateful self-loathing that I'll never be like that, never look like that."
"...and he doesn't want me, who does he think he is, he should be pleased that a gorgeous girl...no, an UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY GIRL, A...REPULSIVE WHORE..."
"It's Lauren. Little, stupid, slight, beautiful Lauren..."

So there ya go. My thoughts via my literary alter ego's words. A little glimpse into my mind.

Let it snow! ...Nevermind. I take it back.

2006-12-22T16:58:00.000-05:00

For those of you living under a rock...or on a different continent...us Coloradans are dealing with the effects of "Blizzard 2006". My car was buried half way under snow, the airports were closed, and pretty much everyone I know was snowed in. But, the sun is out, FINALLY and the snow has stopped. A very cute boy dug out my car for me and I will be heading home to C-springs in the morning to spend Christmas with the fam.

The past couple of days have been interesting. Most of my time has been spent stranded in my house here in Greeley. Good thing I like my house and the boys bought a 52 inch flat screen tv whilst I was in Ireland, so that made being snowed in much more entertaining. PLUS my adorable boyfriend lives across the alley from me, so having him a 2 minute knee-deep trudge through the snow away was nice. Before the storm hit, I got to go to dinner (mexican food and margaritas!!!) with some faces I've missed greatly: Apey, Nicole and Mike. AND I got to see Trisha, get coffee with her, and harass one of our old fav customers, Radio Shack Eric. Good times. Yesterday Mike came and rescued me from my house and took me to his place where me, Sam and Mike had adult peppermint hot chocolate and watched Love Actually. It was precious :) I am glad I came up. For sure. I needed a post-Ireland pick me up. The biggest smile brought to my face was thanks to oh, the best boyfriend around. We did our little Christmas last night and it was spectacular! He made me dinner!!! And it was delicious. And so thoughtful. There were candles ALL around the house and...it was just perfect. Everything about it. Sigh.

So. Being back is weird. I've had a couple emotional breakdowns...won't lie. I think the hardest part is that no one really understands. I know they want to sympathize and make me happy - but it's just hard to explain why being back is so strange and difficult to deal with. I talk with Shelbs at least once a day, 'cause she's going through the exact same thing. We both just wanna run away back to Eire. Or Scotland. Either would do. Being back just really wasn't like I hoped it would be. My life has changed 180 degrees from what it was in Ireland. I want to go back. I do. C'est la vie. I'm sure I'll get used to things once I get back into school and work and such. But for the time being...getting adjusted to American life again is SO effing hard!!!

I miss everyone from this past semester tons already! Especially Sheena, Linz, Pena, Antoine and Paul. The last night in Ireland, I was a wreck. I don't think I've cried so much or so hard in a LONNNNNNNGGGGGG time. I was so pathetic. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done though - saying goodbye to all of the people I've been living, traveling, partying, and hanging out with for the past three months. I had to say goodbye, not knowing for sure if I'll ever see them again. And the thought of not seeing some of those people ever again tears me up inside. They're my friends now. I don't know...it just sucks...a whole heck of a lot.

So there ya go. That's my life as I know it as of late. I'm ready to quit feeling crappy. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. I'm excited to spend Christmas with my family. I'm...just being me. That's all I can be.

Manufacturing Zzzzz's

2006-12-15T23:42:00.000-05:00

That's a reference to Everything is Illuminated, if any of you have read the book...

And it's what I'm planning on doing about NOW.

I just got back from Ireland late last night, and I'm still feeling the effects of jet lag. Severely. So once I get back into the swing of things and my body is back to it's normal state I shall write a longer blog...there's a lot to say about my last days in Eire, overall feelings, and what it's like being back.

Just wanted to say I've returned. I'm alive. Wahoo! I'll be in the Springs through Sunday, up to Greeley on Monday, and back down for the holidays, when my bro arrives, on the 22nd.

Hope to see or chat with you all soon. Send me a line or give me a ring.

Cheers!

Starting to Wind Down

2006-12-07T11:24:00.000-05:00

I'm reading yet another new book. I've read more books while here in Ireland than I usually read in a couple years. It's amazing the effect not having a TV in your room has upon your habits. So, I'm reading Irvine Welsh's Porno at the moment. I know what you're thinking...and no, it's not that kind of book. It's just a novel and the sequel to Trainspotting. I'm only on chapter four, and I've fallen in love with about 20 lines in the book. Irvine Welsh is a brilliant writer. His characters are so raw and real, and they say things that I TOTALLY relate to...even if Sickboy is a drugged out, pimping, poor, drunk, womanizing Scot...I can still somehow relate. Just thought I'd share my feelings on the book. :)

In other news...not all that much has been happening here on the little gorgeously green island. Mainly because upon returning from Scotland, I spent the following week sick with an EVIL cold that 80% of the International students were trying to fight off. I got so scared that it was a mono relapse...but thank the Lord, it wasn't :) I still have this disgusting croupy cough. Let's hope that clears up before I leave for the States...which is what I will be doing this time next week. I will have already been on my journey home for about 4 hours...weird thought, eh? BUT, I have one final hurrah this weekend: LONDON, BABY! I'm so so so excited! I leave tomorrow and get back Monday morning...leaving me a few days to pack, say goodbyes, and spend my last nights in Dublin. But London will be grand. Everyone only has good things to say. It will be a blast...especially since I'm going with Lindsey. Our Scotland trip was lovely - I have no doubt this will be the same.

Not much else to say really. I'm ready to go to London, have a few more days in Ireland and then come home. I'm SO ready to come home. I miss my friends and family. Less than a week now...and I'll "be back a mile above..."

A Weekend in Scotland

2006-11-28T12:41:00.000-05:00

Despite getting my face wash and unopened contact solution thrown away, coming close to having sleep on the street for a night, dealing with a taxi forgetting to pick us up, a complete lack of sleep, and stepping out of the top bunk of a bunk bed (forgetting I was on the top) resulting in a huge bump and bruise on my knee...dot,dot,dot...

This past weekend was the best weekend of my life.

Scotland is amazing. Well, to be more specific, Edinburgh is amazing. It is the best city I have ever been to. Never before have I fallen in love with a place so hard, so fast. The moment I stepped off the train from Glasgow to Edinburgh and walked outside, I KNEW I was in a wonderful place. I've never ever had such an instant, overwhelming feeling of being in complete like with a city like that before. Everything about it just made me feel good. Cafes everywhere...unlike Dublin, where coffee shops are rarer than you'd think. The Scottish accent is the most gorgeous sound in the world - man or woman. I love the Gothic architecture and the culture the city is steeped in. It's the Jekyll and Hyde city: full of good, but with a very dark past that is very much alive. Ghosts, witches, torture, body-snatching, serial killers: all main topics of Edinburgh history...right down my alley. Great pubs and clubs, awesome shopping, beautiful architecture, great location of things, wonderful landscape, LOTS of stairs and closes (which means a great way to stay in shape!), lots of young people...the list goes on and on. I don't really think I can put into words exactly why Edinburgh struck such a good chord with me. It just did. And I could really see myself being there for an extended period. A month, a year, a long while...I don't know. But I definitely see myself going back for longer than just a weekend. LOVED it!!! I say you MUST visit.

I went with Lindsey (one of the exchange students at St. Pat's from California) and we had a grand time! After flying into Glasgow Prestwick, doing some trainspotting of our own to get into the Glasgow City Center, settling our accommodations for the weekend, and grabbing some good old Burger King, we headed on a train to Edinburgh. I think we both said "I love Scotland" within 5 minutes of getting into Edinburgh. After visiting the tourist center, we meandered around the town a bit. Got acquainted with our surroundings, went to a museum, and happened upon Greyfiar's Cemetery...which is the COOLEST cemetery I've EVER seen! And is the location of one of the most haunted spots in the world. It just so happens there's a nightly tour of this area. After seeing the cemetery we were sold and booked our spots on the tour. Before going on our ghostly tour, we checked into our hostel, where I was convinced that this trip was heaven-sent: we were placed in the Trainspotting room! CRAZY! I was in the bunk titled "Sickboy" :) Could this trip be any more perfect?!?! I don't think so...

The City of the Dead tour. I don't think I've ever been so scared. Ever. Even though nothing really happened. If you ever watch the Travel Channel or A&E or one of those kind of channels, you've probably seen something on the place in Greyfriar's Cemetery we went to, cause I remember seeing something about it once. And as I said it is the most haunted place in Great Britain and probably the entire world. Since the tour started 7 years ago, there have been over 700 physical attacks by the McKenzie poltergeist, a priest has died after attempting an exorcism and numerous other strange incidents have occurred. The haunted place in the cemetery is called the Black Mausoleum and is located in the Covenanter's Prison section (the first known concentration camp in history). The tour was informative and entertaining...and going into the Black Mausoleum was absolutely frightening. So is it haunted? I don't know. But I know I was scared...very scared. And it didn't feel good being in there. Go and decide for yourself. It was a good time.

Saturday was a busy day. Lindsey and I saw A LOT of stuff in a little amount of time: Scotch Whisky Tour (yay for Whisky at 11am!), Camera Obscura (a visually intriguing museum), and got a picture with a VERY Mel Gibson-esque William Wallace (ya know, that Braveheart guy). We then went to Edinburgh Dungeon - a haunted house type attraction that's based upon Edinburgh's dark history. It was quite amusing...and I screamed a lot and Lindsey and I held each other throughout the majority of the rooms. You start in an Edinburgh court. I was the first of three lucky people in the crowd to get picked to come up to the stand and go on trial. Thrilling. Lucky me. It was a wee bit embarrassing. I was on trial for being a witch apparently. The actor playing the judge was very tongue and cheek though...it was funny. Then we got put in this labyrinth that took forever to try and find the way out. We learned about torture devices, ran through a burning Edinburgh to a cemetery, watched an autopsy, took a boat ride to escape the Scottish Vampiresses (where Lindsey and I were deemed the human shields for the rest of the group), and met up with a cannibal. Good, light-hearted fun :)

Linz and I took a tour of the underground vaults, where people lived, worked, drank, buried people, stashed bodies they'd stolen, and it is another paranormal hotspot. Surprise Surprise. It was extremely cool though, going deep below the busy city and seeing how the various tunnels and rooms fit into Edinburgh's history. After a late lunch/early dinner and hot chocolate at Chocolate Soup (it's like the Mecca for chocolate lovers), we joined yet ANOTHER tour: The Cadies and Witchery Murder and Mystery Tour. This tour takes you around the closes, Royal Mile, and the Cow Gate at night, once again filling the spectators with more historical information regarding Edinburgh's dark past. Except this time, it's funny. I laughed so much. The tour guide and his sidekick were extremely amusing. If you're not into being scared out of your mind, I'd recommend this one. I had a blast.

After a MUCH needed shower, us girls went out into the Edinburgh nightlife...which was hoppin' since there was a HUGE Australia vs. Scotland rugby match that day. We went down to Grassmarket Street, where there are numerous pubs and clubs (and where the majority of hangings used to take place). I had tons of fun! We went to two pubs, and then a club which some Scots we befriended took us to. Gosh it was so so so so fun! Love it!

We left for Glasgow Sunday morning after buying mini-kilts and eating a traditional Scottish breakfast. I even tried haggis! It's actually not bad...just very rich and spicy. So any culture who can make THAT taste good gets my respect. I was sad to leave Edinburgh. Genuinely sad...even though I was only there for two days. Glasgow was not NEARLY as wonderful...at all. I miss Edinburgh already :( But we did the little bus tour of Glasgow, which was alright. And then we got on a bus to Prestwick, the town where the airport is, since we had a 6:50am departure. Our bed and breakfast was ADORABLE and we had real food at a restaurant down the street...for cheap! It was lovely. And then Linz and I passed out, since we hadn't really slept in 3 days. Got up. Left Scotland. And now I am back in Ireland.

So... This weekend was my favorite thing I've done over these past three months...and ever. I'm in love with a city...and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

So, anyone wanna move to Edinburgh with me???

Happy Turkey Day!

2006-11-22T08:34:00.000-05:00

In case I don't get the chance tomorrow...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

I miss you all so much. I wish I could be home with my family tomorrow. It'll be my first Thanksgiving away from home. It's very strange. Let's pray it all goes smoothly here, and we show all the international kids how we celebrate in America! I bet they'll fall in love with it...at least all the food...and want to celebrate every year from here on out! Haha. We shall see. I think we may even make them do a Thanksgiving craft. It'll be amusing.

So...have a wonderful holiday everyone...family, friends, all the people I love!!! Relax, have fun, eat lots of turkey and pumpkin pie and know that you are on my mind. I thank God so much for the family and friends he's given me and the amazing life he's blessed me with.

I love you! ALL of you! Happy Thanksgiving!

...and after thanksgiving dinner, let the Christmas music begin! Woo-hoo!

Papers. Thanksgiving. Trips. OH MY!

2006-11-21T08:45:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile...again.

I'm stressed. And feeling a touch of homesickness setting in. And stressed.

Papers. Thanksgiving. People. Trips. Time's running out. It's all beginning to weigh down on me. 3 1/2 more weeks. I can do it. Hopefully.

I will miss Dublin though. It's become my home. And I do like it here. I really do. A bunch of us went on a little weekend trip to Belfast, and I'm SO glad I get to live in Dublin. Belfast was so different. It didn't even feel like I was anywhere near Ireland anymore. The feeling in the air was...strange. I don't even know how to explain it. And there are Union Jack's everywhere. And I had to convert my money to the stupid pound! Oh well - now at least I have some left over for my Scotland trip this weekend. That's right...Scotland! Lindsey, from Cali, and I are flying into Glasgow Friday morning, busing or railing to Edinburgh and then coming back to Glasgow for an early Monday morning flight back to Dublin. I'm excited! It should be grand...and who knows...perhaps I'll bump into Mr. Ewan McGregor. :)

I still want to make a little trip to Germany, Auschwitz and Prague next week as well. I REALLY hope it works out. It would be way cheap and a once in a lifetime kind of experience, ya know? We shall see. AND I'm hoping to do a little weekend trip to London as well. I'm kind of bummed that I won't be able to go to Cork and Blarney. No kissing the Blarney stone for me. Sad day. It's just hard to fit everything in. But I've made my way around a good deal of Ireland. Immersed myself in the culture. Made friends from all over the world. So I really can't complain. And I want to come back again someday...so there's always another time to visit more of my home away from home. I don't think I could NOT come back. So I guess I should start saving up for my return visit.

I also really hope that my new found international friends come visit me too! ...and that I get a chance to visit them as well. It seems fairly certain that Paul is going to come visit in the summer - and we'll go to Vegas, Texas and Mexico together! I'm quite excited to show the Irish lad REAL Americana.

I miss my friends in Colorado. I miss my family. But I know I'm going to miss Ireland and the people as well - so I'm going to try to enjoy my time here. Although writing essays puts a wee bit of a damper on that ;) I have one mostly done...and another one to write...all before the 7th of December. Oh well. I just have to get a C or better, since Study Abroad classes are Pass/Fail...not a letter grade. Hallelujah!

Planning Thanksgiving has been a bit of a headache. But it's getting sorted bit by bit. I think it will all come together. Maybe. Fingers crossed. Sigh.

Ok...FINAL NOTICE. PLEASE put in your requests of what you would like from Ireland and/or wherever else I go!!! OK!?! I need to know! And just f.y.i ...it'll be doubling as a Christmas present :) I'm poor...and Ireland is extremely expensive. LOVE YOU ALL! Cheers!

PS:

Thank you for the card mom! It totally brightened my day. You have no idea how wonderful it is to get mail from the people you love.

Thank you for calming me down and caring so much. Yes...YOU. The song was beautiful. I love it. I can't wait to receive my own copy to listen to whenever I desire...which will be pretty much all the time.

Gee, I'm a lucky girl.

Vacation From My "Vacation"

2006-11-02T13:27:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone! ...if anyone is still reading this that is. I know Antoine is :) Since he now has my blog address. Lucky you, Antoine. Isn't my blog oh so thrilling??? I know it's not. It's ok. You really don't have to read it ;)

Things are going alright over here across the Atlantic, on the little island I now call home. I've been traveling a bit around Ireland. But I spend most of my time in Dublin. I finally know my way around for the most part. I feel more at home here each day. I really do like Ireland. And I am going to miss it. Although, I will definitely be ready to go home. It is a beautiful country, though. Last weekend the American kids went to Galway on the west coast. It was GORGEOUS. My favorite part, besides the adorable bed and breakfast we stayed in, were the Cliffs of Moher. And we went on a perfect day. It was so so so so beautiful and awe-inspiring. I would recommend trying to make it there sometime.

I have no lectures at all this week due to the holiday (Halloween). Sean, Shelbi and Sheena went on a little European trip to Rome, Paris, Brussels and Amsterdam, and they'll be returning tomorrow. Mike came to see Molls and they left Monday for a Euro-trip as well. And Lindsey, from Cali, is with her sister in Galway. Therefore, I am pretty much the only remaining American. I opted not to do traveling right now since I'm trying to save some money so I can go to Hungary and the Czech Republic(and wherever else in Eastern Europe) at the end of November with Shelbi. AND I decided to stick around because I had a visitor :)

Mr. Chris Jones came in on Saturday morning. On the same flight as Mike and Lindsey's sister actually. I was so focused on the door where the arrivals come in that I didn't notice he was standing right in front of me. Haha. I'm an idiot. It was so wonderful to see a familiar face. It made life about a million times better in one instant. It was fun (attempting) to show him around my city. We didn't do too much Saturday. We got an Irish breakfast at one of my favorite pubs in the City Center. Walked to town from my school. Meandered down Henry Street and the Temple Bar area. We found the hotel and checked in. It was a very swanky hotel. Us little college kids didn't fit in AT ALL...but that made it more fun :) The room was gorgeous and it was so nice to be somewhere with a comfy bed (with an actual mattress). One of the first things we did upon arriving at the hotel was drink a pint in the bar...since Chris can drink here! Yay! And I introduced him to the sweet nectar of the gods: cider. Another cider addict has been born. We went out that night with Mike, Molly, Lindsey, her sis, her Australian cousin, Pena (from Finland), and Nikki (from Hungary). It was a very enjoyable night. Even though it was still so extremely surreal for Chris to be there...in a pub...with me...in Ireland. Crazy. Wonderful. Perfection.

Sunday Me, Chris, Mike, Molls and Alex & Peter (Poland) all went to Glendalough. It's a little medieval, monastic town in County Wicklow. It was VERY scenic and beautiful and all that jazz. It was good to just be with Chris for awhile. Not really doing anything, except wandering around. Just spending time together. That part was good. When we got back to Dublin, we grabbed some fish 'n chips, went to the hotel and crashed.

Monday was spent sleeping in...hallelujah. Eventually we made it into the City Center. After buying some books, I took Chris to see Trinity, Dublin Castle and Christ's Church. I think that's it...yeah. I suck at planning stuff. There was a lot of "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it" going on. There's just SO MUCH to see, it's hard to pick and choose. I tried though. (If you're reading this Chris, I hope your trip didn't suck too much. I'm a bad tour guide). That night, we went to the Cat and the Cage (the pub across from my school) with Lindsey, her sis, Pena, Danny, and Paul. Paul and Chris are VERY similar in their personalities and sense of humor. So I knew they'd either hate or love each other. It was...interesting. The insults were flying back and forth like crazy. Although, I do believe it was all in good fun...I hope. I'm sure I'll hear ALL about it when I hang out with Paul next time.

Tuesday...Halloween! More tourist-y stuff was done during the day. Bus tour around Dublin, Guinness Storehouse, and the Old Jameson Distillery. Yeah...there was a good deal of free alcohol had between Guinness and Jameson. Good times :) And an Irish Coffee was thrown in there. Yummy. We went out for Halloween of course! We partied in Temple Bar for Halloween...it doesn't get much cooler than that. We spent the majority of our time at Fitzsimon's - in the bar. NOT the nightclub. Pena was a cute little pumpkin, Lindsey was the devil, her sis, Ricki, was a fairy, I was a vampiress, and Chris was my victim. All of the other international kids went out too...but we left before they did and never saw them again :( But the five of us had a REALLY fun night. I enjoyed my Halloween immensely.

Wednesday morning came too quickly. I got 2 hours of sleep. I went with Chris to the airport to make sure he got through check-in alright. And stood there until I couldn't see him anymore, trying to fight back the tears welling up in my eyes. I went back to the dorms and slept. I spent yesterday being pretty emo and lethargic. But, to cheer me up some, I hung out with Pena, Antoine, Nikki, and Cecile. I had a good time. Laughed a lot. I needed that. I'm still feeling a bit down, but I think that's expected. It'll be nice for everyone to get back. Things will be 'normal' again.

Having Chris come visit has been my favorite part of Ireland so far! Thank you so so so so so much for coming, Chris. It meant more to me than you will ever know. And anyone else who wants to come visit, DO IT! I would love to see you.

Alright. I'm sure you're bored to death. So I will end this pointless rambling. I should...start an essay or something. haha. Not like I will though.

Miss and love you all.

Talk To Me Baby

2006-10-19T12:13:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! I FINALLY figured out this Skype thing - so now I can actually TALK to people! It's oh so thrilling! AND if YOU download it (which is free) and get a head set or mic or something, we can talk for FREE! Yay! I like free. OR I can even call phones for only 2 cents a minute!

In case any of you do get Skype, my screenname is kristi.taylor

I'm so happy to be connected to the people I care about once again :)